Young Writers Society

Fallen snow
Envelopes the world
In it's ivory embrace;
Cold to the human race.

My garden,
My beautiful garden.
Roses, poppies, anything you name.
Teemed with life, now gone and dead.

Red, violet, yellow, blue,
Colors of which it is now devoid.
Completely unlike what I knew,
It has been destroyed.

Reduced to figures of white,
All the same in plain sight.
Hidden away underneath
Is a vast rainbow wreath.

Society's hold
Envelopes the world
In it's ivory embrace;
Standardizing the human race.

I like it. It's simple so you're not ruining the poem by being over dramatic. Yet, even though it's simple I'm not able to generate a sort of obvious emotion from it. Is the snow a bad thing or a good thing? That's basically my main question. Other than that, it's pretty good. Keep writing.

My dear, this is a fantastic start to imagery! And imagery is something so very necessary in poetry. In all honesty, imagery is very much important in prose as well, when trying to flesh out something and make it more appealing to the readers senses and sight rather than simply adhering to plot.

So I congratulate you! Imagery is a big step and something which young writers have a hard time grasping more often than not.

Now, a few nit-picks for this would have to be, first and foremost, these lines;

Fallen snow
Envelopes the world
In it's ebony embrace;

Now ebony as a word my sound absolutely lovely here, and I'm sure, for the most part, the idea was more geared towards the final stanza, but I couldn't get past the idea that you are describing snow, which is white (and sometimes yellow xD) as an inky black. After all, ebony is a black coloured wood.

I tried to play the idea around for awhile, but couldn't get past the fact that it was playing the idea of white as black. Maybe a change of words?

Now, I like the fact that you turned this one its head. To prove some form of a point rather than to simply indulge on the idea of weather imagery. Just, when I did read this, I had half-hoped you would have combined those ideas all the way through, rather than trying to create this idealistic epiphany towards the end rather than a well-rounded, completely thorough poem. You built it up, like a short story.

As it goes, I can't say I'm a huge fan of weather imagery. Sometimes its effectual, but pathetic fallacy has never been something I've taken a joy in in prose, let alone poetry. Compare things that are rarely compared. Speak of things that don't have to be a point being proved. Write passionately, wholeheartedly. To a poet, the world is so much more colourful than basic images and ideas of basic human rights. See the world outside of the box. I know you are capable because of the fact you have such a fantastic start by connecting the whiteness of snow with the whiteness of life.

So keep writing, and keep finding yourself. For in finding pieces of yourself, you'll create pieces that'll be completely, originally you.

Feel free to message me with any questions concerning the review!

~Walker

Hey Mirasol! Dogs here with your review today! I really loved this piece! I liked the strong imagery you throw in there! Oh and fyi i TOTALLY AGREE WINTER SUCKS I HATE THE SNOW AGHHHHHHH I already wrote a poem about how much i hate snow lol. Anywaysssssssss I love how you used such strong words to really paint an excellent image in the readers head. It's like i can see your garden and how everything is now dead and covered in snow.

All and all i really don't have anything to critique that hasn't already been said. This was great and i really liked it. Keep up the good work!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh