Young Writers Society

Smoke Screen

I stand, proud,
Surrounded by the shambles of my glass house.
Glinting off the splinters,
I glimpse the reflection of my mask,
Hovering on the surface -
So thin,
So feeble.
I wonder how they miss
The signs and signals,
The red flags,
The white flags
Fluttering in my eyes.
But how can they?
With my concealer
Packed onto my face
And their labels plastered around my waist,
They can’t see past my camouflage.

Dear amygabb,

amygabb wrote:

Smoke Screen

I stand, proud,
Surrounded by the shambles of my glass house. I love the metaphor!!
Glinting off the splinters,
I glimpse the reflection of my mask,
Hovering on the surface -
So thin,
So feeble.
I wonder how they miss
The signs and signals,
The red flags,
The white flags <could you please explain the meaning of having two different color flags. I would suggest removing one but I have a feeling there is a point in having the two.
Fluttering in my eyes.
But how can they?
With my concealer
Packed onto my face
And their labels plastered around my waist,
They can’t see past my camouflage. <<<<I love this line!!!

I am in love with this poem!!!! It is so good!!! Please keep writing!!
<3

I really enjoy how you use fantastic vocabulary choice. However, I had trouble figuring out where you were getting at, what you were trying to say, and what you wanted the reader/audience to know. I think if you'd rewrite it with more detail and explanation, this lyric piece would be a hit. Great effort though.

Great poem. I love the obvious emotion that you display yet you don't reveal exactly what you are talking about at all. I think it's about the need to wear a publicly acceptable "mask" or personality but I could be wrong. I really liked this peice. No faults in it for me. Once again you have come up with a complex, well-written, relatable poem that was a joy to read.