Young Writers Society

<Ok I know it has a rough start but I was just sitting in my room listening to a song and I just started typing out how it made me feel. I hope you guys like it >

This song I’m listening to makes me feel happy in the saddest way.
It makes me want something I don’t have,
But it makes me happy to know people have felt that way.
They’ve felt like one person can give them purpose,
Light up their world,
Give them something to live for.

They care about that person more then they care about themselves.
They would do anything to save them,
Make them happy,
See them smile.

All I see is people who are in love,
Who are so caught up in the other person they forget about everyone else.
The people who love and get it in return,
The people who kiss in the midst of a crowd,
The people who hold hands,
Who jokingly push each other,
Who embrace each other,
Who smile when thinking about each other,
Who want each other so much that every hug isn’t close enough.

Everything you ever heard or read is about falling in love,
and how it hurts but at the same time its perfect.
Nothing compares to how happy that person makes you feel,
But also nothing compares to how easily they can break you down,
But it’s about pushing through that.

What’s love if you don’t feel it?
What’s love if it doesn’t hurt?
What’s love if you don’t end up happy?

All I want is to fall in love.
To find someone worth living for.
To have it be worth it.
To be broken down.

I know I have to wait,
But it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for something that will never happen.
It hurts so much to wait for something that will make you feel in a way you’ve never felt before,
To imagine it.
To want it.
To see it all around, and still not have it.

It breaks me down to want it so much,
But it also keeps me alive.
It gives me something to hope for,
To wish for,
To long for,
To go after and finally get...

They say it happens when you least expect it,
But I feel like I’m always expecting, and it’s hard not too.

Everyone goes through life missing a piece of themselves,
Until they find that person.
To fill the hole in their heart,
To bring a smile to their lips,
To make them feel like they’re walking on water,
All the time.

I want someone to love me just as much as I love them,
To stay up at night thinking about me,
To count every second until they can see me again,
To miss my hand in theirs when we’re apart.

I feel weak,
Sad,
Broken.

I’m in need of something,
Someone,
But I have to wait.

But I know the longer I wait the bigger the rush when it happens,
The better his lips will taste,
The stronger the feelings will be,
The harder the fall will be,
When my heart breaks.

But that’s life I guess,
Waiting.
Being patient.
Learning lessons.
Falling and getting back up.
Wanting and having.
Finding something to live for.

Music makes us feel,
And that's why were drawn to it so much.
It sparks new ideas, gives us hope,
but most of all it makes us want.
So listen on and be inspired.
And maybe one day that song that made you want someone so much,
Will be the song you dance to at your wedding.

I liked this poem a lot! In fact, I found myself trying to sing the words rather than read them aloud.

Anyways, actually, by trying to do that I found out that your rhythm is very sketchy. There are really long lines and then there are really short lines, even one-word lines, and then there'll be ten-word lines again. It doesn't appeal to the reader and it does not help, by the way, when I am trying to sing this thing, man! You could fix a lot of lines breaks and then it would sound a whole lot better.

This song I’m listening to makes me feel happy in the saddest way.
It makes me want something I don’t have,

I know you know it was a rough start, but one thing that kind of annoyed me about the first line is that you mention the song right up front and that's what kind of sets the topic in my mind. Then, throughout the rest of the poem, you don't actually mention that you're listening to a song again, and since it's such a long poem, it really confuses you at the beginning. Also, I notice your topic kind of wavers through the whole thing. Either stick to the topic of the song, or what it's about, or what it makes you feel, or what that feeling's all about, not try to jumble it all together so it doesn't make sense.

If you tell me you’re alive right now,
You’re really dead.
So just wait it out with me, ‘cause that’s all we can do.

It doesn't end very well either. I mean, I thought we were talking about love and stuff, not you being dead! How does that even make sense? I think it would be best to either explain that a whole lot more, or just leave it out, which is the far easier option. The lines right before that, "finding something to live for" makes a perfect ending by itself. Really, that sounds great!

Well, great job on spelling, caps, all that. I didn't see any errors of that sort!
I'd love to read *sing* some more poems of yours, so keep writing!

Hello, I'm Nike. Today I stopped by your poem because of your avatar. It's so cute! I love the Little Mermaid ha-ha. Anyway, here's my review. I don't really review poems, just thought I'd let you know. I'll review by the paragraph.

