Young Writers Society

Pathological Liar

I met you,
(Truth)
I liked you.
(Truth)
You liked me too.
(Lies.)

You told you me you loved me –
(Lies.)
How can I believe that’s true?
(It’s lies.)

We talked,
(Truth)
We laughed,
(Truth)
But then you balked.
(Away from your lies.)

How can I trust you,
(Love you,)
If you only tell lies,
(So many lies,)
And make me cry?
(All your lies…)

I loved this poem! But you could've made it longer and more in depth. What did he do to hurt you? And dont do the parenthesis around like (truth) put another line in like You told the truth and then the first time he lies say The first of many lies you would tell/ told I hope this helped and i would like to see more work from you ^_^

Hi there, Justagirl.

Hmm... I like the concept of the poem and what you want to bring us. But it's really simple. What is written inside the parentheses is indeed important, otherwise, what is the point of the poem? xD Lol. But if you re-write this, I would suggest you to edit it, making the whole parentheses thingy more interesting. That'd make it more catchy, and it would attract your readers. Though, I know the feeling, lol, horribly ambivalent, right?

Good job!

~Solly<3

Hai! ^_^ I has come to shred review your work XD

Actually, it's a great poem and there's not much that you need to improve on. I loved how short the stanzas were and the things in brackets. (That reminds me, what's the difference between brackets and parenthesis thingy? Is it just a British/American thing?) It's like they were nice little comments by the reader. I loved it because it also showed the emotion in it (and that's what made it really realistic).

There's not much to improve, really!

I think the thing that'd be great is that if it was a bit longer... a stanza or two? Because it is really short and as... someone said, can't remember who now, it could've been a bit longer, a bit in depth, so we can feel more.

Another thing - don't let it ruin the poem in case it does XD - is that I'd have liked to have seen some metaphors and similes about how you felt about it all. Did you feel angry? Hurt? Betrayed? We could already feel the emotion, but perhaps to see it or know what it feels like.

But otherwise, I loved it, and I think it was Fantastic!

Mac