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Amusement Caught the Eye



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Sun May 23, 2010 6:46 pm
confused says...



DISCLAIMER; I sadly do not own NCIS, the show nor the real fed group.I also don't own any characters unless they're made up by me.
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Chapter One:


I walked out of the elevator to my team space, coffee in hand. And I paused before passing two of my agents, I laughed to myself looking at the scene in front of my eyes. This is gonna be fun I thought. I walked in the middle of my teams’ space and yelled, “HEY! WHAT Y’ALL DOING DOZING OFF! Don’t we have any cases?!”

I watched as the whole team jerk awake, well almost the whole team. I eyed a certain Italian, looking at my other agents to answer the unspoken question.

“Um, he, um, he went out drinking last night, had a date with him, probably didn’t get all that much sleep. Boss.” McGee said, squirming since he was still a little drowsy.

So, I eyed Ziva, till she spoke. “Brunette, blue eyes, double D’s, and long legs.” She spoke all at once, still picking the things that had drop on the floor off the floor and back on her desk.

“Would you like me to wake up Tony, Boss?” McGee said starting to get up.

“No, I’ll do it McGee.” I said, walking towards my senior agent. Then I stood next to him and slapped the back of his head. I watched in amusement as Tony jerked up so fast he fell out of his chair. “DiNozzo! Didn’t you hear me the first time?! Get up off your ass!”
I was practically laughing hysterical to myself, seeing the dazed and confused look on Tony’s face.


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Tony’s POV

“Ow!” I screamed holding my head from the pain of both the slap and colliding with the floor face first. I looked up to my Boss, Damn it Gibbs!, Why do you have to slap me so much?!
Gibbs started to walk back to his desk while I started to slowly got back up. I got to my feet and the room started to spin and all the hangover from last night came flooding back in. I groaned and tried to grab hold of something before I fell. In the process of doing this knocked off my stapler and it went flying towards Gibbs face.

He dodged it then looked at me. I could see both Ziva’s and McGee’s on me and Gibbs, thinking I was about to get jumped. I looked towards Gibbs, swallowed, and laughed nervously, “Sorry about that boss.” I managed to choke out, still maintaining my death hold on the desk, since I was getting dizzier by the second.
He looked at me with a glare. And I swallowed with fear. This isn’t going to end well. He walked over towards me, “You got something against me DiNozzo?” He asked.

“No, I have nothing against you!” I rubbed the back of my head. He gave me the Gibbs look that meant, you’re gonna get it. I was scared half to death. But he started to walk back to his desk. My partners and I just looked at one another; he was waiting to hurt me. Another bad sign. We all jumped as Gibbs desk phone rang. I started to smirk, finally the week was about to really begin.

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Author: So, how'd I do? This is my story and it is also on Fanfiction.net but a few pairs of fresh eyes and minds couldn't hurt. I could use some advice. But warning, the chapters do get better. I fixed some things as I wrote, but i never went back to fix the other chapters. Well, good reading!

P.S. This chapter is just a bit short, sorry. The others are longer, not by much but longer. And rating will go up in future chapters
"She knows just how to hold me
and when her edges soften
her body is my coffin.
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed...
must be the sign on my head
it says, "Oh, love me dead!"
Love me dead!"


~simply confused~
  





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Mon May 24, 2010 8:12 pm
dogs says...



Okay quick things. Dogs here and the "How did i do it" kinda unncesiary. But anyways this sounds nice and i think it actully belongs in novels not short stories.... With this start you have already shaped the characters and i dont know if these are in disirable ways or not. For example i am already perciving the team as lazy and dont work hard. Also McGee and Tony as "lovebirds".

But all in all this sounds nice keep up the good work!


~Dogs :smt032
Be a cool kid and do my Short Story Contest! viewtopic.php?f=404&t=97148&p=1122883#p1122883

"Quoth the Raven. Nevermore" - Edgar Allan Poe
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1729
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Tue May 25, 2010 2:17 am
confused says...



Maybe. But this is kinda fan fiction. I don't know if I put this in that section. I thought I did. And it's only chapter one. Tony and McGee are totally not love birds. And I see your point on how I shaped the characters. Still on the learning road to near-perfection. If you watch NCIS, they are hard working but at times they get bored if they have no case. But thanks. And I'm glad that it sounds nice.
"She knows just how to hold me
and when her edges soften
her body is my coffin.
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed...
must be the sign on my head
it says, "Oh, love me dead!"
Love me dead!"


~simply confused~
  








You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind