Young Writers Society

touching lips to ear
i revel in the vastness
of our closeness
his voice dripping
ambrosia aphrodisiac
filling my soul
drunk
on his speaking
i speak my own
wine
sparkling bright champagne seduction
boiling his blood luminous and golden
longing to drink him into me
taste his soul
lick the crimson life-blood
caressing his voice
rolling off his tongue
taste that tongue
that tongue spinning light and shadow
words words words swaying in time
each taking turns leading this exchange
of souls’ bodies
spinning dizzy
with want
sounds and shapes given meaning
by tongues thick thick with honeyed lyrics
to this crude primeval dance
my pulse
one
two
to his rhythm
one
two
we beat as one
two
spilling sugar star fire
sweet electric bright
hot white light
I swear we seduced each other
with words

What a fascinating, seductively innocent poem. (I only say 'innocent' because the primary focus, if I read it correctly, the words exchanged that led to passion... and not exactly the passion itself, though it plays a part. So while it IS seductive, the focus is about a passion deeper than a physical one. Yes?)

I love the "liquid" images scattered throughout, and the idea of drinking in the words that the other is saying, becoming utterly intoxicated with them. I admit that toward the end I had to reorient my thinking to remember that this poem was more about winning a lover with words than it was about French kissing. Still, I get the feeling there's also something going on 'in the background' that the words play a prominent role in, but we're only privy to a small window of a picture.

The last seven lines are my absolute favorite and finished this piece off very nicely, I think. I like the

"we beat as one
two "

After all the other "one-two" combos. Well thought out.

The only "bad" thing I might say about this poem is that it almost feels a little too rich with image, and on occasion the fantastic images you paint almost detract from what you're getting at, but it's actually a minor point, and I think that if I'd written it myself, I'd be more than satisfied and would leave it well enough alone.

well, i honestly thought i already commented on this...i guess this i havent then...
anyway, i liked it even though it was kind of lengthy and dragged on a bit. i got the concept, even though it took awhile to really grasp what i was reading. however, you did a good job and for once, i will not complain about the lack of comma usage.

sweet as hell. Damn, this site kicks TYWC's ass.

I absolutley love it I really do as like brads poerty its so different and ahhh I just really love it, the wordsyou use are beautiful!!!
wu x

Galatea, your poetry is wonderful, like a fine wine that goes down smoothly but is intensely intoxicating. You have such a wonderful way with words, bravo with this piece.