Of course, you'll see that I started out typing our names but got tired so I just used B and K and M to denote whose addition to the story it was. Enjoy!Meagan's Bedtime Story Collaboration
Bailey: Huhhhuhhhuhhuhhuhhh!!! (Sounds of sobbing float across Mobile Bay...)
Kristen: maybe if we act pathetic enough she'll come back to us
Bailey: (Still sobbing...)
K: *Kristen begins sobbing as a river of snot makes its way down her face*
B: Huhuhuhuhhuh!!!! (Bailey is caught up in the river and starts to float away, the sounds of her sobbing has roused an angry hoard of college students...)
K: The angry hoard of college students now makes its way up river to discover the instigator of such troubles...
B: They are surprised to see two distraught girls, both with red faces and eyes so swollen with crying over a friend, that they immediately decide to make them stop crying through any means necessary...(huhhuhhuh!! *the sobbing continues*)
K: So they journey through manic Mobile, over the blazing bay, through the deep forests of Daphne, to the world-renowned artist community of Fairhope...
(Meanwhile, back in their dorm room, Kristen and Bailey are still sobbing and can no longer breathe through their noses)...
B: Once the adventuring students arrive, they follow the path the sobs have led them straight to the house of a girl, she is outside her home stomping on the hearts of her friends with some seriously big redneck camo boots, all the while carrying around a sniper rifle which she then proceeds to shoot at the adventuring students as they try to stop her...(sobs fill the air, and one can't help but think Draco Malfoy would be impressed with the quality of the sobbing *huhuhuuh!!*)
K: The frighteningly tough girl forces the stampede to retreat to Fort Alexander across the street where they begin to develop a strategy in order to coerce the girl in boots to put an end to the sobbing once and for all.
(the two sobbing girls have now lost all function of their eyes due to the side effect of swelling from all their sobbing)
B: Far, far away, In a country where donkeys don’ttalk…a strange sound fills the air. It sounds like someone in pain…actually, the residents remark, two girls sobbing. Back in Fort Alexander, the brave students have come up with a plan. First, they must get those boots off that chick. They know there will be casualties…and none of them even bother telling the small kid at the back of the room that they are going to use him as a human shield. He’ll understand it’s for the good of humanity later on…possibly…either way, the mission must be executed soon, before Bailey and Kristen lose all use of every orifice on their faces. (huhuhuhuhuh!!! *sobbing continues back at the dorm, where the girls are now too weak that they merely flop around trying to sob*)
K: Sergeant Alexander rounds up her troops and they prepare to storm the McRae Fortress. The small boy is grabbed. All protests against their manhandling are ignored as the students storm yet again across the street. The Sgt. cries out "We are not attacking!" and then they attack. The girl is pinned to the ground and tickling commences...
Meanwhile back at the dorm a waterfall has now begun to flow down the stairs. Residents are angrily demanding to know whether or not someone has set off the smoke detectors and they are grabbing possessions to save from water damage...
B: Thankfully, the small boy managed to survive...and once the boots were off, the girl returned to her former self. The boots were cursed!! Suddenly, a white witch appeared and said “I'll get you my studenties and your little boy too!” (She pointed at the boy who in turn started sobbing.) Back at the dorm, a full-out evacuation of the building has commenced with residents running and screaming while holding onto possessions. The flood-waters of Kristen and Bailey have risen to unseen heights, and rescue workers aren’t sure if the girls will survive. (huHuhuhhuh!! *sobbing continues with the girls transformed into monstrous caricatures of themselves*)
K: The white witch vanished in a cloud of smoke and as the troops began to look among each other for answers as to who this evil woman was; Sgt Alexander stepped up and said, "It seems that the witch can only be defeated when this young lady here reaches true happiness and her full potential as a human being." The girl with no boots peered around in a confused manner until she realized that Alexander was speaking to her! Achieve true happiness? What could this mean? While Meagan was pondering these things in her heart, news of the occurrences on campus had reached President Obama. Matters had reached such an urgent level that he made the executive decision to send FEMA in to aid in the evacuation of all Mobile County...
B: The aid was much needed, seeing as how those students had no place to stay, and it didn't seem like the tear waters would ever stop--although, the people watching were beginning to wonder how those girls managed to stay hydrated...
Sgt. Alexander decided that the de-booted girl needed to go on a journey to the mystical land through the cupboard...it was there that the girl found herself kidnapped by an evil queen of cards and she despaired of ever finding her happiness...(she sobbed *huhuhuh!* though not quite so successfully as Kristen and Bailey, Malfoy gave her attempt a 6 out of 10)...Poof! To Meagan’s shock, a tiny house elf appeared and told her she was in danger if she went to school...
K: While Kristen and Bailey were a tad bit dehydrated due to all their sobbing, their levels of dehydration are not excessive because at random intervals, they managed to flop over to their mini-fridge where they kept a stockpile of drinking liquids...has it been mentioned yet that they have acquired gills and flippers due to their prolonged exposure to salt water? Well if not...they have.
While Meagan was conversing with Dobby, the queen of cards rushed in and demanded that Meagan go "Off to her bed!!!"
Meagan soon realized that she was quite tired and willingly followed the queen of cards down a long dark hallway. At the end of the hallway, to her surprise she found a tiny red-headed family smiling hospitably and expectantly at her...
B: The red-heads All stare open-mouthed at her forehead as if expecting a lightning bolt shaped scar to appear magically on her forehead as if she had survived some killing curse that had destroyed her family. “As if that could ever happen,” she thought. The family was disappointed, and started to leave one by one through a chimney blazing with green fire on one side of the room. She was quite sad to see the twins leave…they were funny. She went to bed after that, and dreamed that she woke up in a land where little people sang and danced while holding giant lollipops. She immediately made herself wake up because little people made her feel weird…
Kristen and Bailey continued to sob, and the entire land mass of Lower Alabama was no longer a well, a land mass…in his home somewhere, Al Gore was jumping up and down saying “I told em the ice caps were melting! And they said I was a fraud…” Needless to say, no one paid him any attention and the male nurses came into his room to give him his loony pills and remind him that he only had 15 minutes out of his strait-jacket and padded room…
K: When Meagan woke up, her leg began to twitch uncontrollably. She looked down and saw, much to her amazement, that her right leg was the color of horse manure. "What has happened to my leg?!" A calm voice to the left of her bedside told her to relax and that he would explain everything. Startled, Meagan glanced over and saw an elderly man with an extremely kind face, wearing what looked like a long dress. He had a pair of spectacles perched above his long nose and Meagan could have sworn that she had seen him somewhere before. However, she chalked her failure to remember this man (whom she would later discover to have been named the number 1 WILF of all time by a strange tabloid called the "Daily Prophet") up to the fact that she had undergone such trauma in the past day or two. This man explained to Meagan that his name was Gandalf and that she was, what many people called, "The Chosen One." As Meagan began asking questions about what this meant, it was being discovered that Al Gore had escaped the loony bin!!!! As a matter of fact, he had decided that the prime cause of global warming lay at the hands of a young teenage girl named Swella Ban! Gore decided that it was his personal duty to take this young lady out (she happens to live in the rainiest city of the United States btw).
President Obama was beginning to realize that he had a full fledged crisis on his hands and Kristen and Bailey were still swimming around in Epsilon 2 sobbing underwater...
B: “I knew it!” Meagan exclaimed. She had always assumed she was special, but she was beginning to wonder why her leg was the color of….horse manure? Strange thing to happen to a leg, even if she did feel like she was living in a Stephen King novel…perhaps it had to do with the fact that she had worn cursed boots? Who knows…anyway, the wise WILF Gandalf told her she needed to go to Mordor and throw an evil gnome into a flaming volcano. She respectfully declined, saying he was full of manure and she was going to follow the red-headed family into the chimney…
Due to such prolonged exposure to an aquatic environment, Kristen and Bailey developed the ability to speak telepathically with each other and all other sea life. They had a lot of fun, and when Superman found out about their unique abilities, he recruited them into the League of Super Heroes. They saved the world, one fish at a time. All the while, sobbing and causing what wasn’t waterfront property before to go up in value…
Al Gore on the other hand wasn’t having much luck with his mission; he discovered that the girl Swella Ban was exceedingly difficult to kill. She had an army of mutant parakeets (called Werekeets) one of which had fallen in love with her, and also she was the girlfriend of a vampire who had the nasty habit of peeping into the windows of girls while they were plucking their eyebrows…
Meagan: ya'll are sooooo weird i have to say I am super entertained by this story
K: Thank you. We are entertaining ourselves quite a bit too
Now, if you don't mind, I believe that we will continue with our novel...Meagan jumped out of bed, bid Wilfy Gandalf farewell, and approached the fireplace rather hesitantly. She pushed all doubts out of her mind with the thought "I am the Chosen One. It is my destiny to travel through this fireplace to the lands beyond of red-headed people!" and with that, she grabbed a handful of the dust on the mantelpiece of the fireplace, threw it in, and quickly followed, yelling as she had heard the family before her, "Middle Earth!"
She was soon thrown out of the fireplace into what appeared to be a large deserted room. She heard voices and within seconds, a short little man with extremely hairy feet entered the room along with a tall homosexual with long, perfect, blonde hair. They stared at Meagan in confusion and she explained very calmly to them that she was looking for the red-heads. Before Meagan could even finish her sentence, the two drew their swords and ran from the room yelling "Sauron has returned!!!!"
Although Kristen and Bailey were now heroes, they still had not been able to cease their sobbing due to the fact that they had received the news that their dear friend was lost in what seemed to be a time warp or some sort of alternate reality...no one really knew specific details.
Al Gore was brutally murdered by a Werekeet and Swella discovered, much to her surprise that she was going to be a mommy!!!!!
Meagan: i want to be in the story....can we throw any story in?
B: You are in the story! You are the main character! Now stop interrupting...haha
M: no i wanna tell the story too
B: The baby turned out to not be her boyfriend’s though…much to his surprise, and not to anyone else’s…no one really believed that a vampire could make a baby. The father was the Werekeet, and Swella ended up laying an egg! Ouch…
Kristen and Bailey got fed up with the whole “My friend is far away and we can’t do anything about it” bit, so they decided to go find her and thus end their incessant sobbing, which to be frank, was starting to get old…(huhUhuhuhhhuh!! *I don’t want to sob anymore!*)
In the meanwhile, Meagan was perplexed at what the short furry footed man and the tall blondie toothpick meant…her name wasn’t Sauron. Her name was Meagan. So, she went after them, only to find herself being picked up by a giant tree man. He mumbled something, and she wondered just what kind of place this was that let its shrubbery get so out of control. Just then, a batch of knights in armor came galloping up to her, and they were clapping what appeared to be coconuts together to make clip-clopping sounds. This was because they had no horses. It was then that Meagan clicked her heels together and said, “I just wanna go home” three times. To her surprise, nothing happened and she was thrown down to the ground by the tree man when the knights attacked yelling, “Attack with the Holy Hand Grenade!”
M: While Meagan was falling to what she believed to be her death the only thing she could think was “Why are these men clapping coconuts together?” As she neared the ground a wardrobe appeared out of nowhere and Meagan crashed right through it.......
In the meantime Kristen and Bailey were in search of their missing friend they had a hard time getting to their destination since they had evolved into something that looked a little like a mermaid without a nose and their eyes were now swollen shut due to the excessive amount of crying they had been doing recently....
K: Meagan emerged out of the saving wardrobe into a beautiful snow-filled forest and the first thought she had was "Crap...a coat might have been a good idea." She ventured further into the cold like the brave soul she was and saw a short hairy man who was a real-life faun! Not one of those cartoon versions like in Hercules...this faun was quite an accomplished opera singer as well. He sang a very quiet greeting to Meagan, cautioning her to keep her dynamics to a mezzo forte at the absolute loudest due to the fact that the White Witch was bound to know that she had entered through the wardrobe and would come to find her very soon. The faun led Meagan through the woods to a cave-like dwelling where, much to Meagan's surprise, was Sgt Alexander waiting for them!!!!! As Meagan ran to greet her dear friend, she was shocked when Alexander drew out what on first glance appeared to be a stick and began to brandish it threateningly. It obvious from the ominous sounding incantations that the Sgt was muttering that the twig was actually a wand and that Sgt. Alexander had finally fallen prey to the White Witch's spell. Thankfully, the White Witch desired Meagan alive, or she would have never been able to escape. The Sgt began to approach Meagan but suddenly Meagan and the faun disappeared into thin air leaving the bewitched Sgt to gaze around in confusion at the empty lair.
Bailey and Kristen were making a methodical search of the Hogwarts castle for their friend. On their way through the castle, they stopped by Madame Pomfrey's and despite their great hurry to find Meagan, they finally gave in to her demands and allowed her to turn them back into full-fledged human beings. They were finally restored to their former beauty...
B: Alas, the authors of this amazing endeavor are tired and must adjourn for the evening...we will continue with the adventures of Meagan, Bailey, Kristen, and Sgt Alexander on a more favorable date. I bid you readers, adieu! And good night!
B: Well, the operatic faun and Meagan were drawn into a vortex that ended after what felt like years--and actually was. They woke up to find themselves in a land where the poor talking animals were subjugated and hiding in the woods. Out of nowhere, while the two lost souls were still dazed from the inter-dimensional travel, a tiny mouse with a sword popped up and proceeded to berate them for their lateness...none of which made any sense to Meagan. "You! Giant daughter of Eve! Where are the others?" he demanded in a squeaky voice. Of course if there is one thing fauns dislike more than clothing, it is mice with squeaky voices brandishing tiny swords at them. And Mr. Tumble was no exception. Upon sighting the mouse, Mr. Tumble immediately dropkicked the mouse, who thankfully landed in moss on the other side of the river.
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Kristen and Bailey were back to their gorgeous selves, and were startled to be told that their letters had been lost in the mail—the owls got lost, a first—and they were actually supposed to be students studying magic. They were given wands by Ollivander, and if it hadn’t been for their friend being lost in another world, they would have stayed and saved the lives of the other kids being threatened by some guy whose name no one seemed to be able to say. Needless to say, they had a tough decision, but fortunately for them, some boy named Parry Hotter showed up and told them he’d take care of it. Plus, Meagan was depending on them. Wands in hand, Kristen and Bailey apparated, never to be seen at Hogwarts again…that is until they decided to come back to finish their training, but that’s another story entirely…
K: After the mouse recovered from his eventful landing, he scurried off to recruit his other fellow mouse warriors. At this point, let it be known that mice warriors, when in a group, are the fiercest of all fearsome creatures and you do not want to cross them. Mr. Tumble knew this and, much to Meagan's surprise, he shape-shifted before her very eyes. No longer was Meagan looking at a mere faun who was a wonderful singer, she was gazing down into the eyes of the love of her life! Sure, for the time being, he was a little green and slimy, but everyone knows that if you kiss a toad, he'll turn into a prince. Or is that a frog? Well, either way, her amphibian was royalty in disguise and he was ready to fight for her honor against the feral mice! He croaked at her in a commanding manner that seemed to implore her to let him fight this war alone. Without her intimidating camo boots, Meagan was more than willing to let him do all the fighting, so she wandered along the river for a bit.
At that very moment, Kristen and Bailey, along with their newly acquired wands, were appearing from thin air into the middle of a field filled with mice in armor. "What in the devil is all this?" Bailey demanded. Much to their good fortune, Kristen had always had a knack for languages, and she realized that alvaston (the technical name for mice language) was not much different from Spanish. It was just spoken at a higher pitch. She began to converse with the frightened mice, but then all of the sudden, a large purple striped cat appeared and began to eat all of the mice, all the while smiling uncontrollably...
B: The purple cat polished of his feast of yummy mice, and disappeared after winking at the girls who had watched the whole mouse massacre with looks of utter shock on their faces. Kristen was quite distraught, given that she had understood the mice and their dying screams. Bailey wasn’t sure how to react. She hated mice, but also hated the color purple just as equally, so the whole situation was a stalemate for her…on the other side of the river, Meagan was trying to decide what to do with the toad/frog. She hadn’t noticed that her friends were across the river, and was surprised to hear familiar voices calling her name in the distance. She looked around and started screaming in excitement when she saw Kristen and Bailey standing and waving at her across the river. Actually, standing and waving was an understatement. Bailey was doing somersaults and break-dancing moves all the while singing a song about finding someone who had been lost, and Kristen was crumping and screaming out Meagan’s name. Frog-boy forgotten, Meagan ran to the river and swam across where she was caught up in joyous revelry. She was surprised again to discover that Bailey and Kristen had developed British accents, and used all sorts of British slang, like “Bloody hell” and “Bullocks”.
Back in Mobile, the flood waters had receded, and students were beginning to move back into their dorms…thankfully, the waters of Bailey and Kristen managed to wash away all the squirrels, so the students weren’t being mugged by the squirrel gangs anymore. The police were especially happy about that…
K: From the heart of the woods and into the clearing, wandered a very befuddled Sgt. Alexander. It seems that she had been put under the curse of the evil White Witch, but when she reported back to her evil master, the boy Parry Hotter apparated all of the sudden and turned the witch to a pile of ashes by pouring strawberry lemonade over her head. The spell was broken, and the Sgt. began trying to find her way home. This is how she came to stumble upon Bailey, Kristen, and Meagan at the river. At first, the three friends were very wary of the Sgt. because of her previous hostility, but they soon saw that she was genuinely her snarky and obnoxiously non-evil self. The four then began to jump excitedly around at their good fortune. They found the wardrobe and walked back into their boring normal world that some people call "earth." However, the four friends would never forget their otherworldly adventures and they lived happily ever after. Meagan finally acquiesced to come back to school at South where, when she wasn't spending her free time in the student center with her friends, she would take her Toady Prince for walks in the woods. Kristen got her degree in Nun Studies. Sgt. Alexander began giving private lessons in Callousness in order to generate extra cash flow. And Bailey decided to become a private detective (she had plenty of knowledge on the subject due to many hours of CSI watching) and track down the serial pooper that had been plaguing her parties.
EL FIN!!!!
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