Young Writers Society

Breaking Dawn Parody, Script

Characters:
Edward
Bella
Charlie
Priest
Carlisle
Rosalie
Jacob
Stephenie Meyer
Winter's Twelfth Night


BELLA: [sitting in car waiting for EDWARD] Oh my gosh, I hate Edward for giving me this amazing car! I definitely should not be grateful. It makes me feel so self-conscious!

EDWARD: [walks over to car and opens door] Bella! [Flings himself on her] I haven’t seen you for like...like… a whole hour! I thought you were dead! Don’t ever, ever, leave me like that again! You didn’t even call me.

BELLA: Edward, I just had to get a sweatshirt from Charlie’s house. I was gone for like ten minutes. Why are you freaking out? I’m not dead.

EDWARD: Oh. Right. Well then I forgive you. But you better watch your behavior, young
lady. I’m an extremely hot, perfect guy and I’m sure that I could find another fiancé who won’t go missing for whole hours.

BELLA: What?!? [faints and then goes into New Moon mode]

EDWARD: Oh crap, I forgot about that. Bella? I didn’t mean it. Come on, you’re being so dramatic.

BELLA: [sits up really quickly at the sound of EDWARD’s voice and smacks her head on the ceiling of the car] Ow. EDWARD IS THAT YOU???!!! Oh my God, I thought I would have to kill myself. [flings herself on EDWARD]

EDWARD: Ummm…..

[Cut to the wedding. BELLA is standing at the end of the aisle with CHARLIE. They begin to walk.]

BELLA: [aside to CHARLIE] Yay Daddy! I’m getting marr- [Trips on nothing and falls on her face]

CHARLIE: God, Bella, you’re so uncoordinated.

BELLA: [gets up from floor with a bloodstained dress] Dad my nose is broken. It’s bleeding everywhere.

CHARLIE: [chuckles] You’ll be fine. Keep walking.

[They proceed down the aisle creating a trail of blood drops. EDWARD is trying very hard not to break into a fit of giggles. They reach the altar and the PRIEST says all the marriage stuff]

PRIEST: You may now kiss the bride.

[BELLA smiles, the lower part of her face is caked in blood]

EDWARD: Oh, um, ok. [Grimaces and quickly kisses BELLA, who frowns. Everyone claps and they all leave for dinner.]

[Cut to dinner]

BELLA: [walks over to EDWARD and slaps him. Her hand goes flying across the room and hits ROSALIE in the back of the head. ROSALIE screams] Ow! My hand! It’s gone! Your face took my hand off!

EDWARD: Wait, what? I didn’t feel anything. Oh I’m sorry, were you trying to hurt me? [falls on the floor laughing hysterically]

BELLA: Edward! My hand is detached from my body!! Stop rolling on the floor! Somebody go get Carlisle!

[CARLISLE staggers over to BELLA and falls on top of EDWARD, giggling uncontrollably. Apparently he has had a little too much wine.]

BELLA: Oh screw this, I’m gonna go talk to Jacob.

[BELLA walks over to where JACOB is sulking in a corner]

BELLA: Hey Jacob. Look what Edward did to my hand. [Shows her bloody stump of an arm] Doesn’t that make you angry? Don’t you want to fight him now?

JACOB: Yes. I love you. You love me too. Look, I grew my hair long for you. And I’m smiling. Will you make out with me in front of everyone in the room?

BELLA: Well, I don’t know. I’m married now, I’m not sure if I should do that.

JACOB: Come on Bella. It doesn’t count if your husband is a vampire.

BELLA: Really? Well ok then.

[JACOB and BELLA make out very passionately. Intense moment. EDWARD sees and marches over to them. DUH DUH DUUUHHHHHH!]

EDWARD: I KILL YOU!!!!! [Kills Jacob with his incredible vampire blood-sucking abilities!]

JACOB: [dies]

BELLA: OMG Edward! That was not very nice! Why would you do that? Why?? He was my only friend!! Now apologize.

EDWARD: Apologize? But Bella, I don’t think you understand-

BELLA: Edward, apologize to him NOW!

EDWARD: But- ok. I’m sorry Jacob.

