z

Young Writers Society


In the eyes of a pig



User avatar
19 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 19
Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:59 pm
hunter111 says...



lol, I had forgotten that I had even written this until today. Anyway, this one comes from David Eggers short stories, 'To the point of breaking, the rope was stretched.' We had been asked to add a twist to the story so I decided to set in it Marmite, the pig's POV for anyone who hasn't read the story before. You should be able to get the general gist of the storyline even if you haven't read the proper story before so I hope you do.

Great, he’s at doing that thing again. You know, that thing that’s human do sometimes. What’s it called? Ah, stupidity, that’s it.

Lately, I haven’t been feeling to well and can you guess what this guy does? He takes me on a walk, of all things. Oink, as if my life wasn’t bad enough already without having to put up with this idiot, along with a severe stomach-ache. I don’t even know where it came from, I mean, I was perfectly fine yesterday when he took me to see that guy covered in white. Of course, he wasn’t exactly white by the time I was finished with him, ‘snort’.

Seriously though, I must have done something really bad in my past life or something as my life is even more shit that the muck I was just rolling around in a moment ago. Born the runt of the litter, mother died after our birth and the cherry on the cake? Being rescued by this guy. I wouldn’t mind it that much, hell; I’d probably even like him for saving me if it weren’t for all his little… habits.

Grrrr, I swear, if he puts one more pink bow in my hair or brushes all of my curly body hair one more time, I swear I’m going bite his arm so hard that it will fall off! I’m a dirty and muck covered pig, not some French poodle who he can play dress up with!

Oh great, now he’s trying to discuss the view. God, I swear this guy has more than one screw lose in his head. Oink, I’ll admit, it probably would be very beautiful view to a creature that could appreciate it, what with how the bright sunlight is bouncing off the water… hey, I wonder how high this cliff is? No! Bad Marmite! Murder is a bad thing to do, despite how annoying that person may be. Besides, I’d probably fall off the cliff myself as well…

Okay, that does it. First, he drags me out to the middle of nowhere to stare at the bloody sun over a cliff, tempts me with a trip to forage for roots and acorns when I’m feeling unwell and then he has the balls to try and stroke me! That’s it, this guy’s going down! It’s time to take a plummet over the cliff for you! Muwhahaha!

… Okay that turned out to be not one of my smartest things I’ve ever done, oink. The good news? I knocked him off the cliff. The bad news? Right now my back is being scraped against the rock of the Cliffside while I’m starring directly down at the 200-foot drop below, oink! That’s some drop.

Wait, what’s he doing now? Oh god! He’s undoing the strap around my collar, oink! I’m going to take the plummet instead of him, oink! Is their no end to this injustice? I swear to you god, you better not ever hope to bump into me, overwise I’ll bite you in the balls!

Oink, this is going to hurt…

Mother…
'No, the burned hand teaches best. After that advice about fire goes to the heart' - gandalf, lord of the rings.
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 790
Reviews: 2
Sun Dec 23, 2007 12:24 am
Hobbyist says...



Good job! You have definitely found the qualities of a pig's grumpiness when you wrote this.

Just a few things about grammar-

I wouldn’t mind it that much, hell; I’d probably even like him for saving me if it weren’t for all his little… habits.

It should probably be : I wouldn't mind it that much. Hell, I'd probably even...

I’ll admit, it probably would be very beautiful view to a creature that could appreciate it, what with how the bright sunlight is bouncing off the water…

Take it out. It I think it's a typo anyway.

No! Bad Marmite!

What is Marmite? Is it the Pig? Is it murder? I need more info.

Wonderful ending! I loved how you ended it on "Mother..."

Great little story!
  





User avatar
19 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 19
Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:21 pm
hunter111 says...



Marmite is the pig that I mentioned before and in the end he only falls off the cliff since Arthur, his owner, needs to do that in order to save his own skin, so it's technially it's not murder. Besides, it does kind of balance out since Marmite did try and kill him before. If you want to know more I could e-mail you the proper story later on
'No, the burned hand teaches best. After that advice about fire goes to the heart' - gandalf, lord of the rings.
  





User avatar
16 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2023
Reviews: 16
Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:30 pm
Rabbit says...



I read this story and actually thought Arthur was nice by saving Marmite and such, but then he reached for his collar and immediately I was on Marmite's side. I'm glad to have come across this, because it'd be nice to see this from the grumpy pig's point of view.

Oink,

The first of many oinks, and I love it! It's like his constant dialogue throughout the story. Or like his catchphrase. It also gets me more attached to Marmite, I don't know why, but it does! <3

pink bow in my hair or brushes all of my curly body hair

He does that?! Wow, that seems strange, especially since it's a man doing it...

the balls

The balls makes it seem more like a courageous or brave act. I think 'the cheek' would fit better here. Just because to top off what he's doing to this ill pig, he has the cheekiness to try and stroke him too.

Is their there

Easy misspelling/mistake.

Lovely fanfic. You chose a good story to make a fanfic of, too! I hope to read more from you, you're quite a funny writer C:

-Rabbit.
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."
--Brian Littrell.
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 2647
Reviews: 313
Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:36 pm
TylynRae says...



There were a lot of silly punctuation and grammatical errors in this that deserve to have a look through. Overall, I really liked the Pigs POV, it was sort of funny. Especially when he's trying to find the world for what humans do so often. Oh right, stupidity. Ha, good one =]. Its a pretty solid piece, its just the little things that make it a little unappealing.

Also, the title is great, its what caught my eye in the first place, its interesting. But I think you should capitalize the key words or it looks a bit elementary.
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)
  








“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu