Young Writers Society

Three different pieces about color, in some way. c:




A ribbon of color
Seemed to course through my body
Extending from my heart
Through every vein
Every artery
Every little capillary
Spouting joy to every pore
First blue
Then purple
Then red and orange
Yellow
A bright and happy yellow
Then green,
Repeating the process
All over again
Reaching my smile and eyes
Bringing light where there
Never has been before
All coming from the hand
That's over my heart
Your hand
That's over my heart.


Vivid hues
Brought down from the sky
Right after a downpour
Now in the sunny side
Seem to dance around you
Like little fireflies
Encircling me too
When our eyes are filled with light
And we just want to hold one another
And never let this rainbow love go.



A rainbow lover
That's what you've always been
Always changing
But never gone
Multi faceted in everything you do
But consistent in every way.
I love you for it
For every part that makes you "you"
Because I know that
You would not be complete without
Your sometimes blue days
Or the earthy green weekends
The early yellow mornings
Or the generic orange workdays
The deep red nights
Or the purple times in between.
Emotions strong for everything
In all that you ever do.
For that drama I always know
That I will forever love you.

Hullo there, Coral! It's me again!

This piece is much happier and bubbly than Tarot Decks of Colors, and to my surprise, I actually like this better! I usually like poems that make me reflect, but this made me really happy, for no apparent reason. Ah well. I'm weird like that xD

Keep writing! You're a really good writer/poet, and you deserve a gold star!

-Rosie =]

Persephonia,

The problem that I'm having with each of these is that there's a lack of connectivity between your images, your words, and the emotion that you're trying to work with here. I find that these lines are sitting, rather than being alive and telling a story to us in their own way. I think that you can do better than this, because right now it feels like you're simply telling us a story.

With colors, the possibilities are nearly endless, as nearly everything in the world has a color. I think that working with the type of images you associated with colors in the last poem here could take you far places should you keep it up and delve deeper into what you began.

Also, watch the active words you use. Keep them in a uniform tense throughout a poem, because when you don't, it makes it seem like you can't keep track of your idea train.

Keep writing,

June

Hi persephoneia,

Your poem was nigh on unreadable. Here's how I'd structure it in an easier way:

A ribbon of color seemed to course through my body,
Extending from my heart, through every vein,
Every artery, Every little capillary,
Spouting joy to every pore.
First blue,
Then purple,
Then red and orange,
Yellow (A bright and happy yellow),
Then green,
Repeating the process all over again.
Reaching my smile and eyes, bringing light
where there never has been before,
All coming from the hand
That's over my heart.
Your hand
(That's over my heart).

As you can see, the way you have it currently is too messy and without punctuation and it becomes really difficult to read. I'll leave others to approach your language and ideas.

Hi persy!

I love this poem to bits! It was so clever how you tied in the colours to demonstrate times, memories, feelings. It was such an enjoyable read. I don't usually read long pieces because I'm just that lazy :S but I wanted to try something new this time. I'm glad I did

I couldn't see any slip ups anywhere... oh wow that was just amazing!

Deanie x