Young Writers Society

hope u guys like it....sorry about the English but I'm a Spanish speaker, its just easier for me to write in English...(hahahaha weird I know )
its just a really short first chapter..i u want me to post more send messages


Chapter 1

“Breathe Bella” said Alice while she was putting my earrings on.
“Ha, that’s funny, you sound just like Edward” I said smiling
“Really? I didn’t know you forget to breathe when you are with us” she teased
“Not really with you, only with Edward” I said
“But Edward is not here”
“I know, but I am very nervous, it’s just so weird seeing myself like this in the mirror, I’m just so scared” I finally confessed
“It’s normal, all the brides get nervous before the wedding, but in a few hours you are going to become Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen” she said with a huge smile on her face
I knew she was right, everyone gets nervous, but I just can’t believe the time has come. I’m standing here, with my in beautiful curls, long white, strapless satin dress, a diamonds necklace and a pair of beautiful earrings Alice bought last week at Tiffany’s. I almost killed her when she told me how much they were.
“Do you think he is going to like this dress?” I asked Alice, although I already knew the answer
“You look beautiful, he is going to love it, trust me”
She hand me the flowers and put the veil over my head
“So, are you ready?” She asked
I closed my eyes and started imagining Edward, my future husband, standing next to our priest, down the aisle. I imagined my father walking me and all our guests, and then I imagined him saying his vows. I know he’s gonna make me cry, I really can’t wait to listen to them
“It’s all going to be fine, I promise” Said Alice
“I know”
“Knock-knock” Said Charlie entering the room “Are you ready Bells?”
“Yes, let’s go” I said
“Okay, all maids of honor, please line up, Jasper, Emmet, come over here” She yelled leaving the room
I was left alone with Charlie, and then I took the last look at the mirror. I was beautiful
“Okay sweetheart lets go”
Charlie took my right arm and we walked towards the door of the church. I saw Alice ready to enter. She sent me a kiss and then entered the church.
My dad and I walked towards the big doors of the church, I took a deep breath. And the doors opened. The music stared and everyone stood up. I took a deep breath and I started walking down the aisle.
And then, I saw him, there he was, smiling like I’ve never seen him before. He eyes were full of joy, and happiness. He was glowing. His dream had come true. He was seeing me, his fiancée walking down the aisle ready to say “I do”

Mod edit: Removed caps from title.

You really captured the characters very nicely. I'm impressed. I think you should expand this chapter a little more. Add what some of the other cullens are feeling. Like Carlilse and Esme. Also, i think this would be a good time to show the kinder spirit of Rosalie.. and how even though she envies Bella she really thinks shes beautiful and deserving of this wedding.

just a few thoughts. Other than that, i really enjoyed this.

hankesj wrote:You really captured the characters very nicely. I'm impressed. I think you should expand this chapter a little more. Add what some of the other cullens are feeling. Like Carlilse and Esme. Also, i think this would be a good time to show the kinder spirit of Rosalie.. and how even though she envies Bella she really thinks shes beautiful and deserving of this wedding.

just a few thoughts. Other than that, i really enjoyed this.

wow thanks very much..i will definetley expand more the characters in the coming capters, also, thay are going to be in different POV, for example edward's adn rosalie's.
thanks very much

thisd was an iffy piece. I do not know what this is from. I also do not know much about the people or the setting. Use more talk. Also use less discription.

If you can do that, I THINK , that you can do it.

MATT

This was really good I like how you portray Bella, it's just like how she is except a lot less annoying.

One thing that you might want to change, you say "he is" and "I am" a lot and I think you should make it "he's" and "I'm" because that seems more like what they'd say.

This is really good for a spanish speaker, you can't even tell that it's not your native language it seems like it would be so hard to speak fluently in English like this.

great job! i love how you descibed everything in detail like what she was wearing and so forth. You also did good on portraying the charaters. So much so, that I agree with some of the other responses and think you should expand on this more! like with more people involved in it and everything. You did pretty good with your gramar to! alot better than i do lol. XD
Love the ending by the way!!!! 8^P

i thought this was supposed to be an ending not a beginning!!!
it was so not better than the original.