Young Writers Society

Okay so I kinda wrote this in a rush, when I was pretty angry. So I'm sorry if it's off, I haven't revised it at all (I probably need quite a bit of it) so don't spare my feelings, I know it's just a first draft . Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this! <3

We’re all as alone as we choose to be.
Surrounded only by darkness we choose to see.
Hearing only the words we choose to hear.
Manipulating the messages until they’re clear.

We want to be level with what we understand.
We want everything to go according to plan.
And if things start to trip or thing start to fall,
We take the bait and just rearrange it all.

Arrange it in our minds, till it’s what we want.
Knowing somewhere that we won’t get caught.
Cause who really cares what the motives were?
And really the outcome too is a blur.

Because history is history,
And we’re all as blind as we choose to be.
Doomed simply to repeat,
Because we refused to learn what used to be.

The impression I get from this is that it is very raw but very good, i think if you used a broader variety of vocabulary you could improve it:) i really liked it and feel that i can relate to it on a deeply personal level.

I thought this was a great poem full of insight and truth that I really resonated with! And your rhyme was off to a good start in the first two stanzas then got off track:

Arrange it in our minds, till it’s what we want.
Knowing somewhere that we won’t get caught.
Cause who really cares what the motives were?
And really the outcome too is a blur.

Like here

Because history is history,
And we’re all as blind as we choose to be.
Doomed simply to repeat,
Because we refused to learn what used to be.

And here

It breaks the flow and sounds messy. But overall it's a fantastic poem! Reminds me so much of me. Please write more!
Sincerely,
Klotrox

We’re all as alone as we choose to be.
Surrounded only by darkness we choose to see.
Hearing only the words we choose to hear.
Manipulating the messages until they’re clear.

Ending every line with a period here really breaks up the flow of ideas. Remember that periods separate one idea from another different idea, so to a reader, seeing a period is a signal that there's a new idea coming up. Except, in this case, what comes up is a continuation of the idea in the previous line, which doesn't make sense.

Punctuation is very important in poetry, and it generally adheres to the conventions of regular writing. You use commas elsewhere in the poem, which only makes me wonder why there are no commas here.

I agree with klotrox on the rhyme falling apart at the end. Your rhythm, which was mostly consistent in the first two stanzas, suddenly evaporates, and so the rhymes suffer as a result.

As far as the actual content goes, nothing about it struck me as spectacular. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't presented in a particularly interesting way. Making it interesting would involve quite a lot of work, but unless you intend on making this more than a venting poem, it's fine as-is.