Young Writers Society

Hehe, I'm trying some more poetry. I'm still a noob at it so don't bash on me too harshly. xD This is my second attempt at writing poetry, my first being called Depths of My Despair http://youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=91712&p=945229&hilit=depths+of+my+despair. Check it out, by the way. C: And I hope you'll enjoy this one too. ~Disenchanted

I’m trapped in a simple place called life,
Crushed under boulders called pressure,
Suffocated by a gas called pain,
And lost in a maze called confusion.

Still trapped in a simple place called life,
Where emotions aren’t accepted,
Where success is the only thing important,
And where love doesn’t exist.

Always trapped in a simple place called life.
By now, I know it isn’t certain
Whether or not I’ll survive this battle.
But I know do know one thing…

I’ll soon escape this simple place called life.
I’ll throw pressure over my shoulders.
I’ll wash away the gasses of pain.
I’ll find a way out of confusion’s labyrinth.

I’ll laugh and I’ll cry all I want.
I’ll fail and push on with a smile.
I’ll say, “I love you” to the world.
I’ll look life in the eyes
and whisper, “Do you remember me?”

Hi!

I thought that this was lovely, and if you hadn't said you were new to poetry, I never would have guessed it(:

I didn't see anything wrong with the poem grammatically or any other way for that part! But I did not see how the title was hooked to the poem too much, maybe it's just me though as I am a bit new to poetry as well.

I think my favourite part had to be either the first or last stanza! The beginning one because it describes life with its pressure and pain with concrete things which was really nice(: and I loved the last stanza or mostly the last two lines because it wrapped up the poem perfectly(: great job!

Keep writing!

Chezka(: