Young Writers Society

Running sleepily, I ponder
my white dress flowing in the breeze.
Thinking dreamily, I wonder
as my bare feet touch them they freeze.

They are the long green strands of life.
Shatter into coldness and frost,
sharper than the edge of a knife
the pale smoothness of my foot lost.

It jabs deeper and deeper into me still
reawakening the pain of long ago.
Breaking and stripping me clean of all my will
to stand in the valley of my heart and know,

that this hole in my heart is because of him.
The path that I once walked is forever gone
resting beneath trees, silver from limb to limb
traveling on toward the beginning of dawn.

My knees give and fall softly onto the ground
my footprints forming a new path have now stopped.
Love drifting away with the snow all around
and the tears sliding down my cheeks have dropped.

The torment from within, no longer hidden.
I see beauty everywhere, but feel none.
I know of the waves my anger has ridden
and emotions leave me all except for one.

Sadness grips me even tighter
the aches of my heart don't dwindle.
For I am no more a fighter
of life's one tremendous spindle.

The valley so narrow and long
torn little by little apart.
I am sure it does not belong
this silver valley of my heart.

This is very vivid piece. The details really extend the piece further into the depths of the mind. I can't relate to this piece, because I have yet to have a first, but if were to have loved and lost, I would feel this piece. This poem flows well. The metaphors are rich and hold meaning. The structure of this piece has is in itself a flow to it, long, kind of like a stream, flowing smoothly. I just really love the language of this piece, I don't know why, but it reminds me of old-timey stuff. This piece flows, is rich in metaphors, is structure in a lovely flowy fashion, and has a language to it that I would compare to that of old-English poets, who were really good. This is an amazing poem! Bravo!

Hi there

This poem was really great. The detail is very inspiring and I could picture everything you were saying. Your rhyme was really smooth and blended right in. My favourite verse had to be the last one

soccer9angelvb wrote:The valley so narrow and long
torn little by little apart.
I am sure it does not belong
this silver valley of my heart.

It was a great why to sum up your lovely poem. You've got a really great way of writing. I love your style. Great job!

Deanie x