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Hero's Sacrifice, Pt 1



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Mon May 10, 2010 12:23 am
Gladius says...



Yes, Glad is back with more fanfiction. This is part one of three in what is sometimes more commonly known as a "oneshot", at least in the fanfiction community.

I will warn you--this relies in some parts on information from a novel of mine which is not yet posted on YWS but which can be found here, if you're interested. This piece technically comes a few years after the end of that story; the MC, Link (of course), is thinking back to a major event which happens at that time.

Also, this is a primarily romance-oriented piece, with varying doses of angst and hurt and happiness throughout (yeah, talk about a non-sequitur...). Oh, and secondly, I'd rate this a T on FF.net for just occasional curses and some not-too-bloody fighting. Just to be on the safe side. SO! You have been warned! ^.^

Sooo, umm...yeah. I think I'll just let you read it now. ^^; Here's Part 1! (Part 2 and 3 should be coming tomorrow and the day after.)
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Hero's Sacrifice
Part One: The Victory

One would think, after having survived four centuries of Goddesses-damned war, I wouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore. But lately, I’ve found myself quite surprised.

As recently as eight years ago, if someone had told me I would meet, fight beside, fall in love with, and marry the woman of my dreams, I would have laughed and asked, “You’re joking, right? This is just a cruel trick of my imagination. I’m certain of it.”

And I would have called someone crazy if they added that Kellyanne Satori would be that woman.

After all, I had known her before her birth. I knew her parents rather well, actually, considering my reluctance to mingle with the general population of Hyrule. Her father Adriel was a well-known and much-loved landowner in Northern Lanayru, not far from Lon Lon Ranch on the banks of River Lanayru. His wife Mara was a Gerudo—Nabooru’s biological sister, actually. They often sought my advice as to whom to trust, who were the best merchants, and the political and ethical history of families; I got around a lot, for how much I tended to stay in the shadows during peacetime.

As luck would have it, the Lord and Lady were under Aerian’s father’s jurisdiction. Though they got along well enough in public, Adriel despised what the Duke was doing and teaching his sons—especially Aerian, the eldest. It is sick irony that their daughter (and I) would fall prey to the machinations of that man seventeen years later.

But I digress somewhat. The reason I mention this history is because I had thought it impossible that I should fall head-over-heels for someone I had known since she was a baby. It must be kept in mind that I was (and still am), in essence, immortal. I was, by my estimation, just over 400 when she was born; though I looked like a seventeen-year-old, and could vary my appearance to seem any age from fourteen to twenty.

The point is, it was absurd at the time to think I could marry her. And this is why I was shocked when I saw her again, fourteen years after I spirited her away to another world.

I remember feeling like Epona had kicked me square on the chest when I finally recognized her. She had physically developed as only a half-Hylian-half-Gerudo could, a fusion of traits from both tribes that gave her the grace of a large hunting cat. I wasn’t sure then what her personality was like, but there was no mistaking that predatory air which warned those with the senses to see it to back off, or else. It’s a uniquely Gerudo trait which no interracial crossing can erase.

At the time, however, I attributed my breathlessness to having just run and fought through a small encampment of Darknuts about a mile east of the compound where I found her.

I frequently kick myself for not realizing sooner how I felt about her. Even after I had pinned down what it was, though, I had trouble admitting it to her. I couldn’t seem to find the usual reserves of bravery that helped me be who I was—the Hero of Time. By the time I scraped together enough courage to confront her, it was nearly too late. As it was, we had about two minutes together before Aerian betrayed his people and turned her over to my greatest enemy.

That long interval without her beside me is a hazy and painful one in my recollection. It didn’t take me all that long to physically pluck her from Amadeus’ clutches (against then-Princess Zelda’s orders), but all her memories of me and her identity were actively repressed and eaten up by my dark counterpart. It took months and dozens of battles to regain those memories. Until she could remember everything, I would be just a little bit emptier inside.

But when she did get them back… Bless the Goddesses, I have never been happier in my life. Despite the looming final encounter with our nemesis, not even a god like Amadeus could have brought me down as long as I knew she loved me. I had gone so long without being able to hold on to anything, for fear that it would wither away while I remained immortal, that this simple feeling was the best gift I could have received. I think it’s rather safe to say that the Goddesses made up for all my long, lonely existence when they breathed life into Kellyanne.

