Young Writers Society

I kind of wrote this when I was going through some of my darker days. It's not very good and really short because I suck at poetry, but it means a bit to me. If you have any suggestions on how I can improve, please tell me. Thanks. c: ~Disenchanted

The silence engulfs me.
The darkness surrounds me.
The echoes of my sobs reverberate around the room.
There’s nothing I can do.
No one will understand me.
No one can.

I ask myself, “Why?”
When I can’t even answer the question.
Misery, depression, confusion.
The shadows taunt me,
They dance around my head.

I reach out a hand
But no one is there to catch me.
I’m falling.
Falling.
Falling forever
Into the depths of my despair.

Nice...

Hey Disenchanted! xx

I like this poem very much. There's not much of mistakes at all.
And how can you say you suck at poetry? I think your pretty good and you shouldn't stop writing poems at all. There's always space to improve, love. <3'

There are very few mistakes which can be corrected next time you write anything. xD

Disenchanted wrote:The silence engulfs me.
The darkness surrounds me.
The echoes of my sobs reverberate around the room. - This line is too big. Shorten it.
There's nothing I can do.
No one will understand me.
No one can.

I ask myself,"Why?"
when I can't even answer the question.
Misery, depression, confusion.
The shadows taunt me,
they dance around my head.

I reach out a hand
but no one is there to catch me.
I'm falling.
Falling. Two of these lines are too short. Can you make a little longer?
Falling forever
into the depths of my despair.

Overall I loved this poem! A very good poem. I thought this is going to be one of those suicidal poems but this was different. Yay! ^.^ I can give this a 9/10.

Keep Writing! Never stop. xP

Cookie ^.^

Everything written from the heart is worth something, remember that! Because it was written in a time of desperation and darkness, it means something and things from the heart can't be edited. But since you requested for suggestions on improvements I'm here to help~

Disenchanted wrote:The silence engulfs me.
The darkness surrounds me.
The echoes of my sobs reverberate around the room.
There’s nothing I can do.
No one will understand me.
No one can.

engulfs is a nice, big vocab word, but then surrounds is sort of... eh. I suggest something more along the lines of 'swallows' or something to show more emotion.
if your going to use that word 'echoes', it needs something... something else to make it less awkward. That line is also very long, and maybe you should split it into two lines since it's so big compared to your others.
"there's nothing i can do". Do for what? about what? this line is very short and simple, but lacks power behind those words. Give it more feeling and add onto it so the reader can really understand what your trying to say.
"no will understand me" and "no one can" is not exactly... poetic. Poetry tends to be pouring your soul upon the paper with every touch of the pen, if you get what I mean.

Disenchanted wrote:I ask myself, “Why?”
When I can’t even answer the question.
Misery, depression, confusion.
The shadows taunt me,
They dance around my head.

Why what? you don't have to put out what's upset you, just rather state simply, "why must it be this way" or "why must you do this to me" (only not as crappily written as my examples) just further explain the situation. The verbs you use to describe the shadows... are not quite flowing in the manner you were probably hope to get at. If the shadows are taunting you, push further into that and you could make it sort of eerie by rhyming that up with 'haunting'.

Disenchanted wrote:I reach out a hand
But no one is there to catch me.
I’m falling.
Falling.
Falling forever
Into the depths of my despair.

Say that your falling before the part about reaching out a hand, otherwise it's confusing and awkwardly worded.
I love the last two lines!~ "falling forever, into the depths of my despair". Very beautiful, Keep writing!

Amazing! Truly and utterly amazing! I absolutely loved it- some of your best work...
- Midnight