Young Writers Society

I miss you,
and I can't stand it.
How can you miss someone,
who hurt you so much?
Someone who ripped out your heart?
And slammed it on the concret,
right in front of your face?

I love you,
and I can't stand myself.
How can you love someone,
who crushed your dreams?
Someone who made you cry everyday?
And made you wish,
that you weren't ever born?

I need you,
and I can't understand why.
How can you need someone,
who made you feel worthless?
Someone who talked behind your back?
And never once told you,
that they need you for once?

Hello there dear! =)

So I'm back! This time with free time! XD So as you already know, I really liked this poem and I want to give it a good review so I hope that's going to work out! =D

Let's start with what the poem did to my mind! 8D
When I finished reading this poem, the first thought that crossed my mind was: Why do I still feel something for him?!! OO And the next thought was: aaaah she deserves so much better than this...mean person!!
It's weird how we can still love the person who treats us like trash. (quite annoying too =.= XD)
You've captured that frustrating feeling that people feel when thinking about this very well in your poem so congratulations on that!
I like how much feeling there is in this poem though you didn't use extremely complicated words! You did great with just nice simple words and that's a talent! =)

And like Deanie dear said, you should fix this typo to make it better. =)

And slammed it on the concret,

Okay so that was it from me! I hope this review helped a little and write more amazing poems!
Good job =)
-qaralynn-

Hey there! Nice to meet you, Ill review your work today! Please don't take anything I say too seriously because I don't mean to be rude. I just review hard for some reason, sorry!

Okay.... Who are you talking about it this poem? Are you talking about yourself or the other person? You will need to make that clear, also it will need to flow just a little bit better... Thanks, PM me if you need any more advice, I wasn't able to give it a good run through sorry! Thankies,
~Randi (Alabaster)

Hi there!

Well I just wanted to say I really loved your poem. It was a nice poem, with the questions being asked to the reader. I liked how you didn't actually give us too much information on who or what lead to this utter devastation and self doubt because it makes the reader think. You did spell concrete wrong in the first verse - but thats only a nitpick which I do advise you to change.

The opening and middle were all good - but I think the ending is a bit abrupt. It would be nice to maybe have an additional verse with gives us a bit of a break from all the questions and sums up the whole poem. It doesn't even have to be a verse, it could also be a line. But I think the ending was a little to sudden because it left me wanting more.

All in all great poem there

Deanie x

Hey
I figured since you reviewed my first poem I wanted to review your's, I think it's really good and all but i think you should make it more clear on how bad Dalton hurt you! So yeah. P.S You need way more then Dalton ever gave you!