In that last week of darkness, as our armies prepared for battle—even as other stunning revelations such as the truth about the Darknuts and Midna’s mysterious identity surfaced-—I slowly realized something. If all went well, at the end of that week, Kel and I would be free of the curse of immortality. And when it happened, I wanted to know she would always be by my side until the day I died, even if some other twist of fate decided we would live forever. I felt more alive than I ever had in 400 years with her around, even out of sight around the twisting staircase as we raced to the top of Amadeus’ castle and the final battle.

Providing we lived through this, I swore to myself I would ask her to marry me.

Once the long battle had ended—once the dust, the silence, the realization that it was finally over had settled—I turned to my heroine. She had made this possible. Without her wit, without her determination, without her strength of heart, this never would have happened. My love for her only grew stronger as I studied her exhausted, triumphant state, her formerly-neat red braid all askew and dirt and blood smeared on her tanned skin. She was still my angel, even if she wasn’t the glowing, gold-clothed woman I had escorted to the Harvest Ball three months earlier.

I think the truth of what she had just done hadn’t quite sunk in as I embraced her. When I stepped back to examine her for any major wounds and said, “It’s over,” she simply gave me a blank stare. “It’s finally over,” I repeated, my throat beginning to clog with emotion. I held her tightly, rubbing her back and pressing a kiss to her messy hair. “It’s over. The curse is broken… Thank you. Thank you.”

She pulled back a little, and I could see the comprehension finally dawning in her emerald eyes. The impish smile I loved so much blossomed on her face; I found it hard to resist kissing it away. “We won? We won…” She threw her head back and laughed. She was still laughing when she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her forehead to my chest. “We did it! We really won! Yes!”

Before she could break away for a victory dance (of which I’d already seen many, usually after we had beaten the “temple bosses”, as she called them), I unlatched her hands from around my neck. Smiling, I took a small step back and sank down on one knee, holding her hands in mine and my eyes never leaving her face. I could feel the adrenaline of battle that hadn’t quite drained away yet still circling in my veins as I tried to find the words to say to her.

She watched me with a bewildered and suspicious expression, the flush of victory in her red cheeks and gleaming eyes. Sometimes I wonder if she suspected what I was doing; I’d overheard her talking to Vanessa one night about some Terran customs, and this had particularly caught my ear. So I figured I’d do this in a way that she was somewhat familiar with, to make her a little more comfortable with the idea. Certainly she recognized the gesture? She was so headstrong, yet sometimes could be incredibly shy about some things, so I can’t be sure. I still don’t understand it, but as I only love her more for that little quirk, I’ve learned to accept it.

“Kel, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known,” I began. I chuckled inwardly at the embarrassed flush this brought to her already-red cheeks; she was so modest… “Your heart is so pure and giving; you do everything you can to help almost anyone you come across, even some of the lowest people in all societies.”

This was certainly true. Almost anywhere we’d traveled in our quest to free the temples (and her memories) of Amadeus’ darkness, she’d always kept that innocent compassion that only disappeared when true evil reared its head—such as in the cases of Aerian and the darkness in her mind. The rest of the time, she’d go out of her way to help a little orphan boy or someone like Anju the cuckoo lady (whom I myself had helped more than once in the past…not to mention her ancestors).

“You’ve done so much for me already,” I confessed. “Despite being the Hero of Time, many times I myself have felt I am the lowest of the low. Immortality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But if I asked you to follow me through such a curse all over again, to stay with me forever…would you accept?”

Her expression slowly morphed from bewildered to awed and finally to endlessly joyful as I spoke. She joined me on her knees, my hands clasped tightly in hers; I could see tears of happiness in her eyes. “Are you asking me to marry you?” she questioned with the softness of a breath, a smile curving her lips.

I couldn’t resist a grin of my own. “If you’ll have me,” I replied, taking a hand from our interlocked fingers to stroke her cheek with my thumb.

The first tear spilled from her eyes, and she hugged me so fiercely that I had trouble staying upright. “Yes, yes! Of course I will, you big dope!” she sobbed affectionately.

I was so elated I didn’t feel even a momentary sting of indignity at the good-natured insult.

Once the euphoria had passed—including a victory dance that I happily joined—we calmed down enough to notice that everyone else in our little core party had already left. There was just one more thing to attend to, however, before we followed them back down the tower.

