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Claire and Gray - Purple



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Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:14 am
emmylove says...



Purple Heart


A chubby Mayor Thomas lied shirtless on a ducky-patterned towel while gargling some cheap beer; bare feet snuggling the warm sand, Claire drew a deep breath and decided to accept the unsettling display. He told Claire, back when they ran into each other at the grocery store, that the Summer Beach Festival was one of his few days off – and he seemed to be enjoying it.

Popuri dashed across the beach, pushing past Claire so hard that she almost dropped her flip flops. “Oh, Claire!” she shouted, exasperated. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

No, but you scared me half to death, Claire thought. She adjusted her denim shorts. “No, I’m fine.”

The pink-haired girl started stepping backwards towards the Seaside Beach Café. “I was on my way over to Kai’s place. You should come by, he cooks great food!”

Previous to Popuri’s mention of the word food, Claire hadn’t noticed how hungry she actually was; right then, she could hear and feel her stomach growl. She crossed her arm over her abdomen. It sounded more pathetic than Odie begging while she was making food in the kitchen.

“Maybe I’ll go right now,” Claire said, mostly to herself.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Popuri exclaimed. “We can go in together!” Before Claire could stop her, the bright-eyed girl grabbed her hand and pulled. “Come on, let’s go!”

The two started running across the beach, but it was too much for Claire. “Ack,” she mumbled, among other grumble-words, every time she felt her empty stomach flailing around inside of her mid-body. Popuri faded right, sprinting along the shore, and Claire had no choice but to follow. Cold water splashed their legs; wet sand flew every which way, sticking to bare skin.

By the time they got to the café, Claire had gritty sand splattered like paint all the way up and down her legs, from the spaces in between her toes to the hem of her tee-shirt. Once Popuri stopped running, the blonde tried to wipe the sand off her thighs, but her friend wouldn’t let her. Instead, Popuri led her into the building, as if Claire couldn’t get inside herself.

Popuri scanned the shack with such determination that Claire felt the urge to help, even though Claire had no idea what – or who – Popuri was looking for. Claire’s eyes glazed over the sunburned beach-goers until she noticed a vaguely familiar face; a vaguely familiar UMA hat; a vaguely familiar pair of work boots…

“KAI!!!” Popuri shrieked, standing on her tiptoes and waving hysterically. Kai was probably too busy basking in his own awesomeness to hear his “girlfriend” – not to mention the fact that the tiny shack was filled to capacity – so Popuri decided to go to him instead. The shrill cry derailed Claire’s train of thought; she recognized the hat and the boots from when the boy visited a few weeks before, and his name was on the tip of her tongue, but Popuri’s excited squeal must have scared his name out of Claire’s mouth – not to mention it must have given her permanent hearing damage.

Claire decided to try to find Kai instead, but by the time Popuri was on the other side of the room, Claire still hadn’t figured out where he was. Though his signature purple bandana, tanned skin and cocky attitude were hard to miss, the blonde was unwillingly using most of her brain power already, trying to remember what the delivery boy’s name was.

What was his name? The thought refused to go away, so Claire just gave up on locating Kai. She maneuvered her way past all the hungry people, over to the auburn-haired boy.

A warm hand wrapped around Claire’s forearm. “Hey!” a male voice shouted, but she couldn’t tell whose it was just from the sound of it. She looked up, surprised at who she saw.

“Hey, Kai!” Claire shouted back, unable to control her smile. She noticed Popuri lurking behind him, holding his other hand.

“How’s it going?” Kai responded. He glanced around the room with his dark brown eyes. “Hey, let’s go over here.” The tan boy led the two girls – one by the hand and the other by the wrist – a little ways across the floor, near where Claire’s slightly mysterious delivery boy was sitting.

The blue-eyed boy glanced up and acknowledged Kai with a nod.

Kai sat down in one of his wicker chairs. “Oh, Claire, have you met Gray?” he asked. “He’s a good pal of mine.”

GRAY! Claire suddenly recalled. GRAY WAS HIS NAME!

“Oh, yeah,” the blonde answered, relieved she wouldn’t be burdened with the awkward task of asking the boy’s name. “It was a while ago, though.” She smiled, as if remembering a joke from long ago. Catching Gray’s eye, Claire noticed him grinning as well.

