Young Writers Society

I just wrote my best Morganville fan ficiton... well.. i think it's good. please take your time in reading it... point out any mistakes and most commonly, mine is in grammar and discription. Thanks!

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE FIFTH MORGANVILL DON'T READ THIS!

Morganville vampires fan fiction-


Claire Danvers glared at Myrnin for a long, painful moment. He stared up at her, covered in blood as she realised what had just had happened. He was currently going crazy, his mind wasn’t right, a disease passed through all the vampires in Morganville Texas, all because of Bishop; a plain evil villain who hated his own vampire daughter, Amelie, who was at one time the most powerful vampire. Vampires ruled Morganville, and to confront a vampire in any way was dangerous, and would cause you to be all over the front page of a newspaper reported dead.
Claire didn’t really understand how quickly things had gone by, she’d just stuck a stake in Myrnin for the second time in her life. He was a back stabbing mental vampire with serious issues. Yes, he could be sweet, but he really needed to take his crystals.
The crystals were a type of antibiotic against the disease; except they didn’t actually cure it, they just calmed it.
But that look Myrnin had given her… pure hunger, pure thirst for her blood. She couldn’t let herself be bitten. He’d lunged himself at her, and she’d gripped the stake in her pocket and automatically stabbed him in the chest. If he ever recovered, he wouldn’t take too kindly to seeing Claire again.
Ever.
But seeing him sprawled on the floor in the city hall, dying in his own blood in front of a dozen vampires, made her want to scream like a child and run away. Michael Glass (one of her best friends going out with her gothic friend Eve), Amelie, Oliver (Freakishly bossy and intimidating) and others she didn’t recognise were there. They were all staring at her.
Claire felt so small.
‘I… I don’t…’ Claire whimpered, but before she could get another word out, Amelie had grabbed her by the throat, pinning her to the ground and she slapped her hard against the cheek, hard enough to cause blood to appear.
‘You stupid bitch!’ Amelie cried.
‘I’m sorry! It…. He just… I didn’t…’ Claire knew she wasn’t going to be able to get another word out. She just knew the vampires were going to kill her. She felt terrified, lonely and betrayed.
‘We needed him and you killed him!’ Amelie screeched still gripping Claire’s throat, but not tight enough to choke her, just a warning.
‘He’s not dead!’ Claire cried, tears spilling from her cheeks. ‘You said that stakes don’t kill vampires! That they just paralyse them!’
Fury flashed through Amelies eyes as they flashed red, baring her fangs as she hissed. ‘This is the second time you’ve done this Claire! That blood on your hands! I won’t have it! I let you off last time, but no… this time Claire. This time you won’t see Shane again. This time you won’t see Michael, Eve or even your parents!’
Claire was terrified. Of all people she had to mention Shane, Claire’s boyfriend. The man she loved.
‘Please no,’ Claire tried to escape Amelies terrifying grip, but didn’t succeed. Why would she succeed? This was a vampire pinning her to the ground! ‘Don’t kill me.’
Amelie actually stopped still over Claire for a moment.
‘Kill you?’ Asked Amelie, sounding almost sarcastic. ‘Why would I kill you?’
Claire knew Michael was looking at her, but she couldn’t turn her head to face him. Not with Amelie pinning her down like this. The vampires were just doing nothing.
‘I won’t kill you Claire,’ Amelie said. ‘No… I’m going to make your life a living hell… It might kill me but who cares if I die? Would you Claire?’
Claire closed her eyes and tried to say yes, but no sound came out. ‘Please don’t…’
‘What? Make you a vampire? I’ll do what the hell I want!’ Amelie shrieked.
‘No!’ Michael screamed, startling Claire. ‘Please! No… not Claire!’
‘Michael, stay out of this,’ Amelie said, more of a command than anything else.
‘No! You won’t hurt her. She won’t become one of us, if you do that she’ll be driven to insanity, she’ll get the disease and then who will make the cure for us?’
Amelie let go of Claire’s neck and frowned. ‘What just happened? Claire…’
The disease was affecting Amelie, it was affecting her bad and Claire could do nothing. She just had to watch all the vampires go insane… there was a cure that she knew of. Bishops blood, but to get his blood would be very hard. Especially since he was in charge of Claire, controlling her like a puppet with the ink tattoo on her arm… Claire knew that to get his blood, it would have to be by some serious method.
‘Ada,’ Claire whispered. ‘Michael, we need Ada.’
Amelie frowned. ‘Ada, why do we need –’
Amelie didn’t have time to finish her sentence, because Frank Collins slammed the door open, holding dozens of stakes in his hand. Frank was a big man, in biker clothes and messy filthy hair, messy and scraggly. His face was covered in mud and his eyes had an insane edge to them. He stared around the room till his gaze locked on Michaels face and he smiled wickedly.
‘I’ve been waiting so long for this moment,’ Frank said, and he threw the stake.




i know it's pretty long but hope you enjoyed it and please comment.

-iCarlyfan

i've done some more.

Half an hour earlier



The sun rained down on Claire’s face, causing her to raise her arm and shield her sight. It was bad enough that Texas was always hot hot hot… but the fact that Claire was constantly in danger of being killed by a vampire was ridiculous. Although… the chance of that happening was temporarily low. She sighed as she came to the Glass house, and she took out her key and slid it in the front door.
The Glass house was a really big founder house, and one of the weirdest things about it was that it always seemed to be alive (meaning, the owner Michael Glass, had been preserved by a weird computer thing under the ground created by Claire’s mad vampire boss Myrnin).
Claire still didn’t completely understand why all this was happening. She didn’t understand any of it in fact… particularly the part where Ada-the-weird-computer supposedly thought Michael was worth saving, definitely weird.
See, an intimidating and BIG vampire called Oliver killed Michael; Oliver had tried to turn Michael into a vampire but had failed. So Ada (YEY!) came to the rescue and preserved Michaels spirit, keeping him sort of alive. So Michael would be a ghost spirit floating around the house at day, and full human form at night. It was pretty odd at first since Claire was the one he first told. Michael could never leave the house; if he tried he would vanish. Claire never really understood how it worked… it couldn’t be magic. It had to be some weird kind of scientific explanation.
It just HAD to be.
‘Hey!’ Eve’s voice startled Claire as she dropped onto the sofa in the living room.
Eve entered the room, looking as Gothic as ever, with her dyed black hair tied up in a weird bun mess with dangly bits of hair here and there, her black mascara and eyeliner smudged around her eyes and her dark red lipstick… it should have looked weird but it didn’t. And of course, she was wearing a black top with loads of mini skulls printed on it, a black mini skirt, black and white stripy tights and big clunky boots.
‘What?’ Claire said, scootching over on the sofa to allow her friend to sit next to her.
‘I just got to say one thing about your Shane…’ Eve cleared her throat and gave her best impersonation of a snob, head held high and legs crossed, pouting, she said; ‘He’s a plain ass.’ And she broke her pose and scrunched her face up at Claire.
‘Why?’ Claire asked, quite amused her friend was whining about Claire’s boyfriend.
‘He totally and completely trashed my wardrobe! I don’t get him! Was he looking for something? Or was he just plain searching for some of my underwear?’ Eve brushed her hair back over her ear and shook her head, sighing. ‘I swear he’s got something mentally wrong with him! Are you sure he’s not gay?’
Claire frowned and rolled her eyes. ‘Gay? Oh please. How do you know it was Shane? It could have been (wink wink) Michael.’
Eve shook her head and laughed. ‘No… it was Shane.’
‘Are you sure you didn’t take something of his that Shane was looking for?’
Eve thought about it, and then bit her lip. ‘Maybe…’
Claire chuckled and stood up. ‘I think you did… well… I think I need to go.’
‘Go? You only just got here!’ Eve complained standing up and grabbing Claire firmly by the wrists. ‘You should stay so we can talk about the whole Amelie situation.’
Sighing, Claire shook her head and wriggled free of Eves grip. ‘No… I have to go to Myrnin.’
Eve sat back down and flicked the TV on. ‘Fine then. Go. See you later,’
That was weird.
Claire, feeling slightly tired from her day at the university, whispered into the kitchen; ‘Ada,’
Claire’s phone rang. ‘Ada! Can you open a portal up for me to get to Myrnin’s lab?’
‘What happened to your legs lazy?’ Ada sighed in her weird mechanical voice. ‘Fine…’
Ada hung up and Claire grinned. About a second later Claire felt a weird pull around her and saw the black portal near the door of the kitchen.
‘Right then…’ Claire quickly stepped through and fell hard onto the floor of Myrnin’s lab.
The portal closed behind her and Claire looked up to see Myrnin moving books around. His lab was slightly messy, a few upturned chairs and glass spread out on the floor in certain parts.
‘Damn,’ Claire said and she stared at Myrnin for a good long time.
His hair was long and black, and he was quite tall with pale skin, it should have made him look insane… well… it did except he was seemingly sober.
‘Hello Claire,’ Myrnin said, turning to look at his assistant. ‘What brings you on this fine day?’
‘Have you taken your crystals?’ Claire asked him, rummaging in her pocket and pulling out a few crystals for him to take.
‘It would seem I have run out, but thank you Claire,’ Myrnin was by her side before Claire could even blink, and he took the crystals from her hand and shoved them in his mouth.
Claire surprised as she was, made her way to turn over a misplaced chair and sat down on it. ‘What happened here?’
Myrnin looked around and sighed. ‘I got a bit angry with myself. I do apologise. It would seem I am dropping further into insanity.’
Claire rolled her eyes. ‘You don’t say.’
The lab was definitely a mess, everything was a mess, book pages were ripped out of their spines, scattering the floor of the lab, a lamp was turned over, smashed and dangerous. A few pots where smashed on Myrnin’s desk and pencils, pens and parchment (that Myrnin had written on), were scattered all over the floor.
‘My god Myrnin… why?’ Claire gasped.
‘Oh you ask too many questions Claire. Help me please,’ Myrnin picked up a few pages of a book and shoved them in a black bag. ‘And when this bag is full, would you mind throwing it outside my lab for me? I’ll take it out to the bins later.’
‘Sure. Anything for you,’ Claire said sarcastically. Myrnin noticed it and glared at her, hard and dangerous.
‘Don’t mess with me girl. I’ve killed plenty of my assistants before and if you ever step out of place, you might just be joining them,’ Myrnin’s eyes flashed red and for a moment, he looked like he might pounce on her. Then it was gone. ‘Oh my god. I’m so sorry Claire… I just…’
Claire understood… he couldn’t be trusted. But she did.
‘Get me a blood bag please,’ Myrnin whispered and he pointed towards his fridge.
Claire took a step forward and before she could get anywhere near the fridge, Myrnin pinned her down, bared his teeth and was about to bite her when Claire grabbed for her pocket, searching for the stake, she found it and stabbed Myrnin in the chest.
Myrnin’s fangs subsided, and his eyes rolled back into his head as he flopped to the floor.
Oh my god! Claire thought.
‘Ada!’ She shrieked. ‘Portal please! To the city hall!’
‘You have made the biggest mistake of your life… bye bitch,’ Ada laughed and opened a portal.
Claire frowned, dragged Myrnin’s body through the portal and stopped dead as Michael Glass stared at her from the entrance of the hall.
‘Damn,’ Claire whispered and she let go of Myrnin’s body. ‘It was instinct!’
Michael frowned and sucked in a deep breath. ‘If Amelie sees this…’
‘Oh but Amelie has seen this,’ came a voice, elegant and deadly all in one.
Great… Claire was busted.


