Young Writers Society

Hopefully I can keep this going and update it semi-frequently. Let me know what you think, each and every one of you influences how I write with your comments!



Within the depths of the pinnacle of the world, the great Glass Pyramid, the three most powerful individuals on Earth sat upon their thrones of gold and jewels, contemplating life and the meaning of existence.

“For crying out loud Max, can‘t you order a pizza right?” Kat, the Empress of the World, said to her younger brother.

“Dude, it’s not my fault that my freekin’ Belgian love slave doesn’t speak English very good.” King Max shot back from across the vaguely triangular table.

Dono, filling the last side of the table, laughed softly at the two siblings as they squabbled. “Well,” he said after a moment. He reached across the table and scooped a slice of cheese and broccoli pizza into his hand.

Empress Kat and King Max stared at him for a few seconds. He looked back and said nothing. He blinked and took a big bite of pizza.

“Well what?” Max said impatiently.

“Well. You said something about your Belgian Love Slave not speaking English good. You should have said she didn’t speak English well.”

“Now wait a minute; you said ’well,’ like you were going to say more…you kind of drifted off and acted like you were going to say more.” Empress Kat tossed her hair and put on a look that said argue with me and I’ll toss you to the ninjas.

“No way; I was sure to end my thought right there and make my tone of voice sound VERY condescending and superior,” Dono said, shooting a look right back at her. I OWN those ninjas. You can’t make them do shit.

“You most certainly did not--”

“No, he’s right! He was totally condescending me AND he made me feel like a dumbass!” King Max cut his sister off. He looked at them both with his own unique expression. I may be a dumbshit, but there’s no one sexier, so HA.

“See? Told you.” Dono took another bite of pizza, making a little face at the odd combination of flavors.

XD

I'm loving those ninjas... That was like, the funniest part of the whole story.

It's like, everyone had their own thoughts about the ninjas and you got introduced to their thoughts in such an interesting way (and ordering) that it was just funny!

Anyway, cheese and broccoli isn't too bad, as long as you have some sausage too...

Wow. I didn't see a humorous story coming.






Good stuff.

I love it! Is this just random or is it some sort of silly intro into the haloween one?

This is the modified introduction to the King Max story, which will then lead into the Halloween one.

This is just turning into some sort of epic! Awesome! I haven't looked at the king max story in a long time... but it's a great one. I love these stories! We can write them forever mwahaha... or not

*laughs*

This was definately amusing, Dono. I liked it, although I have to admit that I could have done without the Belgian love slave. That's just my personal preferences though.

I love how "contemplating life and the meaning of existance" really means "discussing the art of ordering pizzas" and the thought conversations between the three rock my socks.

My only other comment is that the first line... doesn't really make sense. How can you be in the depths of the pinacle of something? It's like saying you're at the bottom of the top.

Dono, I love you. platonically.

Now. Ninjas. I'll let it pass, this time

and.. I like the first line. it made me laugh.

and the "well" thing.. that was beautiful. more helpful next time, mkay?

When I first read this, I grinned and laughed out loud. It wss very amusing and unique. Unlike anything I've read in a while.

This is my favorite scene:

Dono, filling the last side of the table, laughed softly at the two siblings as they squabbled. “Well,” he said after a moment. He reached across the table and scooped a slice of cheese and broccoli pizza into his hand.

Empress Kat and King Max stared at him for a few seconds. He looked back and said nothing. He blinked and took a big bite of pizza.

“Well what?” Max said impatiently.

“Well. You said something about your Belgian Love Slave not speaking English good. You should have said she didn’t speak English well.”

Good job!

Ha ha, much awesomeness, Dono.

I loved the whole "there's no one sexier thing." And the ninjas. And the fact that the YWS now features a story with Empress Kat, King Max, and you. Coooolness.

Empress Kat narrowed her eyebrows and crinkled her nose. Her lips turned down in a frown and her cheeks puffed out a little, as a toddler’s does when they don’t get their way. Max slid his hand along the arm of his throne and pressed on a jewel, which depressed with a soft click. His throne immediately slid a few feet backward, sliding along hidden railings in the seemingly random designs of the floor. Kat rounded on him, blood rushing to her face and flushing her cheeks crimson.

“She’s gonna blow!” Max said in mock terror, a semi-nervous grin on his face. Dono merely smirked and leaned forward slightly. Go ahead; I dare you.

With a cry of outrage, Kat threw herself over the table and engulfed Dono. Pulling the Empress of the World into a tight bear hug, Dono rolled off his throne and the two tumbled to the floor. King Max let out a laugh that would make most people (girls OR guys) faint in ecstasy. When he laughed his chin length, golden blond hair tumbled about his face, sending sparkling patterns of light across the room.

“I’m gonna kill you! You can’t disagree with the Empress!” Kat’s threats were idle, however, as she couldn’t get the leverage to land a punch as long as Dono’s arms were wrapped around her.

“Love you too Empress,” Dono said to her as he ducked past her snapping teeth to plant a kiss on her cheek. Immediately the all-powerful Empress of the World slumped in defeat, a small smile on her face. Dono let her go and looked to Max for help getting the Empress off of him. A little help here?

“You’re on your own, champ. With my luck she’ll wake up and break my face for touching her.” Max stood up and walked toward the staircase leading to his room. “Catch you later, I have a concert to get ready for.”

Still trapped beneath Empress Kat’s now dozing form, Dono said, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that! Who’s playing again?”

King Max stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face Dono. “I am, dude. Do you know any other bands that are good enough to play in Kat’s Concert Hall?”

Dono tugged one of his hands out from under Kat and scratched his chin. “Good point,” he said. “We’ll see you there, I guess.” Max laughed again and made his way up the stairs, shaking his head.

“Kat?” Dono prodded the Empress with his finger, hoping to wake her up. She mumbled in her sleep and smiled again, then wrapped her arms around him and held him fast.

Dono groaned and went limp, giving up and getting the Empress off of him until she was good and ready.

“Women,” he said to the cheese and broccoli pizza, which taunted him with it’s steamy freedom.

Haha, lol. This is ofcourse, quite good. I must be missing something with the king Max thing...Im not in with it, on that particular facet, but I still enjoyed this. The first part was better in my opinion, the ninja's rock!

ONe thing seemed weird:

With a cry of outrage, Kat threw herself over the table and engulfed Dono

It may just be me, being weird and all, but this gave me the impression that she actually ate Dono...you...or whatever. So yeah.

“She’s gonna blow!”

I think you could have thought of something more creative... well I just don't like it because it takes me along this thought process:
blow ---> bloated ---> big
damn it, I don't wanna be big. Ok, I'm just weird.
Hmmm... maybe "Here she goes again." because that's the attitude people always seem to take when I start throwin stuff. or pretend I'm gonna throw stuff.
But you're the artist.
Never stop writing! my ninjas will beat your soul to a bloody pulp... if souls have blood... maybe they'll just shuck it.

For the sake of rationality and simplicity my critique for this story shall be summed into a single, seven letter word..

Almighty!

Hhahahahhahahahhaahhhahaha!

*inhales*

...and again

hahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha!

Are you gonna include any part that I "wrote" ... I'm not a writer... feel free to say no. I can be a muse or something that sounds cooler than muse...