Young Writers Society

The world is traveling
Miles and miles a second
And we just sit.

Time is flying
So fast we can't see it
Go by.
And we sit.
Why?

Why don't we stand
And strive
And save?
Why don't we do something,
Anything
Important?

We should live life
When we can
And we should fight
When we can't.

I really liked the idea of this poem. The words were a little plain, but the message was powerful. The ending was the best part, and if the whole poem had that much ring and clever-ness (am I even making sense?) it'd be amazing. I guess what I'm saying is find original words and phrases to use.

We should live life
When we can
And we should fight
When we can't.

I shall quote the ending because it will be echoing in my head all night. It's beautiful, and powerful, and really gets the point across. The phrase "and we sit" is very good too, but some of the other lines could use work.

Why don't we stand
And try
And help?
Why don't we do something
Important?

For example, this stanza. The words themselves are meaningful and I absolutely love the rhythm you have, but they're not very unique. I know you have the talent and ability to make them uber-special!!

I hope I helped, even just a little bit

-Dai

I really like this, and it has an amazing message. I agree completely, and I love how you could be talking about anything. I mean, this poem could be telling us to go change the world, or you could be talking about something so much smaller than that. In any case, it's true.
My only problem is the flow. this is really choppy. Also, I don't like the period after sit. Anyway, I just realized how late it is, so I need to sleep. Besides, I don't really have any good reviewing to give you. Just try to smooth this out some, maybe it flow. Otherwise, great job!

Last stanza is my favorite.

Hey T!!!!!! Dogs here with your review today! I really really like this piece! It is simple, short, well spoken, and it has a strong message. You have accomplished all of these in such a short poem which is not an easy task at all. Well done!

Sorry I don't really find much of anything to critique so i'll just say KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!



TuckEr EllsworTh