“Link?” Kel questioned, holding my gaze with hers, her hands resting comfortably on my biceps. I cocked my head to one side, wolf-style, to let her know she had my attention and curiosity. “Um…can we wait a little while on the wedding?” she requested shyly, looking down and picking at a loose thread on my tunic.

“Of course,” I answered immediately. “But, if I might ask…why wait?”

A little smile tugged at her lips. “Well, on Earth, I wouldn’t quite be considered an adult yet. It just feels weird thinking I could be married at seventeen or eighteen already,” she confessed. The pleading green-eyed gaze I couldn’t possibly resist snared my eyes, and I knew I would say yes to whatever she had planned next. “Can we wait until maybe twenty to actually marry?”

My heart sank a fraction; that seemed an awfully long time now that I wasn’t immortal. But then I remembered that we would likely be spending every day of those three years together anyway. Besides, it wasn’t a half-bad idea to get to know each other even better before exchanging vows. It wasn’t that we weren’t already happy with each other, but we’d only grown close in a dangerous, battle-infested environment. It was going to take a long time to get acquainted with domestic life after centuries of peril.

The enormity of the thing finally hit me as I considered her request. Her pleading eyes grew desperate as the silence dragged on, however, which hurt me more than any physical blow I had ever taken.

So I smiled and replied, “Of course, love.”

Her eyes grew wide with surprise at the unexpected moniker, but quickly shifted to a full-fledged grin. Having thus disarmed me, she locked her arms around my neck and captured my lips in hers.

After that ambush, I was in for far more surprises than I had bargained.
When Heroes fall and the Sacred Blade is captured, can Evil be stopped?~The Wings of Darkness

I'm also ZeldaMoogle on Fanfiction.net!

"Funny is a formula for which there are a million variables, and it is impossible to backtrack unless, possibly, you make a living out of it."~Rosey Unicorn
  





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Mon May 10, 2010 2:09 am
NumberSeven says...



Hallo!

I like Zelda, fun to play. Woot. Anyway, I'm not here to comment on if your story is too Zelda-y or not Zelda-y. I think you've got that figured out.

Cons!
It's great to know about Kel in the beginning, but we don't need a family tree. All the explanation was slow moving. You could start further along and integrate it into the story.
If you mention the marriage thing in the beginning, it takes away from the actual moment. You can allude to it, but I suggest not putting it so bluntly.
When he's making his speech before proposing, I found that part about the temples and the cuckoo lady out of place. An interruption of his speech might not be the best idea.

Pros! :)
Good balance of narrative and thoughts/feelings.
Good grammar ^.^ You get a star.
Nice diction. You didn't spam adjectives.
It flowed well despite the jumping around and thinking.
Ended with a cliffhanger type thing *thumbs up*

Keep it up!
~ Come to the dark side. We have cookies! ~
~ Ha, we're the dark side. Why are you surprised we lied about the cookies? ~
  





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Sat May 15, 2010 10:49 pm
Rosendorn says...



And another work to get of Works with 1 review!

She was so headstrong, yet sometimes could be incredibly shy about some things, so I can’t be sure. I still don’t understand it, but as I only love her more for that little quirk, I’ve learned to accept it.


The tenses in here are off. "Can't" should be "couldn't." And I'm bad at tenses so I could be missing some.

“Yes, yes! Of course I will, you big dope!” she sobbed affectionately.


I find the tag choking this sentence. For one, it's using a couple words you don't normally see in tags (sobbed) and an adverb that's a bit flat "affectionately" (check my mild rant on "darkly" in my review on TWOD. It mostly applies, only I find stuff like "affectionately" to be taking an easy way out for conveying what dialogue and situation should already).

I'd cut the tag.

*

So other than a few too many adjectives and the slow start to the beginning (and a few too many loose ends in the history, like the tangent and the battle to regain memories, which I'm sure would be remedied if I read GP) I found one pretty big flaw in logic to this:

Why has he only fallen in love now?

Yeah, he can resist love because of situation, and he can shut his heart away when he finds himself falling for a girl. But it's not completely explained why, after 400 years give or take, he has never even felt a hint of love yet he suddenly feels it now. It just really doesn't make sense to me.

I enjoyed the arc in this; I'm a sucker for romantic subplots. You could really stand to cut some of the "flatter" adjectives. I've given you two examples now, one of which (affectionately) isn't so bad, but you should watch out for them.

Pretty good arc, though. A nice, light read.

Drop me a line if you have any questions.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  








if ya mention chickens, i have to show up, that is the law.
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