Please please please review it all... it would be real helpful if you could.

Hey iCarlyfan!
This is really good. I'm first going to start off with the first bit ok?
First of all, I like your introduction. It's not boring, but doesn't give away the characters to much.
Now, I think your grammer is alright, I like how you don't explain the characters in one big go, but know what they're like. Amelie is really mysterious, I like the evilness inside her, (not that I like evil people!)
Your description is terrific, as I really don't like stories with just dialogue. I think this first part is wicked!
Now the second part:
First off, Eve's description is lovely, without saying she's gothisc your descrition says that!

scotching

Whoopsie, typo you might want to change that to scootching!
Even though it's in third-person, you can really feel what Claire is feeling. This is really cool. You might want to chage he whole 'he said she said' thing and add in some more interesting words. Also, you might want to use the 5 senses to help you with your description.
Overall, this piece is excellent. You are a talented writer, and well done!
~Tamara

Ah I always make spelling mistakes lol and I do have trouble with the five senses and grr iPod touches are annoying! Not accurate. Thanks anyway!

Do you do your writing on an iPodTouch? That must take forever!!!
Anyway, sorry my review wasn't that long, I'm not that good at writing reviews either!
Again, loved it!
~Tamara

NO that would take forever. i do not write on my ipod touch... ugh, hate them but they're nice every so often... if i cba to get the laptop out haha.

i like this. i kept saying to myself that it would be so cool if Ameilia turned Claire into a vampire.
i didnt imagine it going like this but its still really cool.