Young Writers Society

So, I'm really not sure if I like this (at all)... but here we go anywaysss...


When you forget how to remember
Or if you only ever held one memory at all,
Your stitches don't loosen--
They snap.

This perforated skin lets time drain out.

Today, I stayed home from school;
That's almost twenty absences.
I called in sick, but couldn't say from what.
I am ill from the violent entropy clogging my arteries.

With no time inside, all I can do is die from it
As it eats away at my work, and my life,
And my words, and relationships.
Time never allows sleep.

But time can't poison the thinker,
So I visit her every night and watch
As she shows me my potential.
She teaches communication and screens my mistakes--
A psych ward:
Unsettling and aggravating,
And teaching me how to cope.
But she is me, and like an organ,
She is only part of the whole.

And the connection dissolves
And I vomit
And still can't reverse the overdose
And empty out anxiety
And time never went away.

So, I detach and depersonalize and dissociate and derealize.
Can't imagine the future
With the past braiding phobia into my hair.
Scared of time
And how the numbers jump,
Scared by how my minutes match hours
And what that might mean.
I tremble when my mind reaches out it's hand, and I take it
Even when I know I'll let go.

Inside myself or inside reality,
I float
And nothing more.

Hey bird! Dogs here back for ROUND THREE OF THE DAY!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYY! I think you might take the trophy home with you for most poetry posts in a day. lol, anyways. To be frank and honest, I don't really know what to think of this lol. You have some great lines in here but to be honest, I think it reads more like a book then a poem. And again, like I said in your last excellent poem, this poem is another one that is a little difficult to follow from my point of view. Or maybe i'm just stupid which is very liable. Anywho! Maybe add a footnote about what this is about and how it makes you feel and why you wrote it yada yada. All that good stuff. I absolutely love how you work in time in this piece. An excellent stroke of brilliance from your side. I personally love all poems about time because there are so few that actually write a poem based off of time because it is such an abstraction.

Anyways this is a good poem and I think i like it but i'm not sure lol. Well keep up the good work!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Hey there! How are you? Good I hope this poem isn't about you! Its very neatly written, you have a few good points in here, I couldn't really find much mistakes that a normal poet would make. (Sorry, I'm not truely a poet, I'm more of a novel writer...) Your flow throughout the piece is neatly written as well as your forum/style of the piece. I had a few good moments in here when I read this. It reminded me a few things that people I knew went through, I can see how much you feel for this poem. Well I like it, its something that really spoke to me. Thats another thing I like about your work, it spoke to me in ways that other's can't. I always like that in a writer or poet in your case. Well keep writing! I'll be sure to check out some more of your work! Thankies for your time!
<3 Alabaster~