Young Writers Society

Google knows the height of Everest:
a staggering five and a half miles,
she knows the members of One Direction:
Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry Styles.
Google knows how many bones are in a leg:
surprisingly to me, only four,
she knows the population of China:
one-point-three billion (or a little more!).
Google knows why parachutes slow your fall:
something called Terminal Velocity,
she knows when the next Twilight film is released:
November sixteenth sees the next movie.
Google maps knows exactly where my house is:
you can see the red door down Langdale Drive,
she can explain the story line of 'Lost':
Sawyer, Kate, Claire and a few others survived.

Google knows far more
than me or than you.
Uni Challenge contestents,
she could teach a thing or two!

But she doesn't have all the answers that I seek,
I guess Google doesn't know it all.
When it comes to important questions
her knowledge is limited and small.

Hello Anna! I'm Demoness and congratulations, of ALL the works on YWS yours will be the first I review this end-of-the-world-year of 2012!

So, well, I'll get to it.

First of all, I enjoy the creativity of writing about google, there are so many cliché topics but never have I read anything with google as the tree which all the branches of words come from. In the beginning I thought of this as a bit of humoristic with the first stanza being a bit comic and all but towards the end it still felt like this poem had some sort of message and deeper end to it. I think it could've been deeper yet though and that those last two stanzas could be expanded and improved. The message could be delivered more smoothly than with just these poor words. This isn't the type of poems I usually stumble across but I still feel like it, like all others, should be based on the "Show not tell" - mantra. Also, the last two stanzas rhymed wile the first one didn't... I'd advice you to stick to one of the two ways... I think the rhyming would fit best for this poem

As for the grammar I didn't find any mistakes even though some lines differed a little too much in length so that the flow and rythm was disrupted.

Overall, interesting and original poem. I'll give it 3/5 icky, sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Anna,

I love your concepts and ideas. The rhyming was nice to hear, there were a few places that it seemed somewhat forced ^_^; also be sure to keep a tight rhythm. To me, the jarring aspect of the poem was more the upsets in rhythm than the forced rhyming.

So for example,

Google knows the height of Everest: (9)
a staggering five and a half miles, (8)
she knows the members of One Direction: (10)
Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry Styles. (12 -- I tripped up on some of these names and I don't get the reference myself, so I might be pronouncing things wrong, but I think it's 12 syllables, no? )
Google knows how many bones are in a leg: (11)
surprisingly to me, only four, (9)

The jump from 12, 11 down to 9 was a bit staggering for example. Especially when you take into consideration the wordiness of some of the first stanzas, compared to that last one.

In most places the rhythm was pretty well in-tact, but make sure to fix the places where it's off, because where it's off, it's noticed, and jarring.

What I like about this the most is the specificness. I can relate to a lot of this because of the specific examples referenced. It seems at the end it gets lazy though, and so the message gets watered down, because you mention that there are things google can't answer and you don't tell us what these things are...

And I'm really curious to know too. Because at first I'm thinking, well yeah, google can't answer anything to do about human things, like love for example...but then again, google does link to a lot of cosmo relationship articles xD

Plus, it just seems like a disappointment, because you were so specific with the things google does know, it seems only fair you can tell us exactly what it is google doesn't know.

And I really do think there's an answer.

anyway, I hope this helps,

~ as always, Audy

Hi! I'm Drama and I'm here to review... Heehee I think i'm going to like this poem!

She knows the members of One Direction,
Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louie and Harry Styles.

This felt a little out of pace for me. Maybe because harry is the only one that has his last name. Being a fan of One Direction, I know they are not brothers, so you may want to delete that, just to rid some readers who don't know 1D of confusion.

surprisingly to me, there are only four.

She knows the population of China,
One-point-three billion (or a little more!)

Google knows why parachutes slow your fall,
something called Terminal Velocity!

So, I really liked this poem. It was a breath of fresh air, and it made me smile or laugh in parts. Your grammar could use a bit of work (see above) but other than that it was nice. Keep in mind what Audy said though.
~Drama

Oh my goodness, this was so cute.

I love t he poem's ideas and I loved the way you rhymed it and everything. It actually kind of reminds me of Shel Silverstein... a good thing in my boat! Anyway, you'll definitely want to follow Audy's advice on the metering... it's important, honest, and it'll make your poem run that much smoother.

Now! For the content. The only thing that I didn't quite like was the last stanza. It seemed kind of a let down... mostly because you said that it didn't know all, but you didn't tell what it didn't know. So, I think that if you added something that said what Google didn't know, I think it would be a much stronger piece overall. And it would help set the mood more! Right now, the ending leaves on a vague note... however, if you ended by saying something like, "Google doesn't know that there's an alligator coming to your chair" it would be hilarious! And, if you want to make it more serious, you can do that too.

Anyway, just have fun with the last stanza, okay?