BELLA: Thank you. I’m sure he forgives you.

STEPHENIE MEYER: [suddenly appears next to EDWARD and BELLA] I think I need to add a few more words to this script to make it good. Let’s see… umm… well God-like, of course. What else… dazzle. And… umm... topaz. And beautiful. Masochistic, for sure. And cold and icy. And God-like. And icy. DAZZLE! There, perfect. You may continue with your script now.

WINTER'S TWELFTH NIGHT: Umm, thanks. You just ruined my script. Now I can’t continue because of the horrid repetition.

STEPHENIE MEYER: Hey, using those words makes me sound smart. Without them my story would be lacking good word choice.

WINTER: Well, it already lacks plot and interesting characters so why not add a little repetition? I understand completely.

STEPHENIE MEYER: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINTER: So, you enjoy writing about nothing, then?

MEYER: Oh yes I- OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!! LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!! [runs over to CARLISE who is still giggling on the ground] That looks like FUN!! [lies down on the ground and giggles uncontrollably next to CARLISLE]

EDWARD: Is that the one that wrote my story?

BELLA: I believe that it is in fact my story, Edward.

EDWARD: Ha! I laugh at you! If it were not for my beautifulness this series would not have sold even ten copies.

BELLA: But I'm uncoordinated! Isn't that fun to read about?

WINTER: It's fun to watch!

BELLA: [falls on MEYER]

MEYER: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!

EDWARD: Bella!! Are you ok?

BELLA: [Starts to sob]

[EDWARD picks BELLA up off the ground and comforts her]

EDWARD: It's ok Bella. It's ok. Stephenie Meyer won't hurt you.

WINTERr: [Rolls her eyes and leaves]

MEYER: [suddenly becomes serious and stands up] Or will I? Maybe I am the Volturi in disguise!!

EDWARD: Nice disguise.

MEYER: Why thank you! My son made it for me. Isn't it beautiful?

EDWARD: Quite.

BELLA: Edward she's going to hurt me again! Don't let her hurt me!!!!

EDWARD: No no, Bella. This is the person that CREATED you! And more importantly, she is the one who created ME!

BELLA: Oh, ok then.

MEYER: Or am I?

OMG
HAHAHA
I was literally laughing out loud. My mom gave me one of those 'my daughter is crazy for bursting out into hysterical laughter over nothing' looks.
Ahhh... *wipes eyes from tears*
Haa.
Wow,
you made my like... year.
:]

Well I didn't like the part were Jacob died but the rest was hilarious.Especially the part were Clarisse is drunk. I think it was a smart idea to make this into script form because it would be very confusing if written like a book. Over all I loved it (except for the part were Jacob died.). Oh I would give you grammar help, but I suck at that so, yeah. Nice story keep writing!!

Grr, I'm sorry but I can't laugh or think it's funny. It only annoyed me really. It's takes the serious quality about the Twilight series I love.

But for others this IS hilarious, just not me.

Teardrop:
I'm so sorry to have taken the seriousness out of the series. I honestly didn't mean to. This is my other posting of this script; the other is in the script forum. In my other post I explained that this was not intended to offend or insult any Twilight fans, Stephenie Meyer, or her series. I sincerely apologize, because I hate it when other writers ruin a book or movie for me. I hope you understand that I wrote this purely for my own entertainment.

To everyone else, thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked it!

I like Twilight.In-fact I watched the movie just about half an hour ago but I wasn't insulted by your HILARIOUS script! Seriously, I loved it! ^^ Here goes..... a Gold star!!Bringing yourself into the story was a brilliant idea! Do write more!

P.S.I haven't read the books but does Stephanie Meyer really repeat words like that?

Hey Winter!

I'm a pretty big fan of scripts. There's just something about this style of writing that makes everything more entertaining.
I'm also a big, hypocritical fan of Twilight! (It's a love/hate thing.)
This was funny, spastic, and completely relevant! Many things I dislike about the Twilight series were included. Especially Stephenie Meyer's use of the words God-like, icy, and dazzle. *shudder*
You kept a constant fast pace and moved through the scenes well. Your use of things like CAPS and multiple exclamation points make the story all the more spastic. (Which I'm pretty sure you were going for.)
So, you won't hear any complaints for me. I loved it!
Gold star for awesomeness.


