Young Writers Society

1752 Hours April 1st, 2008
SPEW Gryphon II
YWS System

Light pulsed from the engines of the SPEW Gryphon II. Over a kilometer long, it was well armed and armored for the perils of space travel. It's name came from the shape of the bow, which featured large metallic whiskers, ears, and a beak. It slowly neared the YWS Station.

Grif snored in the command chair. In front of him were displays indicating the Gryphon's status. Grif was the only human on board, everything else was controlled by computers.

"Grif?" A voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Mmnh?" Grif murmured. A light flickered on a nearby panel and Adelaide appeared. She was only thirty centimeters tall and glowed topaz. She was the ship artificial intelligence.

"We're entering YWS space, we should be at the station in thirty minutes."

"Mm," Grif sat up in his seat.

"I've also downloaded our PMs. We have quite a number of them."

"Mnnh."

"Want me to display them?"

"Anything important?" Grif said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"An invite to have Dinner with Nate, another invite from Adam, and at least three from Snoink."

"Play the ones from Snoink." Adelaide disappeared and an image of Snoink appeared.

"Grif! Thank god! My iMac has come alive and has somehow managed to animate my pig collection! Please help! Oh my god, I think I hear them coming," the message ended abruptly.

"I warned her that they were becoming a little too close. What's the next message?" Grif said, shaking his head. The screen changed again. A small creature appeared. It had a snout and large ears, but instead of feet it had what appeared to be a spring. The message started.

"SPOINK!" It said, before gesturing off screen. The screen moved to show Snoink. She was tied to a rotisserie and had an apple in her mouth.

"Spoink spoink spoink-spoink, spoink spoink SPOINK!" The message ended with the creatures covering her with barbecue sauce.

"What was that?"

"Loosely translated, it is "give us the secret password or we'll turn her into bacon. What do they mean by the secret password?"

"It's a mod code. You give the secret password to access the mod forums. What is the final message?"

Snoink appeared again. "APRIL FOOLS!"

Grif rolled his eyes.

"Leave it to Snoink to pull the old 'my computer and my pigs have taken me hostage, please help me' gag. What's the brief on the other messages?"

"They want you to meet them at the Captain's Lounge at 7:00."

"Tell them I'll be there."

It's good, but a wait of several months just for this?

There were only two sections that caught me:

"Light pulsed from the engines of the SPEW Gryphon II. Over a kilometer long, it was well armed and armored for the perils of space travel. It slowly neared the YWS Station. "

The description seems lacking. One of the few areas almost all sci-fi writers concentrate on is in the description of the space-ship. When it's a parody, the description is made ridiculous (a la Spaceballs). When it's not a parody, they go into the materials used.

"Snoink appeared again.

"APRIL FOOLS!" Grif rolled his eyes.
"
Just rearrange to:

"Snoink appeared again. "APRIL FOOLS!"

Grif rolled his eyes.
"

Not enough to go on here yet, so I can't say if I liked it or not. It's funny and cool since it's about YWS, but I want more!

Griff! You can't leave us hanging like this! Come, now.

I'll second Nate on the description of the ships themselves -- you need more either way.

And um... the old pigs and computer have taken my hostage gag? Does this mean she's done it before? I don't think I entirely want to know... But! You're writing again, and YWS fics, too! This has made my morning.

1900 Hours April 1st, 2008
YWS Station- Captain's Lounge
YWS System

Grif showed up punctually. The lounge was as it always was; dark and full of memory. There were pieces of ships that had been destroyed on the wall. One piece came from the original SPEW Gryphon, which was destroyed after it rammed a ship twice it's size at half the speed of light. That had been a sucky day.

"Grif! Over here!" Adam Atlantian called. He was the Captain of the YWS Highwind. He wore a green futuristic jumpsuit. A single piece of insignia covered it. Every piece of insignia was unique to the member and for Adam it was the badge of the mod squad, surrounded by stars.

"How are you doing Adam?"

"Just fine, I heard you had an exciting time in the Arben sector."

"Nope. Boring."

"Really? Didn't you get attacked by pirates?"

"Nope. Went in, made the deal, left. That simple. See any action lately?"