This song I’m listening to makes me feel happy in the saddest way.
It makes me want something I don’t have,
But it makes me happy to know people have felt that way.
They’ve felt like one person can give them purpose,
Light up their world,
Give them something to live for.

The beginning is kind of... sketchy. It's bland. I like this part, it is a good beginning for a poem that you wrote just our of the blue. Saying, "... makes me feel happy in the saddest way." is a bit non original. A lot of people use this saying. But it is confusing - how can you be happy but sad at the same time?

They care about that person more then they care about themselves.
They would do anything to save them,
To make them happy,
To see them smile.

Now this part makes me want to stop reading. Make it more interesting. Subtle. Make it like a mystery in a way, a poem should be detailed but subtle. Try that. Instead of adding "To" before make and see, just delete it. A poem should be beautiful, don't add extra fixes.

All I see is people who are in love,
Who are so caught up in the other person they forget about everyone else.
The people who love and get it in return,
The people who kiss in the midst of a crowd,
The people who hold hands,
Who jokingly push each other,
Who embrace each other,
Who smile when thinking about each other,
Who want each other so much that every hug isn’t close enough.

I'm getting the feel of a short story instead of a poem form all the detail. I like this paragraph though, because of the images that flash through my mid as I read.

Everything you ever heard or read is about falling in love,
and how it hurts but at the same time its perfect.
Nothing compares to how happy that person makes you feel,
But also nothing compares to how easily they can break you down,
But it’s about pushing through that.

This paragraph has a lot of emotion. A rapid switch from happy to sad, I didn't even expect it. That's great. And you forgot the 'd' at the end of 'heard'.

What’s love if you don’t feel it?
What’s love if it doesn’t hurt?
What’s love if you don’t
End
Up
Happy?

Making 'End Up Happy' separate makes it feel blocky. Like, it feels weird when I read. Try something else with that please. This paragraph is great, how short and sweet it is, the lack of detail is ideal.

All I want is to fall in love.
To be broken down.
To have it be worth it.
To find someone worth living for.

You should switch 'To be broken down' and 'to find someone worth living for' so it could be like good to bad. It'll make more sense. Good with the lack of detail, short and sweet.

I know I have to wait,
But it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for something that will never happen.
It hurts so much to wait for something that will make you feel in a way you’ve never felt before,
To imagine it.
To want it.
To see it all around, and still not have it.

Nice, nice, nice.

It breaks me down to want it so much,
But it also keeps me alive.
It gives me something to hope for,
To wish for,
To long for,
To go after and finally get...

Add the extra period at the end, you forgot it. I like this paragraph.

They say it happens when you least expect it
But I feel like I’m always expecting, and it’s hard not to.

Good.

Everyone goes through life missing a piece of themselves,
Until they find that person.
To fill the hole in their heart,
To bring a smile to their lips,
To make them feel like they’re walking on water,
All
The
Time.

It's choppy again, change the 'All The Time' thing please. Other than that, nice emotion. I can feel it come through your piece to me.

I want someone to love me just as much as I love them,
To stay up at night thinking about me,
To count every second until they can see me again,
To miss my hand in theirs when we’re apart.

This is just too cute.

I feel weak,
And sad,
And broken.

Delete the 'and' 's. You do not need them.

I’m in need of something,
Someone,
But I have to wait.

I think you should separate 'But I have to wait. From the whole paragraph. It should be on it's own, like right after the paragraph, to shock us.

But I know the longer I wait the bigger the rush when it happens,
The better his lips will taste,
The stronger the feelings will be,
The harder the fall will be,
When
My
Heart
Breaks.

CHOPPY! DON'T DO THAT! It ruins the emotion! 'When My Heart Breaks' make it better. The paragraph is great, filled with a rush of emotion until the choppiness cuts it off.

But that’s life I guess,
Waiting.
Being patient.
Learning lessons.
Falling and getting back up.
Wanting and having.
Finding something to live for.

Cute.

Music makes us feel,
And that's why were drawn to it so much.
It sparks new ideas, gives us hope,
but most of all it makes us want.
So listen on and be inspired.
And maybe one day that song that made you want someone so much,
Will be the song you dance to at your wedding.

Great ending, it makes a great closing to a great poem. I used great three times. Your Poem is 3 X GREAT!

OVERALL: I loved this poem. It had a perfect amount of emotion and a poetic feel. You should write more like this. I would love to read more and more and more! PM me if you want me to review something!

Keep Writing!

Nike