spinning constinstly in a never ending cycle.i see things pass by me,i watch things fade & others easily replaced.i grow more and more confused.im on a track that takes me all over. im forgetting everything losing track of where i am,struggling to find myself in this mess. how is this possible?all i see are flashes of what occurs.am i alone?have i forgotten everything?who am i?does change mean losing yourself possibly for something worse or improving yourself for the better? ...what challenges does change bring along .. change is something to be respectably feared, not to be taken lightly.. change is mostly for the good but can be bad in some ways.. if misused or for the wrong purpose. change is inevitable as we all know. if guided well with patience and if able to endure its results 'ups & downs' ... it can be a wonderful thing with outstanding results in the end .. change affects everyone and everything .. life is about constant change ..
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No, this is not bad at all. The subject is great and your writing is really good. The thing is that... it doesn't look like a poem. Take this sentences and make organize them in stanzas. Also, there's a thingy with the grammar, nothing bad really... all I's should be uppercase when you use them as a pronoun. And another thing is... I recommend you to not put color to your words, it distracts the reader. But overall, you did a great job!
Keep writing!
~Solly<3
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego
"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."
Seconding GeeLyria on the "best not color your text because it makes it difficult to read" thing. In my case, considering I'm partially green-blind, it made it very difficult for me to read your piece.
On a different note, I see you've tried your hand at a prose poem. This makes me happy. Prose poems are so under-appreciated, probably because they're so difficult to do right.
In your case, the language was too simple and straightforward to really feel like a prose poem. Prose poetry still needs to contain poetic devices, such as internal rhyme, consonance, assonance, alliteration, etc. even though/especially since it lacks enjambment. Creative imagery is also a pretty big part of what makes a prose poem poetic, and right now, there isn't much by the way of imagery going on.
Having proper grammar also helps your presentation, which right now, is not so great. Considering that how a poem is presented impacts how it is read by your readers, having a good presentation is very important.
Try and incorporate more descriptions and varied vocabulary, as well as including more poetic devices. Also, try and present your poem in the most reader-friendly way you can by avoiding the use of colored text and proofreading before posting.
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