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Exit Path (Game Fan-Fiction)



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Reviews: 13
Sun Jan 23, 2011 2:52 pm
Thalizar says...



For those who haven't played "Exit Path" it's a remarkable game. It has a storyline, of course, but contains essences of deeper meanings. You can play it here: http://armorgames.com/play/5917/exit-path

Anyway, after playing it for a few hours I stumbled upon a post on the armorgames forums (Don't ask how). Anyway, a member on there called MoonFairy had the original idea for such a story but from what I had seen, she hadn't developed it much so I took it upon myself.

Also it may not seem to be like the other short stories on the site but it's a whole story in 3068 words (Not including the title) so what can you expect?

Anyway, here it is:

Exit Path

The lights flickered down the hallway, I looked around my room, a bed and a table with a light on it were all that had kept me sane. I hadn’t always known the room, but I couldn’t remember not knowing it. All I knew was that today was the day.

The door shot up. A man stood there; I knew him.
“Hello, you know what happens today don’t you? Today you get your freedom.”
I nodded, I had always thought of freedom. What was outside the small room I knew?
“Here I want you to have this” John said, handing me a small black box; he continued, “It’s a map – it will show you your freedom. Now get out of here and to the city!” I nodded again and looked down at the box. It was small enough to fit in my palm but for some reason I had a feeling of absence. I felt like I didn’t need the box to escape, but I held onto to it desperately. John turned to leave; back down the hallway from where he had arrived, but before he did, he whispered something in my ear. Something I knew would keep me going.

The hallways were long and bleak. The blindingly white room I had left was in deep contrast to the darkness of the corridors. Lights flickered, but it wasn’t enough for me to see my path. It didn’t matter though; the passages were long and straight, nothing leading off them. There was only one way.

I was running, so fast I didn’t realise the wall in front of me. Until I hit it. Lights all around me suddenly came on and I could see everything in my way. The wall I had hit was only 3 feet tall so I easily climbed over it, but when I had another one confronted me, this one slightly taller. I clambered over the top and landed on the other side. I felt as if they were testing me. Another small jog and I arrived at a revolving door. I walked through it carefully and as I did a large sign above me lit up. It was black with white writing on it; it had the words “Welcome Runner, Your Runner ID is RH69VPRX. Your completion of this series of obstacles will result in your release…” written boldly over. The words continued in smaller print, but I couldn’t read them.

I continued onwards, through low lit corridors and alleyways. I looked ahead and saw light, Freedom. I ran ahead. I knew, finally, my escape had come. John was right! I would soon be in the city!

The light grew larger, the exit was growing.

I sprinted through the door and arrived at my “freedom”. It was not as I had expected. The lights from the city were far from sight, instead of a beautiful city of hope I saw my own peril. As if something from a nightmare I was threatened by deadly saws that spun below me. A large sign above me, a lot like the former hung from walls. It called out to welcome me. Spotlights all around shone at me and the cold ground I stood on seemed to be familiar of that which the walls were made of in my cell. I was confused, but as I took a step forward, cheering and shouting was all to be heard. I could not see those hollering but they gave me a sense of invigoration. I knew the city was further on. I had to get there, for John, for myself.

I took my leap of faith over the saw below me, I looked down for a second and it felt as if time itself had slowed. The blade spun forcefully and I could see how close I was to it.

I looked up again to see my direction as I landed on the floor after the saw. I hadn’t noticed before but I seemed to be outside. I couldn’t remember ever being outside before. The air tasted so good. I stood there on the cold ground. I realised I seemed to be suspended in the air and as I walked a few meters further forward I saw the edge of the platform I was standing on. Reinforced by bars that attached themselves to the building I had escaped from they seemed so high above the ground below me.

After taking in what was around me, I looked ahead, a new obstacle stood in my way. An axe swinging from a ledge tried to block my path. It was succeeding. The cheering pressured me into continuing the route and I took a few uneasy steps forward. There was a clear rhythm to the axe’s swinging and I knew I had to make my steps count. If I didn’t, they would be my last.

The swinging continued and I prepared myself to run. The axe swung; close to me, and then further away, close, far, close, far, close, far, close. I ran. I didn’t think twice about it, I didn’t know why I had chosen that specific time either, but I knew I had to go. As I ran past it I could feel it near me, but I had to keep going.

I had made it past the obstacle but as soon as I had another stood in my way. Saws above me and spikes below, there had to be some way past the treacherous path. I stood at the lip of the ledge and thought my plan through. It didn’t seem likely I would survive, nor that I would even get past the saws circling above my head. I looked out. Further than the spikes was a small device. It seemed springy, like a trampoline. I knew what I had to do.

I took a few steps back, making sure I didn’t carelessly walk into the axe I had just dodged, prepared myself and sprinted of the edge of the ridge aiming for the mechanism. Once again time slowed. My hair was so close to the saws it felt as if it was being hacked off. I ignored the sensation. My feet were tingling; a voice inside me was screaming and shouting. It was loud and deterring and threw a sense of absolute fear upon me. The voice continued to screech until I hit the spring. It was instantly replaced with a soft, soothing voice. It reassured me. It made me feel safe. It made me feel like everything was going to be alright. I sat myself down on the trampoline I had landed on. A tear dripped from my eye; a drop of sadness and relief simultaneously. It was a strange feeling.

