Young Writers Society

I heard that insanity
is more of a repetition
than anything else. Continuing
actions past the used by date
with old hands and thoughts.

I am not insane
I am not irrational

A Geologist tracing his path back
through the layers
predictable as my actions undone.

Objectives, beliefs, self belief
that is spirituality-I contain none
but the first; that is the goal too
vacant cause' I fucked the rest.

And I have said it before (often)
“The day is for labour
The day preludes sleep and causal death”
-so death is equally close
With or without a worker’s ache
Swelling as we sleep

Swelling I wish was there
The smile of agony and achievement dead.

Hey there. I don't know much about poetry, but I'll give it a go.

I read one of your other poems last night, and the flow of words was very pleasing to eye; you have an expansive vocabulary, but you don't seem to go over-the-top with it.
However, the flow of this one was awkward in some places.

This stanza particularly hung me up a few times, partly because the lines themselves are so uneven:

And I have said it before (often)
“The day is for labour
The day preludes sleep and causal death”
-so death is equally close
With or without a worker’s ache
Swelling as we sleep

vacant cause' I fucked the rest. [If this is a shortening of 'because', the apostrophe should go at the front of the word.]

The day preludes sleep and casual death”

I like your overall style of writing. You express thoughts and feelings quite well.

Well, this was pretty awesome, man.

The imagery, the thought in general, is pretty dang stellar. There aren't a lot of things to complain about, but I will say that I had an issue with the first stanza. To me, it felt essay-ish, kind of my typical impressions of things beginning with the words, "I realize that/I've heard that/etc," and it threw me off a little into thinking I wouldn't like the poem. I was wrong about that.

Outside of the first stanza, I thought this was great. And the first stanza isn't bad, either, it's just not my kind of thing. Overall, though, really solid poem.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hi there UrbanNomad. Lol, I love your name. xD

But let's get to reviewing. Okay, I like the topic you're bringing us, it's something not worn out and something newborn and creative. But I feel like this poem is more like a letter. It doesn't have like that touch that makes you know it's a poem (except! for the last line, which was lovely). Poems don't have to rhyme, but this one certainly doesn't flow like... a poem. XD Think about someone reading this to you for the first time as if they wrote it... Get my point?

Though, I have to admit you are indeed great writer, making a topic and explaining a point in a concise perfect way. Kudos!

Keep it up! Sorry if that was harsh... >.<

~Solly<3

@GeeLyria
Yo thanks for the feedback. The username is much more disproportionately cooler than myself, but yeah thankyou. Don't worry about being harsh, I literally wrote this poem today whilst eating a wholegrain sandwich filled with cheese, lettuce and salami. I will most certainly address the issue of flow (I write rap so I should be better at this haha).
Many thanks once more, UrbanNomad

Wow... like... this is REALLY good.
These were y favorite parts:

I heard that insanity
is more of a repetition
than anything else. Continuing
actions past the used by date
with old hands and thoughts.

and

Objectives, beliefs, self belief
that is spirituality-I contain none
but the first; that is the goal too
vacant cause' I fucked the rest.

It flows so well and I like the line breaks, too. And like the last person said, the apostrophe should go before cause. This isn't some cliched poem about something you're glamorizing, you really seem to get it and it's really honest and accurate and real. i also really like the swelling part at the end, especially because the poem kind of swells emotionally, I guess, especially if you can relate. SO good!