Young Writers Society

this Beautiful Baby
that everyone knows,
because he giggles and smiles
where ever he goes.

this Beautiful Baby
that no body sees,
the Diagnosis was made
before he turned three

this Beautiful Baby
so loved and adored,
his body is Dying
before he turned four

this Beautiful Baby
so special inside
twleve Hospital visits
before he turned five

this Beautiful Baby
that every one knows
because he giggles and smiles
where ever he goes

Hey there.

First of all: I'd like to point out that you should really use punctuation and capitalize your beginnings of your sentences. It just makes it look nicer.

Second of all: I really do like this poem. It's sad and this is a real event? I really am sorry about that. But it is nicely put together, and I like how you rhymed it. It doesn't seem forced at all. Very good poem.

Best of luck!

Lindsay

My poetry tends to have capitolizations in odd places. I don't really know why, I guess its just the style i like the most.

Sometimes I use punctuation, other times I don't. Depends on my mood i guess. Haha, and yes it is a real thing. This is my baby cousin in the poem. Believe it or not in this picture he is 9.
Thats me with him

PLEASE REVIEW! i know this is kinda bump. but this poem is very close to my heart. i like harsh criticism that is contstructive so please don't be afraid to tell me how you really feel!

Well I thought it was well set out and that the poem was better without punctuation and capitilization (except where you put it of course). It was beautiful. I hope everything gets better with your cousin.


~ Loz

Hi Overeasy!

I really liked this poem. The random capitalizations don't really both me because it makes the Beautiful Baby seem like the name of the baby. (Cute picture by the way)! I liked how you didn't always put full sentences. That would of usually bothered me but it seemed to work well here. It made the flow nice and well paced. I have two little nitpicks for you though:

OverEasy wrote:that no body sees,

I think this should be nobody because nobody means the person and no body with a space in between means no body (as in the actual body)

OverEasy wrote:where ever he goes

this should be wherever

I liked reading this and you made me smile!

Deanie x

Hey thanks for the review! This work is actually pretty old though, maybe try checking out the current literary forums for something new to review!

Hey, OverEasy!

I like the name of this poem and just thought I'd take a look at it. And I'm glad I did

This is sweet and has so much affection reflecting from it. It's simple and so wonderfully worded that even though it's doesn't say much, it portrays a sea of pictures.

his body is Dying

I think using 'was' instead if 'is' would have been a better option.

All in all, this is a beautiful poem. And though it's quite old, it's definitely golden. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Like for Deani, it put a smile on my face as well
Keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza