Young Writers Society

In those time when you held me and told me that you loved me.
Those words made me happy, I was so glad that I have found someone that cared about me.
Then the foul stench of lies have reached into your heart and turned against me.
You took my heart and ripped it into pieces.
I tried to make you see reason, yet you pushed me away!

How I loved you at that time.

Until you had another behind my back.
How I hated you for breaking my heart, the poison you left in my heart.
Gives me more the reason why I should hate you until the end of time.

Once upon in our life I was your love.

Now, I'm your worst nightmare, yet I know I can't be.
My heart aches, I cried so much and times I felt like life was meaningless.
I cried that I would never love like once did , believing that love would never melt the ice from my heart.
You left a scar, my heart would never mend again.

For I loved you with my whole being and you gave me up so easily.
Even though I still forgave you.

But you left a mark in my life one that will haunt me.
One day. . . Your heart will be broken as well like mines.

Hopefully one day you will learn my pain, my tears, my love, trust.
I don't regret loving you.
Once Upon A Time....

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:In those time when you held me and told me that you loved me.

I don't really understand your use of 'those time' i think you mean 'those times'. And after 'loved me' should be a period, not a comma.

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Those words made me happy, I was so glad that I have found someone that cared about me.

Those words made me happy, and I was [strike]so[/strike] glad that i had found someone that cared [strike]about me[/strike]

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Then the foul stench of lies have reached into your heart and turned against me.

What lies? You go a little sudden. What happened between this girl and her boyfriend?

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:You took my heart and ripped it into pieces.
I tried to make you see reason, yet you pushed me away!

Maybe you could get rid of the !, because it makes it sound a little cheesy.

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:How I loved you at that time.

This is a question, so punctuate it properly.

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Until you had another behind my back.
How I hated you for breaking my heart, the poison you left in my heart.

you use 'heart' twice in one sentence. find another synonym.

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Gives me more the reason why I should hate you until the end of time.

Why I shouldn't hate you?

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Once upon in our life I was your love.

Once upon a time?

Elena_Ravenhill wrote:Now, I'm your worst nightmare, yet I know I can't be.
My heart aches, I cried so much and times I felt like life was meaningless.
I cried that I would never love like once did , believing that love would never melt the ice from my heart.
You left a scar, my heart would never mend again.

For I loved you with my whole being and you gave me up so easily.
Even though I still forgave you.

But you left a mark in my life one that will haunt me.
One day. . . Your heart will be broken as well like mines.

Hopefully one day you will learn my pain, my tears, my love, trust.
I don't regret loving you.
Once Upon A Time....

Okay, this a really great poem - I like the message. It's cute and It could speak to a lot of people. Just fix those grammar mistakes.

Hi!
I was too absorbed in the poem to find mistakes.
I'm not good at this, but the expressive nature of your poem is impressive.
I liked the following lines...

Now, I'm your worst nightmare, yet I know I can't be.

My heart aches, I cried so much and times I felt like life was meaningless.

I cried that I would never love like once did , believing that love would never melt the ice from my heart.

You left a scar, my heart would never mend again.

Keep writing!

beautiful, i loved it. mesmerizing at least for me. The name says it all, leve sacers. Great description

Hey, I loved it! It sounds so real and in the first stanza it painted a picture for me! i loved it keep writing