Young Writers Society

That's just wonderful, Ghoststep thought. I may be quiet, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk...

He placed one paw in front of the others, sights set on Tin's tail.

He crouched down, slowly wriggling his haunches to pounce. Just as he leaped into the air, Tin whipped around and hissed, clawing his muzzle.

"Think you can try that on me? You may be swift and silent, Ghoststep, but ears as big as mine can easily detect your silly games."

He shook his head to clear it. "Your claws are sharp, too! I may have just won my first scar." When she laughed, he crouched, ready to spring.

"Oh please, Ghoststep! Like you could win a fight with me." Smallbreeze reared and swiped at him, catching his ear with her claws as she did. "That's your second scar, young warrior. Is that enough?"

He flopped on the ground, legs akimbo. "I suppose."

She laughed in that odd way of hers. For a moment they just looked at each other.

"I should go visit Tallfern. He always feels left out of things like this- injury, you know."

Smallbreeze turned and padded across the clearing, smiling to herself as she did so. There was something about Ghoststep that made her stomach twist. She entered the Medicine Cat den and quickly took some marigold in her mouth before calling over to Tallfern. He bounded across the clearing after her and they all met up with Ghoststep, who was licking his wounds.

Hmm, it's really great, it introduces and explains both characters in a very short time. Kudos on that.
However, it feels like an excerpt from something else, as though you're missing the beginning and end.
Wait, what forum am I in? *checks* Ah! Fanfiction! That explains things, but you still need some more explanation.
I may not be the only one to not understand this, so you should definitely make it longer and include what book/movie/series/movie you're making this fanfiction about.
Jenth

Hey! Glad to see a little Warrior Fanfic around here again! I think I'm going to try and break this up from beggining to end to make this easier for us both.


Preamble: Here's the thing. You didn't have one. Although your story is titled "Joint effort" you don't go on to explain. You told us the author's names but that's it. Author notes are very handy for reader's, especially in fanfiction pieces. In the author's note you could've told us that this is Warriors. Super fans like me or plain old regular fans can easily detect that it is, but begginers or people who have never heard of it before can't tell. Telling them helps people who have never heard of Warriors determine if there review would actually help anything. If I were you I'd give the story a name that indicates what sort of Fanfic it is and put the joint effort part in the Author's note to bring in the right sort of reviewer's.


Beggining:

That's just wonderful, Ghoststep thought. I may be quiet, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk...

He placed one paw in front of the others, sights set on Tin's tail.

Notice how the first sentance doesn't seem to go with the second? In the first, you make it sound like there's an awkward silence or the two charecters are on a quiet hunt. In the second, you push those ideas out the window. I would kind of like a clearance up. Clear things up. You need to protray the exact idea, so not to confuse readers. Also, I notice how at first you call the cat "Tin",which obviously not a Warrior name, before you switch over to calling her Smallbreeze. Is "Tin" like a pet name? This is also confusing. Could you explain it better? Other than that, you have a really good feeling for Warriors! I feel like you really know what your talking about!

Middle: I don't believe you really have one. This story feels like a beggining of something bigger, you introduce the main charecters well, but that's all it feel's like. A beggining. Leading into something. Also, you called this story a "Joint effort." Most joint effort stories are much longer, whilst this one kinda leaves a great middle floating in the water. Please continue it! You have great charecters and good skill on this front, but it feels cut off! Please continue it. It's a tradegy when stories don't reach there full potenial.

End: Ok, this is pretty much an extension of the above. The ending fells like there should be more words after it, more explanation on Tallfern. More explanation on Ghoststep and Smallbreeze's relantionship. Again, great story but way to short!

Overall: Love the name of Ghoststep, but please try and go back and make it longer! Your good grammar wise! Thanks for writing!