Young Writers Society

my grandmother told me stories
of sleeping in the desert,
of scarabs that climbed across her skin as she dreamt,
carving and counting the lines around her eyes,
the spindly wrinkles of her sagging skin.

she said they scuttled away right before dawn,
eager to bring the sun,
but she could feel the scuttle of wings
unfolding, folding,
scraping against one another as they inspected
how many years she’d lived.

Khepri,
she said,
grew the sun like a blossom
over hills of sand,
and carved its light like a man
grinds statues from stone,
twists ingots of gold into rays,
draws water from the river.

he drew the light in with his scarab arms,
and poured through the air like a song,
she said,
like priests praying to Ra,
solemn-faced and cat eyed,
though Khepri brought the dawn.

sometimes, dawn wavered,
though Ra was never weak.
Khepri’s muscles uncoiled like a snake,
and rolled the sun across the sky
like a dream unfolding
on the back of an insect.

she was old, then,
and chipped and cracked
as a dusty statue.
she said the sun warmed her bones
but the nights were cold as death,
warmed only by the scarab legs
skittering across her face.

Hi, Persy! So, I really enjoyed reading this.

First stanza, you have some parts that you could cut out, just because they end up being repetitious, and I'm not sure there's a reason to keep them. See -

my grandmother told me stories
of sleeping in the desert,
of scarabs that climbed across her skin,
carving and counting the lines and
the spindly wrinkles of her sagging skin.

Just a thought, anyway.

Second stanza, the second line "eager to bring the sun," stands out like a sore thumb, but it connects to the next few stanzas, so I'm not sure what to do with it. Also, "unfolding, folding" feels really awkward to read - you could cut it, but I'm not sure on that.

Love this: "and carved its light like a man/grinds statues from stone."

Final stanza, I'm not sure what to do with "as a dusty statue." Yes, it references back to the statue metaphor, but do you need to? "Chipped and cracked" was enough for me to get the reference back to the idea of the "statue."

Overall, I loved your imagery and you have some really great lines. Thanks for the read!