Young Writers Society

Hello! So here's my latest and greatest expressing my recent emotions. Did i ever mention how hard it is to write positive emotions in a poem?! IT'S GOD NEAR IMPOSSIBLE! so i kinda related it to Neverland and incorporated my emotions around that concept. Typically i never write about emotions cause usually i regret writing about them when i look back at it... but regardless... here it is! Thanks!!!!


Every time we embrace,
you take me to that far away place.
Where we can walk hand in hand,
and I find myself in never, Neverland.

That world where everything is our own.
Just you and me, please never leave me alone.
We can walk on the beach holding hands,
in our beautiful never, Neverland.

You can say "close your eyes",
"tell me what you see".
I see only two people,
Just you and me.

Always and forever are
these moments with you.
They will be like a dream,
that somehow came true.

Oh how I wish I could be,
in the special place.
As I lie on the ground
and stare into space.

So can we please now, embrace
and run away to our special place.
Close your eyes and take my hand,
and lead me into our never, Neverland





TuckEr EllsworTh

I see what you mean about how hard it is to write about positive things. This was an okay kind of poem, even though it was a bit cliche but I believe that you knew how corny it would sound anyway. One part seemed a bit forced

That world where everything is our own.
Just you and me, please never leave me alone.

It seemed a bit forced.

It was an okay poem though
It didn't suck or anything

I like your poem allot, although one thing that keeps taking me out of the story is you repeatedly say:

Never, Neverland

In my opinion, the poem would flow better if you just said 'Neverland'.

Hi Dogs,

This is a nice simple poem and despite being of an imaginative and creative tone, is not without its share of flaws. I love the concept of neverland and keeping moments frozen forever. However, I feel you could have done more to make this poem far greater than what it really is. Try playing around with the words a bit more and don't recycle so much with the rhymes otherwise the novelty of the poem decreases.
Seeing as you find positive things to be hard to write about, this attempt does bring some degree of positiveness. Keep practicing more and you'll make wonderful poems. You've already done a great job with this. So keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza

Locked. Plagiarized.

http://www.1lovepoems.com/pa23.shtml

http://www.lovepoemsandquotes.com/LovePoem33.html

http://www.1lovepoems.com/dreamland.shtml