Young Writers Society

We had to write another chapter of The Giver by Louis Lowry in my English class. The first sentence is actually the last sentence of the book.



But perhaps it was only an echo.
** *
Jonas waited, expecting to feel the cold snow beneath him, but instead, only the soft cotton sheets came to greet him. Startled, he opened his eyes.
Above him, the ceiling let loose to the sharp winter sky. Snow silently drifted down around him, but Jonas did not feel the cold. The snowflakes would simply melt on Jonas’s arm with a farewell tickle.
Fascinated with this strange place, Jonas sat up. Strange colors danced around him, colors that he had no word for. Colors that were not in the memories.
Behind him, outside a window, a river called to him. Obediently, Jonas walked towards it. Outside, a light wind crawled across Jonas’s face. He sighed, trying to make sense of this strange place. Then Jonas understood.
He had failed. He had not made it to the Elsewhere that was his destination. He was in a different Elsewhere altogether.
“Jonas!” A small voice called to him. He turned to see Gabe stumbling to him clumsily. Jonas closed the space between them, and picked up the squirming toddler. His heart sank, and he clung to the child.
He had destroyed Gabe’s chance for life. Denied him his freedom. If it weren’t for Jonas, Gabe would have been able to live a peaceful life in the community. No, Jonas stopped himself. Gabe would have been released in the community. Jonas remembered now, he had left early, and unscheduled to save Gabe’s life.
He had left the Giver unaware of his departure. Jonas wondered if the community had been able to cope with the memories that he left them. He wondered if the Giver was able to put the community back in order.
Almost on cue, a voice called to him, “Jonas,” It called, “Jonas, over here!” He turned, only to see a figure standing on a snowy hill. Jonas began to walk towards the silhouette, which could now be identified as a man.
The shape gestured to him, urging him to come closer. Jonas was only a few meters away now, but he stopped. He speculated the familiar man as Gabe snuggled closer to Jonas’s phantom warmth. The Giver let out a small chuckle, and closed the space between them.
Gabe whined as he was squished in the firm embrace. “Jonas,” the Giver spoke softly, “Welcome to Elsewhere.”
“Are we where I think we are?” Jonas asked.
The Giver only nodded, hiding the tears in his eyes. “I want you to meet someone.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Jonas followed him as he slowly began to descend the hill.
The Giver brought them to a small cabin that stood among frosted trees. Inside, they stood by a fire. That was when a girl with black hair, and startling blue eyes peered into the room. “Jonas, this is my daughter.” The Giver spoke, “This is my daughter, Rosemary.”

Awesome! I loved The Giver, that was a great book.
Anyways, You mentioned many things already from the book. Like Jonas remembering how Gabe would have been released. I really think Jonas would have stopped thinking about those things by now, and it was just you putting them in to tie the chapter to the story. For someone who's already read the book, those tidbits are unnecessary.
I loved your input of Rosemary, just the perfect thing to do in the epilogue.
But, um, what are they now? Ghosts?
Anywhoo, kudos.
Jenth

Hola! You already know me so what's the point in an introduction?

First off, I liked your idea and it was creative. Not to mention you got a better grade on it than I did. Kudos.

Second, the meat of the review;

Above him, the ceiling let loose to the sharp winter sky.

You're in love with oxymorons.

If there is no ceiling, how can it let loose to something? Does that mean there's walls and no ceiling and it's snowing? o_O
Weird.

Jonas closed the space between them, and picked up the squirming toddler.

Bah! Kill the comma. It needs to die!

His heart sank, and he clung to the child.

I'd replace the "and" with "as" and, yet again, kill the comma.
Poor little commas D:

Jonas remembered now, he had left early, and unscheduled to save Gabe’s life.

Maybe instead of "unscheduled" you could use "impromptu".

*shares inside joke with Poem*

But yeah, seriously, it would fit better.

Almost on cue, a voice called to him, “Jonas,” It called, “Jonas, over here!”

... gross.

Okay, so here's some changes I would make;

Almost As if on cue, a voice called to him [replace comma with semicolon and skip line];
"Jonas", It the voice called, "[delete the second 'Jonas'] over here!"

So it would now be;

As if on cue, a voice called to him;
"Jonas", the voice called, "over here!"

He turned, only to see a figure standing on a snowy hill.

So maybe I'm being a little harsh here, but I think that sentence should say "Jonas turned towards the voice, only to see a figure..."

Jonas began to walk towards the silhouette, which could now be identified as a man.

I think I'm being a little too nit-picky right here, but;

"Jonas began to walk towards the silhouette, which he identified to be a man."

“Jonas,” the Giver spoke softly, “Welcome to Elsewhere.”
“Are we where I think we are?” Jonas asked.

... Oddly repetitive. The Giver already confirmed where they are, so why is he asking about it again?

That was when a girl with black hair, and startling blue eyes peered into the room.

Kill that comma!

So, that is my review. You don't have to take my review, since you did get a better score on it that I (which is ironic; I'm reviewing yours when you should be reviewing mine...). I liked it; imaginative and descriptive, as always ^_^

See you at school!
~Peanut

Is cool, is cool. I liked this, but I really don't think it tied up the gajillion loose ends that book had. But then again, maybe it wasn't supposed to. I was kind of confused, but the book itself confused me, so at least it fit the style of the book! But it was good.

First off I absolutely loved The Giver.It was an amazing book and this was a really good add-on. It could have been a bit better. I agree with peanutgallery007 with the errors pointed out by her and in case you forgot they were,

peanutgallery007 wrote:
Above him, the ceiling let loose to the sharp winter sky.

If there is no ceiling, how can it let loose to something? Does that mean there's walls and no ceiling and it's snowing? o_O
Weird.

Jonas closed the space between them, and picked up the squirming toddler.

Bah! Kill the comma. It needs to die!

His heart sank, and he clung to the child.

I'd replace the "and" with "as" and, yet again, kill the comma.
Poor little commas D:

Jonas remembered now, he had left early, and unscheduled to save Gabe’s life.

Maybe instead of "unscheduled" you could use "impromptu".

*shares inside joke with Poem*

But yeah, seriously, it would fit better.

Almost on cue, a voice called to him, “Jonas,” It called, “Jonas, over here!”

... gross.

Okay, so here's some changes I would make;

Almost As if on cue, a voice called to him [replace comma with semicolon and skip line];
"Jonas", It the voice called, "[delete the second 'Jonas'] over here!"

So it would now be;

As if on cue, a voice called to him;
"Jonas", the voice called, "over here!"

He turned, only to see a figure standing on a snowy hill.

So maybe I'm being a little harsh here, but I think that sentence should say "Jonas turned towards the voice, only to see a figure..."

Jonas began to walk towards the silhouette, which could now be identified as a man.

I think I'm being a little too nit-picky right here, but;

"Jonas began to walk towards the silhouette, which he identified to be a man."

“Jonas,” the Giver spoke softly, “Welcome to Elsewhere.”
“Are we where I think we are?” Jonas asked.

... Oddly repetitive. The Giver already confirmed where they are, so why is he asking about it again?

That was when a girl with black hair, and startling blue eyes peered into the room.

Kill that comma!

So, that is my review. You don't have to take my review, since you did get a better score on it that I (which is ironic; I'm reviewing yours when you should be reviewing mine...). I liked it; imaginative and descriptive, as always ^_^[/quote]

Thi is really good, and like all the other guys, I loved the Giver.
keep up the good work!

Rude, rude, rude. Leaving us of like that. When I started reading this I thought you'd tie up the lose ends but you made more! Love the book, think ya did a great job. If somebody put this on the end of the book I couldn't tell the difference. Also Rosemary is sopposed to be REALESED or dead. Little confused abut that. Good job though!

Iiscrafty, I think the point of this is that he IS dead. He and the baby dies, and somehow the Giver did too.


I liked this! I think it tied things up- yeah, they failed, but they're in a happier place full of color now. Just remember, Jonas probably doesn't know what the color black is called- so he probably couldn't describe Rosemary's hair that accurately. Overall, though, nice.