Young Writers Society

This poem I created to describe to people how... POWERFUL a simple novel can become:

Drawn from reality
Lost to the world
I don't need people
When I've created my own
Once I start
I can't seem to stop
Neglect reality
All needs are lost
My head is buried
Sights and scents of my own design
Good luck finding me
My mind has been bound

You speak the truth! Stories are a beautiful thing that are so easily escaped into.

Hi NiNLove,
I really like your poem... And I totally agree with you--novels can have an almost out-of-this-world pull.
Anyways, I think you can make it easier for the reader by adding punctuation. I know you probably omitted it purposefully, but it'd be a lot easier for the reader then. Here's a suggestion:

NiNLove wrote:Drawn from reality,
Lost to the world.
I don't need people
When I've created my own.
Once I start
I can't seem to stop.
I neglect reality,
All needs are lost.
My head is buried
In sights and scents of my own design.
Good luck finding me--
My mind has been bound.

I think other than that, this poem is really good! Keep writing.

I love it you have described the very essence of why i love reading, and writing..... and any type of art!!!
Fab!!!
And i especially love the way you ended it. Im sure you have just described the feelings of all those who are members of this site.

Hello there, NinLove! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!

First off, I adore your subject. Writing and reading novels is wonderful and addictive, and I'm pleased that you devoted a poem to them. That being said, I feel that a little bit of editing can make this poem stand out even more.

The first thing I think needs work is its structure. Even though it's a small poem, it still needs to be broken down, at least slightly. A large clump of words can be unattractive to the eye, and oftentimes grouping the words together can bury some of the most brilliant words beneath piles of other ones because they're not given enough space of their own. Therefore, I'm going to break this down and punctuate it in the way I feel is best.

Drawn from reality,
lost to the world.
I don't need people
when I've created my own.

Once I start,
I can't seem to stop.
Neglect reality;
all needs are lost.

My head is buried
in sights and scents of my own design.
Good luck finding me.
My mind has been bound.

See how much more each part of this stands out? I feel like writing structure is very important, because the wrong structure can detract from the beauty of an amazing poem. Some writers don't like to use punctuation and capitalization because they feel it restricts them, but I'm a big fan of it. Effective punctuation, capitalization, and structure can be the different between a mediocre piece and an absolutely stellar one.

All in all, great work! Always keep writing!

-Rose

Thanks for the advice guys! :3 I'll definitely put it to use.

Hey, shiney1 here
This poem speaks the truth! I often lose myself in books and novels and neglect my duties XD

But I find that this poem loses its flow in various places and lacks needed punctuation that could help with that. I know many poets leave out punctuation for style or they think starting a new line makes the pause, but many times you really cannot afford to leave out those marks. Also, I feel that you could have done so much more with the imagery, Novels have no limit and can take you to alternate worlds. I do not think this poem captured enough of the possibilities there.

Drawn from reality
Lost to the world,
I don't need people
When I've created my own.

Here, the problem with the last line is that it does not connect with the second line, which it refers to, clearly or quickly enough, and cripples the poem's flow. You may want to make more clear the reference this line makes.

Once I start
I can't seem to stop;
Neglect reality
All needs are lost.

Not bad here, you just need some punctuations since flow is your main issue. Also, the poem sounds a bit choppy here, so making the number of syllables in each line close to the same would help.

My head is buried in
Sights and scents of my own design;
Good luck finding me
My mind has been bound! This "!" mark will add life to the ending for a strong finish.

Adding "in" helps the flow and will make this sentence sound less choppy.

So I put in the needed punctuation marks and my suggestions. You should keep working on this one and maybe update it, it has great potential

Hi! Do you happen to like Nine Inch Nails, or am I totally off the mark?

Anyway! For this poem, I think you can make this much cooler if you actually throw in some literary references to some of the novels you like and bring in your experiences with that. It'll really help flesh out the poem and give it some neat substance. Right now, it seems a little bit bare. Don't be afraid to develop it! But yeah... the cool bit about these sorts of poems (when you read from published authors) is the amount of allusions and inside jokes that are in here. So, have fun with that.