Young Writers Society

Leaning against the wall
with scratched hands and flesh
eyes half-opened and looked down
she'll be alone.

Covered by her grief
Shadowed by the meaningless fear
there she hide.

Black and blackened by the night
she crawled to her safest place
with mumbling echos surround her
no pity for the innocent one

There among the grey concrete
tears she shed
liters that the rock started to soften

Cracked upon the blinding darkness
light pierced and shattered
offering a fountain of believe
for she whom lost in herself

Wow, I really loved it! I'm in shock at how much emotion I pulled from the first line. Though in this stanza:

Cracked upon the blinding darkness
light pierced and shattered
offering a fountain of believe
for she whom lost in herself

The

(...)offering a fountain of believe(...)

I was thrown out from the strange wording. Maybe instead of believe you could use the fountain of belief.

My favorite part was:

she'll be alone.

Covered by her grief
Shadowed by the meaningless fear
there she hide.

That is exactly how it feels when there is grief. This really fit my mood when I read it. Since I lost a friend lately and the other is in the hospital. The one in the hospital will be fine, and if it would be okay with you, I'd like to give her this poem on a card. That okay?

Deathcurrent

Thank you so much for your comment!
Yes, I agree that the word should be belief. I really appreciate your comment for me to improve my English. For your information, i am taking English as my third language and was hoping that this website can help me.
You can have the poem for her.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that everything will be okay.

Fantastic, I loved every bit of it. Each piece did not stand alone, it flowed well. All part of a whole that was quite a pleasure to read. Even the short pieces like,"she'll be alone" served as a solid bridge between the foundation (visual descriptions) and the building stanzas (the emotions). But you leave me slightly unsatisfied, write more

Thank you. i will write more as writing is my passion. Thank you.