“That’s awesome!” Kai said. “But Claire. Clairy Dear. Claire-Bear. What’s going on with you? We haven’t seen each other since-“

“Last night?” Claire interrupted, giggling.

Kai chuckled and nodded his head. “Yeah, last night. Hey, Gray, why weren’t you there? It was a crazy party, man!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it was crazy,” said Claire, recalling the events from the night before; mostly just a bunch of small talk around a bonfire. She turned away from Kai and Popuri’s confused looks to the auburn-haired boy. “You really didn’t miss much.”

Gray nodded with understanding. “I had to work last night,” he explained. “My grandfather got mad at me, so he made me stay late.”

“Why did he get mad at you?” Claire asked, furrowing her brow. Before he could answer, Kai butt in, a little off topic.

“Claire, did you know you have sand all over your legs?”

The blonde looked down. She had almost forgot about the gritty grossness covering her legs. Cocking her brow, Claire responded, “Yeah, I knew about the sand.”

Popuri stood up and offered to help, and before Claire could refuse, the sand on her legs was being brushed off by the pink-haired girl. Claire glanced around, knowing it was pointless to resist; she caught Gray’s eye again, shrugging. He was blushing.

“So, Gray, your gramps was giving you grief again?” Kai asked – Claire was surprised to find out that he was listening. “What did you do this time?”

The blacksmith’s grandson grinned vaguely, looking at the palms of his hands. “I dropped a tool he was working on. He didn’t tell me it was still hot.” Gray offered his hand to the other three, but Popuri didn’t look because she was still wiping sand off of Claire’s legs. The blonde heard Kai say something along the lines of “man, that’s rough,” then glanced over to see what they were talking about.

At the sight of Gray’s hand, Claire winced. His palm was brick red and peeling.

When Popuri’s brushes started to feel like slaps, Claire recoiled; she said, “Well, I should get going. It was nice talking to you, Kai.”

“Wait,” Popuri shouted, “you didn’t get any food!”

Before Claire could insist she was fine, Kai shouted, “Oh, I should probably get Gourmet out of the kitchen! He’s had enough fun for one day.” Kai stood up, kissed Popuri’s hand, and said, “I bid you all adieu.” The tan boy left; Popuri held her hand near her cheek, dazed.

“Gray, is your hand going to be okay?” Claire asked, resisting the urge to reach for it.

His blue eyes met hers, and she could tell he appreciated the concern. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Claire’s brow furrowed and she pursed her lips; she rubbed her legs where Popuri attacked them, and she said, “Are you sure?” Gray’s nod in response didn’t feel like enough, but she didn’t press on. “Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

Gray nodded again, and Claire made her way through the mob of people one last time. After digging her feet back into the sand, her stomach moaned like a lonely monster; it ached worse than stomach flu. The blonde dropped her flip flops on the ground and slid her feet into them. She walked home with gritty sand crunching between her feet and her flip flops with each step, wondering if she had enough food in the refrigerator for a whole meal.
Last edited by emmylove on Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 1:21 am
Sunshine says...



Hey again emmy! Glad to be the first one here. I'm gonna try something new here so stick with me! Comments in blue!

A chubby Mayor Thomas lied shirtless on a ducky-patterned towel while gargling some cheap beer;Great imagery! bare feet snuggling the warm sand, Claire drew a deep breath and decided to accept the unsettling display. He told Claire, back when they ran into each other at the grocery store, that the Summer Beach Festival was one of his few days off – and he seemed to be enjoying it.

Popuri dashed across the beach, pushing past Claire so hard that she almost dropped her flip flops. “Oh, Claire!” she shouted, exasperated. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

No, but you scared me half to death, Claire thought. She adjusted her denim shorts. “No, I’m fine.”

The pink-haired girl started stepping backwards towards the Seaside Beach Café. “I was on my way over to Kai’s place. You should come by, he cooks great food!”

Previous to Popuri’s mention of the word food, Claire hadn’t noticed how hungry she actually was; right then, she could hear and feel her stomach growl. She crossed her arm over her abdomen. It sounded more pathetic than Odie begging while she was making food in the kitchen. Hmm...this is twice you've mentioned 'Odie'. It might just be me and my cluelessness but can you explain who he is?

