Young Writers Society

The purple tongue releases poisonous seeds
Sown into the minds of fatuous myrmidons
Gullible like the slaughtered animals on their plates.
The flibbertigibbet – pink lips – handles their fates.

Blackened lungs, blackened disease cells,
Iota to the growing seeds,
Choking the sympathetic, blinding them from the light;
Dolor in their hearts as they fight.

White teeth nonplus the eager eyes,
The smile - bonhomie – attracts them greatly.
White teeth nonplus the eager eyes,
The smile – abraded like an antiquity,
Eroded like my heart abed.

Oh! Golden revelation approached as paroxysm
And the seed – now a fruit – hath been destroyed.
The acidic toxin poured out. Abhorrent.
The purple tongue doth repent.
The purple tongue doth repent.

Hi Mikko!

Wow, seems like someone gave you a thesaurus and you learned every single world. XD Beautiful. Hmm... This is one deep poem you've got here. I'm not sure if I understood the meaning like you wanted to show it. But you managed to make it flow with great separation and perfect stanzas. Great, great job!

Love ya!

~Solly<3

Wow! I loved your word use! You obviously have quite the vocabulary! You are a very talented writer. Even though I am not the best reviewer on Young Writers Society, I can clearly tell that I wouldn't want to change a thing! (Except maybe the word flibbertigibbet... I have a bad experience with that word. T_T) Keep writing Mikko! I can't wait to see more poetry from you!

Very well done! I loved your use of vocabulary and your wording. Some people may not catch the meaning, but your vocabulary reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's. I remember reading his works in elementary school with a dictionary at my side and having to check it every few words.
But by no means should you change the wording! It fits very well and the poem flows nicely. I love your style and am quite looking forward to seeing more of your work.

Well done!
-Greena

Mikko.

Sup, girl. I'm gonna probably keep this pretty short. But I felt I just had to comment on one of your works seeing as you've been belting out quite a few. Or so what it seems like to me. xD

I guess the main thing I wanted to comment on was your thick vocabulary. Now, when writing anything it's always nice to include a few colorful words to dress up the patter of things. It's also attractive looking when you can spot a writer's wide vocabulary. But you also don't want to suffocate and drown your writing in it either. And I feel that's what you may have done here.

The thing is, while I was reading this, the largest thing that continuously clouded my attention was how I was non-stop having to choke back this strenuous vocabulary. I was hardly getting much feel for the picture you were striving to paint. Too many bold lines can make a masterpiece look dull. Because after so much of it, the etirety of the masterpiece loses it's depth. It may also tend to come off as being too flashy, or trying a little too hard.

My advice, don't pack in any piece to the brim like this. Soon it's all the reader is seeing from start to finish. It's exhausting to read. And 9 times out of 10, you won't entirely grasp all the work has to offer. I had trouble reading between the lines despite it being abstract. Smooth this out a bit. Take back some of those big words, Mikko darling. ;]

Hope this helps.

-Smylin'