Young Writers Society

Always remember That I'm there for you
Never Forget That I Love you
That's obvious that we can never be together
But still we have ALOT more to Gather...
Whatever we've done...Huff or puff
It always seems like that's not enough....
You're the best person i've ever met in my Life
I don't wanna lose you by discussing My husband or Your wife...
The only thing i can do to you is love you
The only thing i can't do is hurt you
I know today was bad
But i think that one should be Glad
For whatever happened was a mess
But still we lasted for each others yes....
We couldn't get the answer
All what He said was a disaster
I just couldn't bear what was tuned
It took me to just bear some wound
For Now it had to bled
But atleast No body was dead
Cause he at the moment said
Don't do anything or the world's good ppl population would subside...
I Cried...cried and cried...
I tried...tried and tried...
But what i actually got back to
was that my mind was COMPLETELY fried..
I decided to take some shower..
Where i missed Him for an hour....
Tried to get back to what i was
cx being against each other was not in our Laws...
I just recalled that night we spent together
It deleted every bad thing from my mind by saying 'WHATEVER'
Cause I Love you in every way...."

I love your poem but I just wanted to let you know that a lot is two words.
other than that great job on your poem.

What you've got here is a beautiful poem, truly. It somehow felt like you just took the whole thing of the top whilst sitting under a tree.

Good work. Keep pouring your heart out off the brim and you won't go wrong.

That was really dramatic, some case of adultery going on there if I got it right.OK, down to the review part, I think the framework of the poem is good, but you gotta add more value to it than this. It's like having the greatest thing in the world and presenting it in a shabby way that diminishes it's value. There's need to work on your grammar and punctuations all through the poem, there are so many I can't start pointing them out now but this poem has potentials and it would be great if you do some major reconstructions.
Good Job anyways

I liked it a lot. like, it was amazing!

Hey Pencilgirl,

I liked this poem, although to me, it looked more like song lyrics than a poem.

Stilll; it was enjoyable.

It deleted every bad thing from my mind by saying 'WHATEVER'
Cause I Love you in every way...."

This was good. It really ended your work with a bang. A soft, lingering bang, that is. Eitherway, I liked that bit the most.

I can't really say much, as poetry isn't my main forte. There weren't any spelling mistakes that I picked up and your flow was quite good.

Allover, I liked it!

Well done.

NightWriter x

hahha... OMG That's My work.. Thanks penci for posting it...

Hi pencilgirl! xx

I loved the meaning of this poem. It spreads the love for the poem. It was good.

But I found out ALOT of mistakes. Mostly it is on your punctuation, capital letters, and your "I" 's.
For a poem, that is too important. A poem isn't just anything which is only supposed to have meaning in it but punctuation and grammar correct too.

Your grammar was perfect but, I found your punctuation a little low...
Yes, that will be corrected as I go on. ^.^

Some things you need to know:

1) In a poem, most lines have to end with a comma, semi-colon or full-top. You didn't have that here.

2) You, me and a lot of other people make this mistake. We begin every line with a capital letter. Why? I have no clue. I guess it makes it look better? But, yeah, back to the point. My friend told me that you don't need to begin every line of a poem with a capital letter. If your previous line ends with a full stop, it's okay. But if the previous line ends with a comma, you really don't need to begin the next one with a capital letter.

3) Whenever you describe yourself as "I", it must ALWAYS be capital.

Follow those rules. ^^^^^

Now, on to the nitpicks:

pencilgirl wrote:Always remember That I'm there for you
Never Forget That I Love you
That's obvious that we can never be together
But still we have ALOT more to Gather...
Whatever we've done...Huff or puff
It always seems like that's not enough....
You're the best person i've ever met in my Life
I don't wanna lose you by discussing My husband or Your wife...
The only thing i can do to you is love you
The only thing i can't do is hurt you
I know today was bad
But i think that one should be Glad
For whatever happened was a mess
But still we lasted for each others yes....
We couldn't get the answer
All what He said was a disaster
I just couldn't bear what was tuned
It took me to just bear some wound
For Now it had to bled
But atleast No body was dead
Cause he at the moment said
Don't do anything or the world's good ppl people population would subside...
I Cried...cried and cried...
I tried...tried and tried...
But what i actually got back to
was that my mind was COMPLETELY fried..
I decided to take some shower..
Where i missed Him for an hour....
Tried to get back to what i was
cx <(??) being against each other was not in our Laws...
I just recalled that night we spent together
It deleted every bad thing from my mind by saying 'WHATEVER'
Cause' I Love you in every way...."

As you can see, you've used short-forms too. And some sentences have some words that starts with a capital letter. Which is not needed. And all the "I"'s must be capital. Please make the corrections so that next time, you do not make the same mistake. ^.^

Overall: Meaning and grammar was good but punctuation has to be controlled. Okay? x) I'll give you this a 7/10. I'm sure you can do way better. ^.^

Keep Writing! ^o^

Cookie <3'

HEY! first off thanks for reviewing the work I posted today

OK so I think the strongest portion of your poem is the actual premise. It seemed conformed at first but the more you get into it the more it isn't which is good.

The main issue I had with this is how you versed it; like the spacing is consistently inconsistent. You split the lines in a way I'm not used to, and maybe that's just how you write which is completely fine, it just takes some getting used to. The other thing is the random capitalized words... I assume that means that you're marking those words as important, but the random capitalizing is a distraction and I think you should find another way to flag that word as something the reader should feel is significant.

However those are all just technical issues. The message, the story was great but next time you post just go back over for a second and see if anything superficially sticks out at you. You want to make the whole thing smooth, blend like a single unit: Anything that potentially branches out and causes a distraction will undermine the value of the story you create.

Great job!

It is a beautiful poem. I noticed that you used the word 'alot' in your poem. I think what you mean is 'a lot' because the word alot means to distribute. When you wrote

I don't wanna lose you by discussing My husband or Your wife...

I assume that you ment they were both already married. I really like the forbiden love angle. It brings a new level of emotion to the poem. You capitalized various words in the poem, and I personally dislike this. Overall, your poem was great and except for a few puncuation errors. Keep writing!

Rarity ♦