I jumped from the trampoline and walked towards the end of the course. I had walked nothing but a few yards and another sign lit up above me. Like the other’s before it had plain white writing on a pitch black board. It reminded me of the city; a small essence of light in a bleak world. The sign mentioned me again. It read, “Everyone please congratulate RH69VPRX…” the words continued in slightly smaller text, “…on successfully completing the course set upon by the officiants of such courses, in doing so freeing this individual’s mortal life”. Once again there was smaller text I couldn’t read.

Another building stood tall and dominating in front of me. A small door enticed me in. I staggered towards it, tired from my recent trials. I twisted the handle and stepped into the doorway.

I closed the door behind me. I felt as if I had been in one large circle. I found myself in more austere and dismal corridors. The lighting was dim, as it was in the other building. I felt sad. The city seemed so far away. I slumped down against a wall and as I did something slipped out of my palm; the map. I couldn’t see it let alone read it so I crammed it into my pocket. I didn’t want to lose it. It did seem to however to give me a sense of aspiration. I felt as if I could do this.

In the darkness it was hard to tell how long one had walked. I felt so tired. I tripped suddenly and realised there was a staircase. I climbed them and found myself in front of a turnstile. I walked through it. Piercing sirens flashing lights bounced off the walls around me. A pulse of panic flowed through me; my eyes darted around the room, looking for what I had done or what was going to happen. As the sirens continued another sign above me lit up. Slowly 5 letters flickered on, one after the next. A. U. D. I. T. I looked ahead, doors automatically shut at a tremendous speed, and my freedom suddenly seemed so far away.

I sat at the turnstile. I couldn’t go on. There was another path to the test rooms, but after dealing with what I had just left I couldn’t go on to do more. The sirens were giving up too; their wails quieter than when they first went off and the lights, still flashing but not with such a rush. As I sat there I wondered what would have happened if John hadn’t let me from my chamber. Would I have been happier? I couldn’t say. I stood up again, thinking through my options. Stay here, alone with the sirens and the lights, head back to my cell or continue into the unknown.

I thought my options through carefully for what seemed hours. The sirens had turned off now and only the lights gave off a pleasant red light. Without the wails it seemed nicer; a calming, warm radiance to the sorrowful room. I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the paper in there. I looked at the map John had given me. It was quickly sketched, as if he was in a rush when he did it, as if he was hiding when it was done. I didn’t explain a lot of the structure of the buildings or the way I should attempt to go, it did however say how far I would be from the city at certain points. It also explained the dilemma of the dangers I had and will face .I decided to continue. I walked down a staircase, away from the lights and the silent sirens and treaded towards the audit.

The light was blinding, I couldn’t see for a while. When my eyes did adjust to the room, I found myself in a room that contrasted the one before. The walls were a blinding white, as were the lights and the floor. Even the sign I stood next to that read, “Test A. 1 of 4” was a light grey text on a dazzling white board. The irony of the room stood clear. Even though it looked and acted as a test chamber, the purity of the colours extremely differed to the objects in the room. Saws, axes and spikes were plastered around causing a true test of my skill.

I found myself dodging obstacles at an alarming rate. I didn’t know what was coming next, nor did I know that I was doing it. All I knew was that I could die. Saws spun vigorously, their blades cleaned and ready to shred. Axes swung in beat with one another as if reciting some demonic routine. Spikes stood tall on the ground and hanging from the ceilings, this was an existent nightmare.

After clearing one room I found myself in another, then another and then another, each room more deadly than the former. My body and mind were being tested to such limits I felt as if I couldn’t control myself. It was a unfamiliar feeling.

Finally I had reached the end of the fourth room. The audit was behind me. I walked through another exit to another corridor once again pitch black apart from the sign hanging above me. I was confused why so many signs were used. I assumed it was because no one would come to greet me. To be honest I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to greet me. This sign read, “Thank you for your participation”. I continued to read the sign, “Your arrival at this point confirms your skill in the stadium challenge you have been issued…” my eyes lit up as I maintained reading, “…Continue to the next room to proceed to the exit path.” I was free. One more room and I was free. I picked up my pace and sprinted through the door ahead of me.

I ran and ran, looking for the light. I slowed at another sign, this one a lot smaller than the others. All it told me was my direction and all it read was one word, “freedom”. I took a few steps forward feeling apprehensive. Each step I took made me feel closer to freedom, closer to the city. My body tingled with happiness and I felt good.

I continued to walk to my freedom. I stepped slowly. Without warning lights flickered on. I tripped due to shock and my foot slipped off a ledge. Below me were saws; hundreds of them, all taking me to my “freedom”. I struggle for breath as I pulled myself back up. A larger sign was lit up now covered in blood. I couldn’t read the original writing. All that I could see was the crimson blood that said “There is no freedom!” followed by an arrow that pointed up a staircase I hadn’t noticed in the darkness. I felt distraught. There is no freedom? John had lied? I denied the thought and shook it out of my head. I clambered up the staircase and into another passageway.

As I arrived in this new room, a long, dismal space that made me feel small. A large glass window that spanned the length of the room replaced a wall. I looked through it and saw a horrid sight; thousands of corpses being pushed down a conveyor belt. These people were obviously those who had not survived the gauntlet I had triumphed over. I took a few seconds to pray for them. On my right was a single sign that carried an arrow that pointed back to the route I had come from. Three words were written on it, “To Runner Extermination”. A sudden sense of realisation poured through me. This wasn’t a test it was a slaughter house. People weren’t meant to make it to the city.

I stood there for a while, contemplating but soon knew I had to keep going. I had survived and I wasn’t going to let John down. I ignored the picture of horror beside me and continued onwards. More rooms with the same unspeakable design and picture followed the first. I kept my eyes away from the bodies next to me. I couldn’t accept how many there were.

A final door stood in front of me. A strange image of a man running through a door hung above it. I walked through it, not sure of what would happen. I did so and no alarms went off nor did any lights. I was free.

I stepped outside to my freedom. It was night time. I began my walk towards the city. I had walked for what seemed a few miles when I found myself below an immense sign. Red lights flashed above it and sirens hollered around. It easily attracted my attention and I read it, “CITY LIMITS AHEAD”. I smiled; it was a smile of hope. I continued to read, “Protection mechanisms ahead, turn back for risk immediate death.” My smile faded; all of a sudden the city seemed so far away once again.

I continued to walk past the sign and soon found myself below another one. This one read “400 feet away from city limits”. It then continued in smaller text that I couldn’t read. A wave of mixed emotions flowed through me. I felt so excited; I was nearly at the city, but at the same time, so afraid.

I could see the city far away. It was the horizon. Its length grew to the extent of my vision; its lights, glowing beacons of aspiration. It was my goal and it was my ambition. I continued onwards. I soon reached another sign that read, “300 feet away from city limits”. I thought it were strange how these signs told me every hundred feet that I was closer. I continued onwards, until another sign came upon me and then another, each time counting down the distance.

After a short while I found myself under a sign of great majesty. It was bold and strong and it read, “The City”. It then continued to tell passer-by’s the population count and the elevation of the city. I gave off a smile of joy and ran to it.

I ran and ran and ran until suddenly I ground myself to a halt. In front of me was a barrier. Saws spun at such a rate it seemed impossible to pass, axes swung at such random times it was hopeless to know when to move. I was at the city limits, so close, yet so far away.

I stood there, shocked at what was ahead of me. I didn’t know what to do, I looked around for something or someone to help me and as I did, I felt something in my pocket. Something I had forgotten about; the map. I pulled it out of my pocket and studied it carefully. Sadly there was nothing, still the saws spun and the axes swung before me. It was make or break. Live or die.

I ran.

The wind rushed past me, flowing through my hair. My blood pulsed around my body, pushing itself to my skin. The saws revolved around and around, the axes swung at speeds unbearable. I ran and ran. They were so close to me. So close.

I skidded to a halt. I had survived. The saws continued their circle and the axes still swung, but they weren’t a threat anymore. I was at the city. I stood there looking at what I had triumphed over and a thought rushed through my head.

“Man is free the moment he wishes to be.”
Last edited by Thalizar on Sat Apr 23, 2011 7:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Man is free the moment he wishes to be" - Voltaire
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:36 pm
JabberHut says...



Hello! I played a few rounds of that game before I realized I should be reviewing this. xD Right now, I'm at the white walls part. It's sadly addicting. Anyway!

Considering the game is mainly an obstacle course, I thought you did pretty well! There were some grammar/spelling errors (i.e. past tense for "to light" is "lit") which disrupted the flow a few times, so it wouldn't hurt to check those.

I don't really have much to add except that I felt the story was lacking until at least halfway through. And even then, you could have answered questions that the game didn't. Why are they there in the first place? What are the captors hiding? Why do the prisoners and MC think the City is a safe haven? They must've heard rumors or something. "The skies are made of diamonds" kind of thing. *too much Doctor Who* Answering some of those questions would develop your plot even further, give the story more substance. Right now, it plays just like a video game. Exactly like a video game. xD Which I won't complain too much about; I love video games! But there is plenty more you could do with this.

That aside, your style was fantastic! It was fast-paced through those obstacles, and the characters thoughts were appropriate to his situation. He questioned John's help, wondered if he'd live to see the City, and he also got tired. (Thank you for making him tired. xD)

If you need a grammar check from me, just send me a PM about it. I'd be happy to come back and do so. Otherwise, my main concern is what your story is lacking. You can add plenty more to this. Just use your imagination!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.
  








“I'd much rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.”
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