Young Writers Society

BEFORE

"Are you okay",
i ask so worried,
your eyes dash left and right,
"give me a try'.
To do what you say, save my life?
Tears fill my eyes as we stare blankly away,
avoiding the lies of yesterday,
talk about something else,
forget it.
A text message 2am,
you ok?
yes i am you reply.
About to type:
I don't belive the lies but I forget it,
I forget you.
The pain of rejection,
beats me in,
as I try to get rid of you my friend,
not wanting it to end.
Dev, you ok? i text just yesterday,
sure im fine,
watever dev, just let me save your life.
No....

DURING

The calls come in left and right,
Devon Pritt took his life tonight,
I begin to simply cry,
then I fight with my heart inside.
It's your fault my soul screams,
you talked to him the other day,
you could have saved his life.
My brain comes back with he loved you,
the blame doesnt belong to you,
neither matter,
i still can't think,
you left me.
I make my calls,
to all our friends,
at first I lie,
then here comes the hurt.
The sobbing goes on for hours,
it doesn't dare end,
because then I would forget.
I hold my head high in front of others,
but I can't help but cry at night.
You were my best friend,
heading for stardom me, you, and Dryden,
the three villains,
but now it's goodbye.
How dare you die?

AFTER

Dear let me tell you,
about the day,
you left me forever.
It was a day like no other,
not a drop of rain in my sun lit sky,
until the night when they fell from my eyes.
You pulled the trigger,
on your future,
stained mine with blood,
to always remember that night in August
when it was so clear,
you never loved me.
Tears fell harder than rain in a November sky,
"why?" I scream,
but God doesn't answer.
My world comes crashing down on me,
pieces of the future,
destroying our history,
goodbye dear one.
Do you remember that day?
you made your choice me or the gun,
you chose wrong.
No more midnight talks about smurfs and glow sticks,
just me crying,
trying to forget it.
Your number is still in my phone,
listed as forever gone.

FOREVER

Tonight I am young,
I don't dare cry and spoil the fun.
Your name is floating through my head,
with your laugh and your jokes,
I move on for a moment then remember,
love is forever.
I'm 25 and a writer,
married with kids,
like a sitcom.
My baby girl,
is named after you,
did you know?
She's gorgeous and I swear she smiles just like you,
but that's impossible.
I remember you every once in a while,
and I cry for your father,
hes an alcoholic,
and your cousin his wife died last month.
I'm 40 and old,
wrinkles on my face,
tears in my eyes.
New York Times Bestseller,
I met Robert Pattinson,
BTW he's rude.
I have 3 kids who are perfect,
and my husband is more than i imagined,
I still miss you.
I'm 68 and my love is forever gone,
my babies are having their own offspring,
and I miss them.
Went to our 50 year class reunion last night,
it was horrible.
Everyone is either dead,
or gone in the head,
just like high school.
We talked about you,
at least after I reminded them,
I still think of you,
but the memories are quite dim.
In the center of my old fake class ring,
your name is engraved,
In Memory of Devon it says.
Dev, I will never forget.

I love the poem although it's a little bit long for me to understand and stay focused on, I know poems can be any length but I had trouble staying on task while trying to read the poem.

This was absolutely gorgeous. I agree with Aliyah, it did seem a little hard to get through, but that can be easily fixed by one big thing: Punctuation. I was often distracted from your poem not by something more interesting (this poem was intriguing and very well written to say the least) but by your missed capitals, your forgotten periods, and excessive commas. It made it seem looser, more scattered, less focused than it actually is. You have amazing descriptions, awesome metaphors, fantastic flow and an extremely good writing style, don't let anyone's attention be distracted from the poem itself!