Young Writers Society

I am a Twilight fanatic. =]
I can't wait for the new moon movie to come out!!
Anyways, back to your writing.
I thought it was very good, it should be put on the next movie!
I liked how you said Edward was reading people's thoughts. It brought his character to life.

I found this very good, but i think it could have used a bit more detail. Bella and Edward's wedding is an important event, and you should have described everything more thoroughly.
And I thought it was rather weird that Edward was listening to everyone's thoughts. I would have thought he would be paying attention to Bella, and only Bella. but that's just my opinion. It was still really good.

So this was a decent fanfic, the only things I can see wrong with it are that you didn't keep bella's personality the same, it's obvious in the books that bella did NOT want to get married...sooooo....and it's a bit choppy. But on the bright side, I wouldn't mind reading more of this :]. Also, Jacob would probably be at terms with Bella's choice by then anyway. Good job!

Awwwwwwww, that is so sweet: Bella Cullen. Love it

That was great. You should of written the wedding in Breaking Dawn. Great description.

LilyReagan wrote: While the priest spoke, thoughts ran through Edward's head. Other people's thoughts.
Charlie: That's my baby girl! Renee: My beautiful daughter, marrying young, just like me. This will hurt her. I swear it will. Angela: Bella and Edward. Bella Cullen. Catchy.
"Do you, Edward Cullen...."
Edward tuned out all the voices. This was his and Bella's moment.
"I do."
"

Okay, this kind of annoyed me. I don't think that Edward would be listening to anyone's thoughts. I think that when Charlie and Bella started down the aisle that he would be all eyes and thoughts for her. I think that he would probably would have tried to listen to Bella's thoughts. Fruitlessly perhaps, but he probably would have tried.

I also think that you could have put more detail in it. There are so many details in a wedding. The flowers, (for Edward) Bella's smell, music, colors, noises. The detail was kind of bland. This also doesn't give much mention of where the story is going. But, most importantly, I'm interested! I want to know more. So keep writing!!

I actually was surprised to find your story to be good, I being one of the rare breed who dislike Twilight ( I expect to be pelted with rocks every time I say that). Anyways the writing quality was pretty good and I was happy to see Jacob go. I hated his guts when I was a huge fanpire. Good job keep it up

I loved it, and it really reminded me of the actual twilight books.

I liked how you put in the thoughts that Edward heard, too.

Anyway, good job and keep writing!

That was really good.

CoffeeStars wrote:I actually was surprised to find your story to be good, I being one of the rare breed who dislike Twilight ( I expect to be pelted with rocks every time I say that). Anyways the writing quality was pretty good and I was happy to see Jacob go. I hated his guts when I was a huge fanpire. Good job keep it up

I am also one of the people who dosen't like twilight. I really don't like edward cullen. The 'I won't drink human blood' idea had ruined the vampire genre in my opinion. But this was better than I thought.

I don't know if someone has said this but... I think it would be cool if you had Edward listen to the priest's thoughts. And, I think that you should make Jacob attack Edward or have a part were they are alone or in a room together with Bella. Something like that. Hope that that helped and gave you an idea!

I like it! It was fun to read and similar to Twilight. All I noticed was that a few of the facts from Twilight were wrong (like Meep mentioned, Alice and Jasper, and also Renee was happy that Bella and Edward were getting married.)
Other than that I really enjoyed it!

poor JACOB! huhu :'(
but i'm happy for bella and edward.
and charlie: a very supportive father?

oh.. i want to read the whole twilight saga. i'm only halfway to the first book.
(*i'm really slow when it comes to reading*)

Hi guys....

There are three things that last: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love..
Yeah...! I love Twilight. It's really a cute story.
Thanks for such a nice post..



Regards
Victoria Heden
Theme Wedding Shop

really good!!
i bet this is what the book would say if it was from edward's point of veiw insted of bella's
^_^.........YAY for Twilight!!