Young Writers Society

FAITH

The plane between truth and lies is a lonely place,
a place thus defined by faith.
It is a dimension far beyond my expectation,
a place where all is possible,
and nothing is concrete.
This is the place where a mind changes everything.
This the plane where love lives and loneliness abides.
Only one can remain here,
only one can abide,
it is not ideas, or identity,
nor is it love or hope,
it is but faith, undying, true christian faith.
It exists in this plane between reality and the impossible,
it exists here.




Falter


You ask me to waver,
to falter my faith,
just for a measly "A".
You ask for an alter,
to a long gone Chicano,
like its nothing to give up my values.
You call me crazy,
because I believe,
in something bigger than you and me.
You look at me with your judging eyes,
asking for compromise,
you can't have it.
I will be strong,
I will not falter,
I WILL NOT BUILD YOUR ALTAR.

Cassie


She said yes,
She let go,
all the fears that held her down for so long.
She said yes,
She forgot the peers that simply watched,
She said yes.
Cassie left fear behind,
when she lifted her eyes,
and said "Yes".
A single word sealed her fate,
nailed her coffin lid,
she said yes, I believe, you can't keep God from me.
She forgot all the fear,
been building up in her for years,
and she said yes.
Cassie was young,
had her life,
staring at her in her eyes,
but she said yes.
I like to think,
if I was her,
I would answer the same,
so I say Yes, I Believe You can't keep God from me.

I like the messages behind these; I think you did a good job getting them across without being preachy. Rather than trying to convince people to believe as you believe, you just say, "This is what I believe, and I don't care whether or not you like that I believe it - I'm going to believe it anyway." That is really nice.

I do think that these could use a bit more of a poetic element, though. I don't mean rhyme - free verse is great, and I personally feel that you can do a lot more with it than with rhyming poems. But you have hardly any imagery or figurative language. The last poem is probably the best in these terms, because even though you don't have any specific imagery, you talk about a specific person, her experience and words, who inspires your words. I realize that, in the first poem, you say "nothing is concrete," but still - poems need something in the way of concrete imagery or figurative language.

~Blue

Hey, Misstoria!

The first peom 'Faith' is quite a great way of showing your feelings on the subject. Although, I feel that faith cannot lie in between truth and lies because for me, what lies in between truth and lies is uncertainty and faith is beyond the truth and beyond the lies. To me, Faith means belief. And belief is a whole other thing than fibs and facts. Although your aspect on faith is still quite interesting and quite thought-provoking.

The second peom 'Falter' is a strong tribute to self-respect and standing for one's own self. It's a celebration of fighting back and I can definitely feel the punch with your closing lines. It's good

The third poem 'Cassie' to me is about this young girl who was intent on believing in God but somehow, she was killed and seemingly forgotten. This poem didn't really speak out to me much. Who would want to kill her? And why was her faith being tested? You also forgot to add quote marks for the 12th line of the poem. This poem could have been much better overall when compared to the rest of the two that you've posted.

All in all the things I found consistent with all three poems is that they lacked a lot of basic flow for me. They were more of plain sentences rather than in poetic form and that really throws away the novelty factor of the pieces. The subject matter in each piece is so strong and wonderful, but the delivery can ruin it easily. Adding more rhythm to it and making it sound less direct would make them a lot more better than they already are. Also, all the poems seem to have no proper stanza ordering. Maybe you've done it on purpose or just left it as it was, but to me the poems didn't look very inviting to read and the sentences looked quite awkward like that. Try dissecting them into at least 2 or three stanzas each. It would make the poems a little more inviting for the reader

So all in all, I see that you've made a good effort and you've definitely got some good skill. I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Keep the ink flowing! I'm sure this is not your best and I'm quite eager for that to come!

Murtuza