Young Writers Society

Haha! This made me laugh. This was awesome. It was not only humorous, but so true! It's a poem that makes one laugh, causes one to nod their head in understanding, and leave with perhaps a little more than they came with. (The latter referring to the last stanza.) This was really quite clever, I enjoyed reading it. Well done!

"jock where are you, jock?"

fear.........

I'm so confused. It was very very humorous, though i felt that word choice caused it to be limited.

Hi alfred

I'm not really very good with critiquing poetry I just like to read it so bear that in mind when you read this!

I liked most of the content of the poem, especially the first stanza, I'm just not sure about the way you structured the poem as a whole. The first line of the first two stanzas for example..

What do I fear?

Why do I fear?
I fear because

These lines didn't seem needed to me. We know from the next line which begins 'I fear' that this stanza is about what you fear. Or maybe changing it to 'What do you fear?' would be a good way of inviting the reader to compare this poem to themselves making it more personal and relatable to each reader?

I also think that you could start the second stanza simply from 'my heart might...'

Why do I fear?
I fear because
When I see these
Many, many things

To me, this section sounds like it stops the poem from flowing nicely and makes it sound quite stilted. The description which follows:

my heart might
Tingle wildly,
Vibrate like a transistor,
Radiate like bio-hazard fluids,
Ready to explode like a bomb,
Burst into confetti,

needs no introduction as the reasons you fear, or what happens when you see these things.

The only other thing I noticed was that it seemed like you might have missed a full stop at the end of stanza two, but I wasn't sure if that was purposful?

Other than the structure I really liked it though! I thought it was funny and quite different. I read the title and thought it would be quite a dark poem but I was very pleasantly surprised

I hope I was a little helpful, feel free to aks if you're unsure about anything I've written.
Keep up the good writing!

-Cielo-

This was interesting. Started out funny and enturtanging than got a little serious, followed by meaning that made you think and you ended it funny to lighten the mood after all the meaningful stuff that may have gotten to the reader. This was a story of life in a way. It tells about fear but how faer can be silly like when we are little but than as you read on or as we grow up the fears get more serious and less silly. This was very well written Good job!

Well, it was funny, and entertaining well done in general, just I always see two big flaws on YWS: punctuation and capitalization. Just because it's a poem doesn't mean it has commas at the end of every line, and every first letter needs to be capitalized, HUGE FALLACY, neither of those are true. So fix those two things, and you've done a stellar job. Keep Writing!

Haha, loved it! I liked how each section coincided with each other! It was confusing but I suppose, each fear, of course being irrational would be confusing. Your conclusion was wonderful, it worked, strangely enough, with the first two sections. It was like turning on a lamp in a dark room and seeing that our fears were nothing, and that the fear we had earlier felt was just a hindrance. Great work!!

I love your humor and witt keep at it, this made me laugh really hard. Loves the color change in the text by the way as it progressed. Perfect length by the way.

Haha, I don't quite get it! XD But I still feel laughter which makes it special! Humorous in a strange way....a lighthearted tone given to a solemn matter, fear, definitely a curious endeavor... hmm...The first poem sets up a comical tone, with its seemingly idiotic set of fear, then, while still keep an up-beat comical tone, you go into how that fear makes you feel, the heart bursting could be a fear in itself, but in the way you describe it, it's still very funny, and then with the next poem you go into how fear turns into bravery, while still being upbeat, when most people talking about this concept turns serious. Confusing, if you don't follow the chain of events...I'm still not quite sure if I got it right here....but well executed, and humorous in it's own way. Definitely a winning poem!

You have a million reviews to this and usually i would not review it again, because it would mean another person added to the dozen who have already reviewed your work, but i felt a very large need to do so.

Al Meow Your work is so funny i had to put my hand over my mouth, it may partly have to do with the fact that i am a little hysterical atm, but your work still made me laugh.
Its funny, and still holds some sort of... i don't know... like some sort of real and genuine meaning to something. Maybe not of your own feelings but of other peoples.

I don't know if you will bother but i think you would be the perfect person to write a poem about Phobias, you will be absolutely AMAZED by the amount of phobias people have, and you without any doubt would be the perfect someone to pull it off. That of course is up to you.

Good Day bub

Hudz
XXXX

HAHAHA this made me laugh so much but it so true. It is so amazing and interesting to read.
At first I was a bit confused but then I found my way through! You are such an amazing writer.
Very interesting yet very true Poem!

Keep up the great work!

It was a very nice poem although it was very long so I had some trouble understanding and concentrating on it.