Young Writers Society

Writer's note: ( If you have read The Hunger Games you can skip this!)There are 12 districts, overruled by a cruel capitol. To maintain order of the districts the Capitol makes each district send a child 12-18 from each district. Here's where our story begins. 12-year old Rue and 16-year-old Katniss ( the main charecter in the oringinal books). Some tributes are already dead. Rue has stayed alive by taying off the ground. Katniss has a plan...


I could kill her. It wouldn't be hard. My knife through her heart. She would die peacefully, easily. I couldn't. The mockingjay. She trusted me... Look what this game was doing to me! Killing people- I couldn't. I won't. Katniss stirred next to me.
" Rue?", Katniss turned to me," Today's the day. The careers are going down."

The plan was set. Gripping my small knife I climbed up the nearest tree, scouting my position. There- the perfect spot. Leaping through the trees I quickly came to the spot. Watching for the careers I set the fire. Victory! Leaping back through the trees I scouted the second spot. Leaping down I set the fire as fast as I could- with no time to think. Breathing heavily I scouted the next spot. Through the trees I saw it. Leaping like lightning I got to the spot and began to start the fire. Taking a step to the left to get a twig something closed around me, swinging me up to the trees. A net. I was dead. Sensing eyes on me I squiggled around trying to get my knife. Fear ran over me. Where was it! Tooting the 4-note mocking jay song I taught Katniss. My hand fell around the knife. The eyes felt closer now. I saw a big bushy figure through the woods. Marvel. He raised a long spear in my direction. I was going to die. I could at least try to kill him first. Arching my hand I got the knife out of my belt. Getting ready to cut a hole in the net I saw the spear race toward me. Bracing myself I shrunk down, ready to die. Suddenly The net fell. Grabbing my knife I cut a hole in my prison and turned to face Marvel. To my shock he lay on the ground blood spilling out. I looked around ready to face Foxface. Instead I saw a strong figure with sandy hair run past me. Thresh.Whispering my thanks, I ran to find Katniss.

Hello! I am here to review. Before I get to reviewing, I have no intention on hurting your feelings. It is just constructive criticism.(:
Red- Corrections
Blue- Comments
Green- Take out
Pink- Highlighting

craftywriter wrote:I could kill her. It wouldn't be hard. My knife through her heart. She would die peacefully, easily. I couldn't. The mockingjay. She trusted me... Look what this game was doing to me! Killing people- I couldn't. I won't. Katniss stirred next to me.
" Rue?", Katniss turned to me," Today's the day. The careers are going down."

The plan was set. Gripping my small knife I climbed up the nearest tree, scouting my position. There- the perfect spot. Leaping through the trees, I quickly came to the spot. Watching for the careers, I set the fire. Victory! Leaping back through the trees, I scouted the second spot. Leaping down, I set the fire as fast as I could- with no time to think. Breathing heavily, I scouted the next spot. Through the trees I saw it. Leaping like lightning, I got to the spot and began to start the fire. Taking a step to the left to get a twig, something closed around me, swinging me up to the trees. A net. I was dead. Sensing eyes on me I squiggled around trying to get my knife. Fear ran over me. Where was it? Tooting the four-note mocking jay song I taught Katniss. My hand fell around the knife. The eyes felt closer now. I saw a big bushy figure through the woods. Marvel. He raised a long spear in my direction. I was going to die. I could at least try to kill him first. Arching my hand, I got the knife out of my belt. Getting ready to cut a hole in the net, I saw the spear race toward me. Bracing myself I shrunk down, ready to die. Suddenly, the net fell. Grabbing my knife, I cut a hole in my prison and turned to face Marvel. To my shock, he lay on the ground, blood spilling out. I looked around ready to face Foxface. Instead I saw a strong figure with sandy hair run past me. Thresh.Whispering my thanks, I run to find Katniss.

Okay, good start. My main nitpicks with this is that it isn't broken up in paragraphs, and that it's more tell than show. To make it more show than tell, maybe describe the arena that Rue is in. Explain how she feels to be swinging in the trees, or how she lit the fires. Is she excited or terrified? What is she thinking? Please explain.(:

I read the Hunger Games and I understand what you are saying. Instead, write it as if you are writing for people who haven't read it. If someone read this who hasn't read the Hunger Games, it would be confusing. Just another thought. (:

Keep writing! PM me if you have any questions.

Hey CW!
I like the way you stated everything in a matter of fact way, it was a different style of approaching Rue's character. Only problem was the lack of description. In the hunger games Rue is depicted as a cunning little girl, and i doubt this is how she would have observed things. I like your alternate ending though, and would like to see how far you could go with that!
Zib

Honestly Zib I can only do my own charecters personatily. It's one of my writer flaws.

one I'd just love to say that that like Zibbe I was glad for the alternate ending I was so sad when Rue died. I have to agree that you should go back a little and explain how they came up with the plan the surroundings. And I'm really excited for the next part especially why Thresh saved her. It's a reallly good start keep going.

Hey K,
This is cute. I do agree with Zib's comment about Rue's personality. She was one of my favorite characters and I don't think you really captured the esscence of her. Overall it was a nice story though. Nice thought.