Young Writers Society

I wrote this poem a long time ago, like, when I was 13 or 14. I don't quite remember. I just thought I'd post it C:

They told her things would get better;
they always told her not to worry;
they always left tears running through her hair,
as she hugged them with her little arms.

They always tried to look happy around her;
they always tried to hide the truth from her;
they always left tears running through her hair,
as she hugged them with her little arms.

They tried to keep her away from it all,
to keep her innocent heart from hurting like theirs.
They always left tears running through her hair
as she hugged them with her little arms.

She always drew them smiling,
she drew herself and them holding hands.
They always left tears running through her hair
as she struggled to hold them both, together.

Hey Mikko,

That's a cute poem. Emotive, deceptive, and quite clearly sad. It made me almost cry there. Stanzas that mention things like, "As she hugged them with her little arms". The keyword, "little" is what pulls on the heartstrings. The last stanza is the most powerful piece of work where we're drawn up to the present, imagining a little child with a blunt pencil, scratching a sketch of her with two parents, cheerful facades plastered on their faces.
Seriously? If this is what you wrote when you were 13 or 14, then I'm going to check out your other current work.
You've inspired me to try poetry.
And trust me. I don't do poetry. Ever.

Well done!

NightWriter x

Hey Mikko,

That's a cute poem. Emotive, deceptive, and quite clearly sad. It made me almost cry there. Stanzas that mention things like, "As she hugged them with her little arms". The keyword, "little" is what pulls on the heartstrings. The last stanza is the most powerful piece of work where we're drawn up to the present, imagining a little child with a blunt pencil, scratching a sketch of her with two parents, cheerful facades plastered on their faces.
Seriously? If this is what you wrote when you were 13 or 14, then I'm going to check out your other current work.
You've inspired me to try poetry.
And trust me. I don't do poetry. Ever.

Well done!

NightWriter x

This poem evoked a series of interesting emotions in me. To start it made me pity the young girl that you depict for her sadness and pain alone. Then as I read further I began to understand that this is about the emotional strain that comes from a divorce, and how that affects a young child. When I was six my mother had a nervous breakdown, moved to my basement, and then within six months left the house and my father. I remember very distinctly the emotional toll this had on me, and some of my thoughts and part of my outlook on life was shaped by their separation. This poem immediately brought all these thoughts flooding back to me, and I remembered wanting to hold them together, blaming myself for my mother leaving, and wanting everything to be happy and normal again.

She always drew them smiling,
she drew herself and them holding hands.

This part in particular evoked really strong feelings within me, because you can always tell what a child is thinking by what they draw or sing or play with. And this reminded me so much of myself that it brings tears to my eyes just reviewing it. And trust me I pride myself on having a manly demeanor.

My one complaint is that you reused the line about the tears in her hair, and I would have like to see more examples of her pain than just the tears in her hair. It just got a little repetitive, but I did like the way that you held the piece together with the last line of each stanza (besides the last stanza of course).
Overall, this was a really moving piece and really struck a chord in me. Keep writing, its a one way ticket to wherever you want to go.

Thers