*anti-pop

Thanks for the gold stars!! Yes, I was definitely going for spastic because I think it makes the whole thing less realistic but much more entertaining. I'll write more. I'm thinking about a New Moon parody because the book was simply awful. The plot was: Edward leaves, three hundred pages of Bella being a depressed, psychotic teenager, and Edward attempting suicide. If it wasn't for Edward, these books would not be popular. That's why New Moon was so painful and boring to read.

This was the best.
Even though I don't know you. I love you for making it.

You should actually make it a little movie and put it on youtube or something, it would be a hit. That is my critique. This is not good until it is actually a movie!
THEN IT IS FANTASTIC!

You could be an internet-sensation for all those who hate or loath Stephanie Meyer or just Twilight.


Do it.

ANd become Queen of the Internets.

This is my professional opinion.

Thanks Shadowbox, but I'm not really interested in being on youtube. I'm glad you liked it though!

ahahaha, I liked this XD *is a fan of Twilight, though* Still made me giggle ^.~

Okay...this isn't really a critique or anything, but just a little pet peeve. Don't judge Stephenie's writing on the Twilight series. Read The Host first, and then judge. Honestly, I enjoyed reading Twilight, but The Host is amazing compared to that. Seriously! Anyone that's read Twilight and liked or hated it, should read The Host! Amazing!

haha, sorry, didn't really say anything about your piece XD One critquy thing I'd like to say about it is that when you're doing a satire and totally ripping on a piece, try and be a little cunning with it. The piece is dripping with sarcasm, and I do assume that you tried to do that, but cut back and be witty about it. It would pull a lot more than giggles out of me, then XD

--meow

[EDIT] I was just reading over the other comments, and just thought, you know, the puncuation really does bother me in here. Not for the fact that they are useless, and I understand why you use them, but because of the fact that it would be better if you made it seem serious. Very serious. Because it creates even more giggle-making fun. Just a suggestion to throw out there if you decide to do more of these. Try different styles, and you might become an expert of writing comical things like this.

I'm sure my fellow reviewers have nitpicked enough, so let me just say - I loved it. I'm not one to laugh aloud, but it certainly amused me. I have to disagree with the above reviewer about the witty thing. It was witty enough, and there's not much else you could do to make it 'wittier' that wouldn't mess up the whole script. I'd just say, keep it as is.

Thanks for the =D!

-SELA

I'm not a very witty person. I do have a talent for sarcasm, but for some reason it it hard for me to come up with witty things. By the way, I don't really have anything against Stephenie Meyer. I actually think that she is a pretty good writer if you ignore the repetition of certain words. The only reason that I portrayed her as an idiot in my script is that I thought it would be entertaining. I don't think that she is anything like that in real life. I do have a lot of respect for her, as she is a best-selling author. Also, little.angelfire, I really didn't understand what you were trying to say in your edit. Something about punctuation and being serious and trying different styles? Could you clarify that for me? Thanks for the reviews!
-Winter

haha, sorry for being unclear. I was a little pressed for time since I was in class.

What I mean by punctuation is that you have--for instance--several exclamation points in a row. I know you're going for over-the-top-in-your-face-attitude here, but by toning it down into a completely normal you could--if done right--create an air of seriousness. I'm sure not many would really find it funny, since I'm kind of the dry, look-deep-into-the-words kind of funny fan. Sorry, I don't think I'm making much sense XD

I don't really remember where I was going with my critique...I had this idea in my head of the possibilities you could try, but I just kinda lost them all XD so don't mind me!! I enjoyed your piece, but yet think it could be better XD

--meow

I seriously love these kinds of stories.
I end up laughing like those crazy maniacs people normally lock up in mental institutions for a long, long time.
One thing though, if Bella is bleeding...
Why aren't Edward and the other vampires showing any reaction to her blood?
But I guess this is your parody, and nothing has to make perfect sense, right?
Excellent, I simply loved it.