“Maybe I’ll go right now,” Claire said, mostly to herself.

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Popuri exclaimed. “We can go in together!” Before Claire could stop her, the bright-eyed girl grabbed her hand and pulled. “Come on, let’s go!”

The two started running across the beach, but it was too much for Claire. “Ack,” she mumbled, among other grumble-words, every time she felt her empty stomach flailing around inside of her mid-body. Popuri faded right, sprinting along the shore, and Claire had no choice but to follow. Cold water splashed their legs; wet sand flew every which way, sticking to bare skin.

By the time they got to the café, Claire had gritty sand splattered like paint all the way up and down her legs, from the spaces in between her toes to the hem of her tee-shirt. Once Popuri stopped running, the blonde tried to wipe the sand off her thighs, but her friend wouldn’t let her. Instead, Popuri led her into the building, as if Claire couldn’t get inside herself.

Popuri scanned the shack with such determination that Claire felt the urge to help, even though Claire had no idea what – or who – Popuri was looking for. Claire’s eyes glazed over the sunburned beach-goers until she noticed a vaguely familiar face; a vaguely familiar UMA hat; Shouldn't this be a comma? a vaguely familiar pair of work boots…

“KAI!!!” Popuri shrieked, standing on her tiptoes and waving hysterically. Kai was probably too busy basking in his own awesomeness to hear his “girlfriend” – not to mention the fact that the tiny shack was filled to capacity – so Popuri decided to go to him instead. The shrill cry derailed Claire’s train of thought; she recognized the hat and the boots from when the boy visited a few weeks before, and his name was on the tip of her tongue, but Popuri’s excited squeal must have scared his name out of Claire’s mouth – not to mention it must have given her permanent hearing damage.

Claire decided to try to find Kai instead, but by the time Popuri was on the other side of the room, Claire still hadn’t figured out where he was. Though his signature purple bandana, tanned skin and cocky attitude were hard to miss, the blonde was unwillingly using most of her brain power already, trying to remember what the delivery boy’s name was. Second time you've referred to claire as 'the blond'. When i was reading the piece it took me a bit to get it. I think referring to her as the blond is ok once or twice but get's a little tedious after a bit.

What was his name? The thought refused to go away, so Claire just gave up on locating Kai. She maneuvered her way past all the hungry people, over to the auburn-haired boy.

A warm hand wrapped around Claire’s forearm. “Hey!” a male voice shouted, but she couldn’t tell whose it was just from the sound of it. She looked up, surprised at who she saw.

“Hey, Kai!” Claire shouted back, unable to control her smile. She noticed Popuri lurking behind him, holding his other hand.

“How’s it going?” Kai responded. He glanced around the room with his dark brown eyes. “Hey, let’s go over here.” The tan boy led the two girls – one by the hand and the other by the wrist – a little ways across the floor, near where Claire’s slightly mysterious delivery boy was sitting.

The blue-eyed boy glanced up and acknowledged Kai with a nod.

Kai sat down in one of his wicker chairs. “Oh, Claire, have you met Gray?” he asked. “He’s a good pal of mine.”

GRAY! Claire suddenly recalled. GRAY WAS HIS NAME!Ooh caps. Haha.

“Oh, yeah,” the blonde answered, relieved she wouldn’t be burdened with the awkward task of asking the boy’s name. “It was a while ago, though.” She smiled, as if remembering a joke from long ago. Catching Gray’s eye, Claire noticed him grinning as well.

“That’s awesome!” Kai said. “But Claire. Clairy Dear. Claire-Bear. What’s going on with you? We haven’t seen each other since-“

“Last night?” Claire interrupted, giggling.

Kai chuckled and nodded his head. “Yeah, last night. Hey, Gray, why weren’t you there? It was a crazy party, man!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it was crazy,” said Claire, recalling the events from the night before; mostly just a bunch of small talk around a bonfire. She turned away from Kai and Popuri’s confused looks to the auburn-haired boy. “You really didn’t miss much.”

