Young Writers Society

Thought I'd write something un-love related that I'd submit here. Hope you enjoy it. I've taken this from my own experience with losing a dear friend to peer pressure. Things had gotten to a point where I thought I should just write about it. I'm sure that everyone has/will dealt/will deal with this once in their life and-who knows?-maybe you're that misguided friend? I'm in an awfully nostalgic mood today. :/ Please forgive the solemn mood. Read on and critique brutally! Like it if you enjoyed reading it! And follows and friends are also welcome. :]

~

You are my best friend.
You've kept my secrets,
caused laughter that has seen no end,
as well as moments that neither will forget...

At the age of five,
we'd climb bars of woven iron,
runaway from bee hives,
and make mud pies...

At the age of eight,
we'd been to each others' houses.
At the parties we'd eat cake,
and shriek with joy
as we sang "Happy Birthday."

At the age of twelve,
things started changing...
but you always stayed the same.
You remained sane as the others left,
leaving a hole in my heart
that only you could fill...

Fast forward from the flashbacks
to the backstabbing and catty comebacks.
Where has the love between us gone?
Everything is different,
everything is changing,
and you're no longer the same.

We talk as if nothing were going on,
but we both know
that there is a war we're both fighting.
I try to tell you,
yet you say nothing's wrong.
This is something I can't win.

I want to go back;
back in time,
when we were five,
making mud pies,
flying kites,
and a missing crayon
would be the source of our fights.

Hard to believe
that there was a time
that I could happily say,
"We are Best Friends."

I like it. It starts out sweet and then turns kind of sad with a sudden but natural transition.
One thing though:
You start out with a four line stanza with the first and third lines rhyming. Then the third stanza is five lines but with still the same rhymes.
Then for the fourth stanza you've dropped the rhymes for the rest of the poem. Maybe the rhymes weren't intentional? If that's the case you may want to change it a little.

But apart from that, there's nothing really that I found wrong with it. Well done.

You have just made me cry using a poem!
*Sniff* This was so sad! Only, I agree with the person before me. You need to have a rhyme scheme or no rhyme at all. You've mixed it up a bit. Though, even I did that while writing a poem about my best friend so I can kind of understand why you did it. I have very few nitpicks but I feel ashamed reviewing this because it's so sad. *Bows head in shame*

You are my best friend.
You've kept my secrets,
caused laughter that has seen no end,
as well as moments that neither will forget...

(When I read the third line, I could just imagine two people rolling around on the floor, clutching their stomachs and laughing until tears came out of their eyes.)

At the age of five,
we'd climb bars of woven iron,
runaway from bee hives,
and make mud pies...

At the age of eight,
we'd been to each other's houses.
At the parties we'd eat cake,
and shriek with joy
as we sang "Happy Birthday."

At the age of twelve,
things started changing...
but you always stayed the same.
You remained sane as the others left, (Sane? I don't think that fits too well over here.)
leaving a hole in my heart
that only you could fill...

Fast forward from the flashbacks
to the backstabbing and catty comebacks.
Where has the love between us gone?
Everything is different,
everything is changing,
and you're no longer the same.

We talk as if nothing were is going on,
but we both know
that there is a war we're both fighting.
I try to tell you,
yet you say nothing's wrong.
This is something I can't win.

I want to go back;
back in time,
when we were five. (Comma instead of full stop, I think.)
Mmaking mud pies,
flying kites,
and a missing crayon
would be the source of our fights.

(These two (above and below) were my favorite stanzas from the entire poem.)

Hard to believe
that there was a time
that I could happily say,
"We are Best Friends."

Overall, good job! It was a very touching poem and all your feelings were conveyed through it. *Sniff* Tears are still falling out of my eyes. It was amazing.
~HPR~

This is such a touching poem! I have had an experience like this and i understand the pain that goes through. Its such a terrible feeling, but you have transformed it into a beautiful poem. Continue writing and never give up!

You do really good poetry I'd like to see me of this stuff keep up the good work

This makes me appreciate having my best friends to a great limit. I think this is a poem that shows how much we should appreciate the ones who love and care for us and we should always cherish our time with them because you don't when you could just lose one close to you. I love, love, love this poem. I wish I could take this and give it to a friend but that would plagiarism lol. Good job and keep writing.