Young Writers Society

Blind towards temptation.
Ridiculed for my wisdom.
Empty rooms closing as I pass by.
The truth never hurt me cause it accepted.

Jaded beyond return.
Misleading ideas.
Crazy evolved into normal.
You would've never known that I was accepted.

By fortune, by fame who knew?
Discussions disclaimed by you.
Disgusted emotions that cant be tamed it true.
But for you, that knew, this vision askew was always accepted.
Heat turned to vapor.
Your trendy favors,
Accepted with much labor.
But this night, I just might, with great fight, not be accepted.

I broke down Its walls.
Took control of your fame.
Played enough of yours, but now its my game.
No matter how high, I will always be this tall.

Run seek learn.
Hide scream and yearn.
For the times that curse your soul.
Just remember acceptance can never be so bold.

Hey there, here to review.

First stanza- I'm not sure if I... like... your punctuation? But it seems very stylistic, at least of this poem, so I'll let it slide. In the last line "cause" should be "because", or at least put an apostrophe in front of it ('cause) to denote removed letters. I would say use "because", though, since you seem very eloquent in the rest of the poem. I'm not quite sure at this point what you're trying to convey as a message to the reader.

Second stanza- In the last line, I might say "you never would've known" and eliminate the contraction to make it "you never would have known", to give it more of a sense of formality and put things in a more flow-oriented structure. "You would've never known" is stilted, a bit out of place and disjointed. As for the third line, "Crazy evolved into normal", I might say something other than "crazy" - "insane", "mad", etc. - but it's up to you.

Third stanza- Perhaps add a comma after "fame" - "By fortune, by fame, who knew?" - to help with the flow. In the third line, it ought to read - grammatically - "Disgusted emotions that can't be tamed, it's true." I'm not very sure I like what you tried to do here with a rhyme - especially when you say "But for you, that knew, this vision askew", because it seems like you're tossing in whatever words rhyme just because they rhyme. I'd say rethink the scheme you have going on, because it's very stilted at this point. "Your trendy favors" also seems like it's a bit out of place - perhaps use a word other than "trendy" to get your point across?

Fourth stanza- "its" shouldn't be capitalised. In the third line, "its" ought to be "it's" because the term is being used as a contraction of "it is". I'm not sure about the imagery in the last line, but it's up to you what you're trying to say. Your poem, not mine.

Fifth stanza- I'd say add commas for the "list" format. "Run, seek, learn./Hide, scream, and yearn." Also, after "yearn" I would say to get rid of the full stop, because you continue that in the next line.

What I'm not sure about in this poem is the rhyme scheme. Where it's evident, it's very disjointed and out of place, and it seems like you chose words just because they rhymed. That's not something that should be done - and the rhythm, as well, is thrown off because of it. Don't write the rhyme into the poem if it doesn't work well.

The idea is awesome. I love it. I just don't like the execution quite as much. There's definitely quite a bit of work to be done with this before it's a "great" poem.

Hello again, Isaac!

All right, I'll be honest here... this poem seems a little bit confusing. You keep on talking about "acceptance" but then the question springs up... acceptance for what? It kind of sounds like you're talking about the general kind of acceptance... that is to be tolerated for you are, or to be allowed into a group... maybe a clique? But this is never really explained at all.

Also, your narrator... um... how do I put this nicely? Your narrator is kind of a nasty guy, because he seems to be manipulating the person that he's talking to in... some sort of attempt to destroy this person? I don't know. You said this:

I broke down Its walls.
Took control of your fame.
Played enough of yours, but now its my game.
No matter how high, I will always be this tall.

I mean, doesn't this sound like your narrator is manipulating this other person in order to destroy that person?

I don't know... I think I am missing something here (though I've read this poem a couple of times over). I mean, the idea of acceptance gets thrown out, but... what is it acceptance to? And what is this struggle about? And why is it important for the narrator to crush the acceptance that could be gained to this other person? I don't mind when poems can be subtle, even overly so, but I think in this case your poem is just plain confusing.

Try and describe what their conflict is really about. Once we see this, it will be easier to understand the consequences and why things must be the way that they are. But, we need to have a better sense of the conflict first before we an make sense of this poem.