Gray nodded with understanding. “I had to work last night,” he explained. “My grandfather got mad at me, so he made me stay late.”

“Why did he get mad at you?” Claire asked, furrowing her brow. Before he could answer, Kai butt in, a little off topic.

“Claire, did you know you have sand all over your legs?”

The blonde looked down. She had almost forgot about the gritty grossness covering her legs. Cocking her brow, Claire responded, “Yeah, I knew about the sand.”

Popuri stood up and offered to help, and before Claire could refuse, the sand on her legs was being brushed off by the pink-haired girl. Claire glanced around, knowing it was pointless to resist; she caught Gray’s eye again, shrugging. He was blushing.

“So, Gray, your gramps was giving you grief again?” Kai asked – Claire was surprised to find out that he was listening. “What did you do this time?”

The blacksmith’s grandson grinned vaguely, looking at the palms of his hands. “I dropped a tool he was working on. He didn’t tell me it was still hot.” Gray offered his hand to the other three, but Popuri didn’t look because she was still wiping sand off of Claire’s legs. The blonde heard Kai say something along the lines of “man, that’s rough,” then glanced over to see what they were talking about.

At the sight of Gray’s hand, Claire winced. His palm was brick red and peeling.

When Popuri’s brushes started to feel like slaps, Claire recoiled; she said, “Well, I should get going. It was nice talking to you, Kai.” What about Gray?

“Wait,” Popuri shouted, “you didn’t get any food!”

Before Claire could insist she was fine, Kai shouted, “Oh, I should probably get Gourmet out of the kitchen! He’s had enough fun for one day.” Kai stood up, kissed Popuri’s hand, and said, “I bid you all adieu.” The tan boy left; Popuri held her hand near her cheek, dazed.

“Gray, is your hand going to be okay?” Claire asked, resisting the urge to reach for it.

His blue eyes met hers, and she could tell he appreciated the concern. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Claire’s brow furrowed and she pursed her lips; she rubbed her legs where Popuri attacked them, and she said, “Are you sure?” Gray’s nod in response didn’t feel like enough, but she didn’t press on. “Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

Gray nodded again, and Claire made her way through the mob of people one last time. After digging her feet back into the sand, her stomach moaned like a lonely monster; it ached worse than stomach flu. The blonde dropped her flip flops on the ground and slid her feet into them. She walked home with gritty sand crunching between her feet and her flip flops with each step, wondering if she had enough food in the refrigerator for a whole meal.


Besides calling people buy their hair colors one time to many, I liked it a lot and hope you contintue your heart saga! Thans for sticking through with me, glad to be of service.
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 2:48 am
purplepen says...



I'm back! Darn...I see I'm not the first reviewer. Oh well...Anyway, on to the review!

A chubby Mayor Thomas lied shirtless on a ducky-patterned towel while gargling some cheap beer

I found this very hilarious.

Claire’s eyes glazed over the sunburned beach-goers until she noticed a vaguely familiar face; a vaguely familiar UMA hat; a vaguely familiar pair of work boots…

I think this would be better written as Claire's eyes glazed over the sunburned beach-goers until she noticed a vaguely familiar face, a vaguely familiar UMA hat, and a vaguely familiar pair of work boots...though it's just a suggestion.

“That’s awesome!” Kai said. “But Claire. Clairy Dear. Claire-Bear. What’s going on with you? We haven’t seen each other since-“ These quotations are facing the wrong way. It's no big deal but...
“Last night?” Claire interrupted, giggling.

I really liked this part. It was very...Kai-ish dialogue.

At the sight of Gray’s hand, Claire winced. His palm was brick red and peeling.

Poor Gray! :(

Over all, this was very good! I have to say I like this one better than the last one. Great job on this! Keep it up! I can’t wait for the next one! (By the way, just in case you didn't know, the word 'UMA' means horse in Japanese. Maybe you could use that in one of your stories.)
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:26 pm
Stori says...



Hey, Emmy. Just out of curiosity, have you played the original "Back to Nature"?

In the first sentence, "lied" ought to be "lay." If the mayor had said something untruthful, then you'd say he lied. Also, I don't know if Mayor Thomas drinks; that was most likely you taking creative license.
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