"Yeah, ran into a Spam Star and took it out, then we engaged an armada of pirates, kicked their butts. We just made it back yesterday."

"Is Nate here?"

"Yep, just this way." Nate was sitting at the table. Although he was the highest ranking member of YWS, he was dressed casually. He wore a bright gold jumpsuit, with a flashy gold winged helmet. Various phrases covered his jumpsuit, including "I brake for coding", "Member of the God Squad: Obey or Die!", and "CUA Law." His insignia was that of a monkey at a typewriter.

"Grif! How are you?" Nate said.

"Very well. What's new on YWS?"

"We've just purchased another four docks for the station. We're growing so fast that we need all the space we can get our hands on. With all the new members we've had to build two new shipyards to handle the demand. All in all the station is growing nicely," Nate said.

"Sounds exciting," Grif said.

"It is. How are the trades going?" Nate asked.

"They're buying our writings. Poetry in particular."

"Why poetry?" Adam asked.

"It's not the poetry so much as Incan's commentary on them. They really like how he tears them apart," Grif said. They laughed at that. The laughter stopped and Nate suddenly became serious.

"Grif, we've have some concerns about you. For the past few years you've been doing nothing but cruise around space in that ship of yours with Adelaide. You spend three days out of every month here."

"I make good money for it."

"Yes, but it's having negative effects on you. Adelaide just sent me your health diagnostic. Your vitals are in excellent condition, but your mental condition is terrible. You are bored, you fall asleep on duty, you even watch old newscasts for entertainment."

"There's nothing better to do."

"Which is exactly what needs to be changed. As of 1700 hours, your ship has been ordered to refit. Adelaide has all ready deployed the Gryphon to the SPEW yards and will spend the next week there. You're on shore leave for the next week."

"You can't do that, I have to work!"

"I can and I have. You're going to party every night or I'll have you arrested. Also, you need to take on a rookie. Here is a list of people that have volunteered."

"Rookies!" Grif shuddered. "I work alone."

"Listen Grif. We've seen this before; on television. The tired old veteran is bored of work. Everytime that happens, he is given a new challenge and a new younger sidekick. You're the old tired veteran. It is time for you to find a sidekick."

"No. This isn't a TV show."

"It's not just TV shows, it also includes movies and books. This is especially true for Sci-fi's and Westerns," Adam said.

"Don't tell me you're in on this too," Grif said, looking at Adam.

"I'm in on it, Adelaide is in on it, Big Brother is too. You need a vacation." Grif wanted to argue more, but he saw that it wouldn't work. He sighed.

"Fine. I'll take a vacation. I'll enjoy myself to the fullest. Whatever. But I'm not taking on an apprentice!"

haha, I like the CUA Law sticker. Brake for coding though? Couldn't I brake for baseball, running, or country music?

It's coming along pretty well. It's definitely dialogue oriented, and I'm not quite sure if I like that or don't like that. On the one hand, I think more descriptive elements would ruin the tone of the piece. On the other hand, I'd like to hear more about what everything looks like. But, it's only the second installment and there's not enough yet for me to cast judgment on that score.

"It's not just TV shows, it also includes movies and books. This is especially true for Sci-fi's and Westerns," Adam said.

Put that Adam is talking at the front of the sentence. Otherwise, I started reading it like it was "Nate" talking, but then didn't realize it was someone else until near the end.

By the way, you've given me an idea. It's only by accident that I discovered you made a second installment (I was browsing the blogs area), so now I'm thinking of a way where an author could very easily let a few people know that they've posted something new. PMs work of course, but that can be a bit too much sometimes.

haha, Griff forced to handle a rookie! And Nate, you can't brake for baseball -- that's my job!

But, oh, Griff. I like more dialogue centric pieces, but I think that may be part of my inner theatre geekish nature. Also, "party every night"? I like that kind of sentencing!

Here's to the next update, and many more to come (seriously. this stuff is [s]my drug of choice[/s] fun!)

he he... buddy movies!

I think that Grif should have a fun application process for choosing said rookie. Maybe they have to complete a certain number of quests or summat?

Either way... this is great, Grif. Keep it up!

0900 Hours April 2nd, 2008
YWS Station- Big Brother Interview Chamber
YWS System

"Near... far... whereEVER you are!!" the member sang. Grif plugged his ears and the other two judges winced.

"That's enough!" Grif yelled.

"So... how did I do?"

"Terrible. Simply terrible. Frank Sinatra sings better than you," Grif said.

"Uh- Grif, no one sings better than Frank Sinatra," Nate said.

"She wasn't good though," Incandesence said.

"Indeed," Nate agreed. He nodded to his monkey, who in turn pressed the big red button. The floor slid out from under the member, sending her into the Rancor pit. The Rancor roared as the floor closed.

"Next!" Grif called. Member #3978 walked in.

"Hi," she said.

"Welcome. So what is your name?"

"I'm Firearris."

"Do you sing?" Grif asked.

"Uh... not really."

"Excellent."

"So, why should you be Grif's apprentice instead of everyone else?" Nate asked.

"I don't know."

"Neither do I. Any objections?" There were none.

"Congratulations, you're the first apprentice. Go ahead and take a seat in that room while we interview the other applicants."

"Who's next?" Incan asked. Member #70 walked in.

"Good morning gentlemen. I shall waste none of your time. I'm your next apprentice."

"Why is that?"

"I'm glad you asked. First, I have a Ph.D in astrophysics and creative writing. Second, I am well versed in kung-fu. Third, I can personally speak 15 different dialects fluently. Finally, I am able to ressurect people from the dead."

There was silence.

"Did you say you had a doctorate in creative writing?" Incan asked.

"Yes, four years at Princeton."

"I'm sorry, but you're too stupid."

"What!"

"You can't be rational and have a doctorate in creative writing," Grif said. He nodded to Nate, who in turn nodded to the monkey. The monkey pressed the button and the floor slid out, but Member #70 was too fast. The rancor roared.

"Ha! I'm too-" that was all Member #70 could say before the floor slid out from under him yet again. He fell into a pit of crocodiles. The floors slid back into place. There was muted screaming, then silence.

"Well, that's all we have so far. Maybe the others will be more promising," Nate said.

"All right then, I'll go talk with Firearris," Grif said.

1300 Hours April 5th, 2008
YWS Station- Distinguished Member Quarters
YWS System

Grif lay face down in bed, asleep. Adelaide flickered on. She looked around at the room.

"What a mess. Grif, are you awake?"

"No," Grif answered.

"You should be, you have a meeting at 1400 hours with Nate."

"I have time, let me sleep."

"It's all ready 1300 hours. How much more time can you need?" Adelaide asked. Grif groaned.

"Listen, if you don't get up, I'll have to activate the happiness protocols."

"Don't do that!" Grif said, but it was too late. The lights went on and the various appliances glowed white. Legs and hands popped out of the appliances, while smiley faces covered their various windows.

"Good Morning Griffinkeeper, It's time to get out of bed.
Now it's time to talk about the weird dreams in your head," the Clock said.

"You dreamed of apples covered in stroodle,
lots of white puppies eating up noodles,
and a small number of them were actually poodles," the bed said.

"Wake up! Wake up! Let's start a brand new day!
Wake up! Wake up! It's time for us to play!" all of the appliances sang.

"All right! I'm up all ready!" Grif screamed. The appliances stopped, before they returned to their normal places and default state. Grif showered and dressed, then he left. The various appliances went about their cleaning procedures.

"What a jerk," the mircowave said.

1355 Hours April 5th, 2008
YWS Station- Big Brother Briefing Room
YWS System

Grif walked into the room. Inside was a holo-projector and several chairs. Otherwise, it was unoccupied. The holo-projector displayed various scenes from YWS's past. There were large swarms of fighters engaged in dogfights, gigantic space battles against Spam Stars. One image showed Incan being rescued from the TW Station. Other moments from the SPEW Gryphon I came up. It ended by showing the Gryphon ramming a ship four times it's size and detonating, obliterating both ships.

"Nice show," Grif said.

"I thought you might be in a more reflective mood," Adelaide said, appearing on the holoprojector. The door opened and Nate arrived.

"Sorry I'm late. Our latest situation is a little complicated. Adelaide?"

"Room is secure."

"Over the last few months, several older members have shown up. We initially thought they had been lost in space, but it turns out that some of these older members have been kidnapped by an unknown race to edit writing."

"This sounds like the stuff of science fiction," Grif said.

"It isn't. Some of our members managed to escape during a recent prisioner transfer. We've managed to reverse engineer their technology, which is why the Gryphon II is being updated," Adelaide said.

"What about these aliens?"

"They seem to enjoy long boring ballads and stories with blood lust. They use highly precise language to describe exactly how they feel about conquering others. As you might guess, our members were tortured for years. Here is a sketch we made of them, based on the information they gave me." The image went on screen.

"They're stick figures?"

"No... that's just how I draw. Our information was sketchy. So the picture was too," Nate said, looking at the stick figure.

"It's not important what they look like. What is important is that we have YWS members trapped inside their space that are being tortured. We want you to rescue them."

"Why me? Their must be other people that would be better."

"There are many reasons. No one is more experienced with combat than you. You know all the equipment and personnel needed for this mission. You're also the only one that has done rescue operations," Nate said.

"There are other reasons as well. The modular construction of your ship allows us to replace the weapon components with the new alien technology faster than it would for us to replace our own. Your cargo bays are also very large and you would have the most space for refugees," Adelaide said.

"So you need my ship and I'm the only one that can run it," Grif said.

"Yes," Nate said.

"Okay, then you'll give me what I need, or no deal. I need the SPEW Commandos on board, a battle group, and full tactical command of the mission."

"Way ahead of you. This is what we're planning..." Nate and Grif huddled over the holo-projector and spoke with Adelaide.

Ah, sweet wonderful insanity.

haha, large cargo bays for how many refugees, exactly? Also, haven't the Commandos done rescue operations before? Or just not commanded them?

Oy, these have always been worth the read--and this one seems somewhat more linear and less arbitrary than some of its predecessors. Ha, yet it keeps the off-the-wall humour as well. ^_^


...I suppose the dogfights in space, YWS' history, had something to do with SPEW and the Cabassi? ^_~





IMP

Hey Grif. Well I've already mentioned as to how I felt about this piece. I like the simple style that this is written in as it really makes the humour and the dialogue stand out much more than it is written using more narrative techniques.This allows for a very riveting read.

The humour is witty and funny, as you are able to skillfully blend in writing conventions and branch off into other areas (such as the croc trap door and alien sketches). Anothe reason as to why it is successful is that you are able to take aspects of people on YWS which are special about them and link it with the descriptions and the conflicts which occur in the piece.

I would like to see a bit more character development though. The characters should had been more detailed.

But I like this, and I'm going to gold star it.

Andy XD

Hehe.

This was so good that I had to go back and read all of the other episodes. You are an incredible humor writer, and the way you are able to seamlessly incorporate the characters of actual YWS members into the story is a testament to level of skill in writing you possess.

Any obvious grammar or spelling errors have been noted earlier, and redundancy is not a good trait, so I won't go through all that.

I will continue to come back to read this, if you continue to post.

Ky

0800 Hours April 7th, 2008
SPEW Shipyards
YWS System

It had been a long time since Grif had been involved in any mission of consequence, so he hadn't had to repair in the SPEW yards for almost a year. Little had changed in that time, which was much different than the rest of the site, where things changed daily.

As the Captain, he needed to be briefed on the modifications that had been made, so he could figure out what to tell his crew and what not to. He arrived at Snoink's office and opened the door.

The door opened, covering Grif in an avalanche of pigs. They ran off through the station, leaving Grif a passage into the office. Snoink was inside.

"Oh! I forgot you were coming! Have a seat," she said.

"Okay," Grif said evenly.

"I've got your stupid ship ready. It wasn't terribly difficult. Are you sure you don't want it painted pink?"

"Yes."

"Pity, it works well with your ship." Snoink opened the shades of her office, to reveal the Gryphon II. The newly painted ship hovered out in space in it's pink splendor. Machines still covered the hull, welding and attaching sections to the ship.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I know, isn't it great?"

"I thought I was clear that I didn't want the ship painted pink!"

"I didn't paint the ship, I painted the armor plating we've attached to the ship. It is at least two meters thick and absorbs energy well. Think of it like Pink Jello. It's also self sealing."

"It's also ugly."

"I think it's cute."

"I don't want to be seen in it."

"Well, if that's the case, just activate the cloaking device, then no one will see you," Snoink said. Grif snapped his head around.

"It has a cloaking device?"

"Duh. Get with the times. Every SPEW ship has had one for the last six months. If you actually refitted your ship more often, you'd have one all ready."

"What else?"

"We've managed to develop a plasma torpedo. It short circuits shields before it impacts. Eight launchers located around the hull. We converted one of your cargo holds into a field hospital and we loaded the rest with beds and supplies for any survivors you pick up. We left one cargo hold for fighter craft. We swapped out reactor components, should give you a slight boost in the overall efficiency of the ship."

"Is that all?"

"No, we also have updated the central computer. Adelaide said she wanted extra storage for information we collect on this species. There's also half a million minor modifications, upgrades, and replacements, I gave Adelaide the details." Grif nodded.

"So, I can take her out?"

"Sure, here's the car keys. The tank is full, just make sure you fill up the tank when you're done and bring her back in one piece. You know your way to the dock."

"Thanks Sis," Grif said.

"Take care of yourself," Snoink said.

0945 Hours April 7th, 2008
SPEW Shipyards
YWS System

The SPEW Gryphon II activated its thrusters. It's pink bow cleared the shipyards. Inside, Grif stood and watched the YWS Station get closer.

"In about thirty seconds, YWS is going to get a good look at us," Grif said.

"I could activate the cloaking device," Adelaide said. Grif just laughed.

"You've spent too much time breaking rules. YWS regulations prohibit ships from using cloaking devices while in shipping lanes. It's considered a navigation hazard."

"You're taking this well."

"Appearances are deceiving," Grif said with a shrug.

"I don't rely on appearances alone. Your mental processes indicate- we just got a signal. We're clear to Dock 89. Apparently our crew is waiting there."

"Go ahead and bring us in," Grif said. All was quiet as Adelaide began the delicate maneuvers to bring the Gryphon to dock. The Gryphon entered the dock smoothly.

"We're in position. Artificial gravity is matching that on YWS Station, we are docked," Adelaide said. Grif left the bridge and made his way to the cargo bay doors.

The cargo bay doors were the largest airlocks on board the Gryphon and were consequently the most heavily armored. It took twenty seconds for the doors to open half-way. Grif stepped through the doors to find he had company.

To Grif's left was a squad of SPEW Commandos. The SPEW Commandos were one of the most dangerous in literary existence. They wore a distinctive golden kitten insignia on their advanced combat exoskeletons. To his right were the recruits. They were decidedly less equipped and organized, a sign of hard work to come. One of the commandos stepped forward.

"Sir, permission to come aboard?" Grif recognized her as Areida. A student of West Point, she was a capable leader and most importantly, she was a survivor. Grif was glad she was leading the SPEW squad.

"Permission granted Squad Leader. I want to talk with the new ones first," Grif said. The SPEW Commandos moved inside. They were already coordinating with Adelaide as to where to put their equipment. The recruits waited behind, nervous.

"My name is Griffinkeeper. Some of you may have heard of me, others are too new to care. So here is the bottom line: you live by my rules, or you won't live at all. Any questions so far?"

"Why is your ship painted pink?" Rickage asked.

"My psychologists say I should get in touch with my feminine side. Any other stupid questions?"

"Did you say psychologists?" Layleun asked.

"Are you hard of hearing?

"No."

"Then you shouldn't have to ask. Any other stupid questions? Good. We'll begin with the basics. How many of you know what an AI is?"

All of them raised their hands.

"How many of you have ever seen an AI."

They kept their hands raised.

"Now how many of you have seen a smarter AI than F.R.E.D?"

They put their hands down.

"Then it's time you met one. This is Adelaide," Grif said. Adelaide flickered into existence.

"Hello," Adelaide said politely.

"Adelaide will be overseeing your training on this ship. Pay attention! We'll embark in an hour," Grif said, leaving the recruits with Adelaide.