Young Writers Society

As promised... Part 2 of the Winter poem series lol. You can check out my other poem on my portfolio "sea of snow" if you want to see that one. You don't have to read it to understand this one. Anyways I decided "why not, I guess I'll just root both of them in greek mythology" cause Greek Mythology is definitely the best!!! Well anyways... notice how in the bad poem everything was feeling and sound and how the snow felt. Everything in this poem is all visual. Do enjoy!!


Stars rain from the skies
to cover their mistress before her arise.
Diamonds fill the soft winter air,
as they descend to the ground, sitting lonely and bare.

Gaia beams as the snow shelters her face
and sews together with effortless grace.
Now they go and embroider her chest.
Stitching together to form a lavished dress.

Her diamond gown shimmers and shines
around her enchanting body, that it entwines.
Her silver eyes glimmer and glow
in this perfect world, made of snow.

On Gaia's hair sits a tiara of ice,
to all nature she does entice
with her body that so freely she gives,
for any and all to live.

In Gaia's elegant dress she sines,
with enchantment and beauty divine.
A gentle wind blows her silver hair
as it glides in the gentle winter air.


TuckEr EllsworTh

I really loved this poem. I think that the rhyming is wonderful and love how you talk about Gaia. I wasn't sure, but I thought that Gaia was spelt a different way? You are probably right though. It really is cool how you visualize it by talking about "Gaia's elegant dress she sines". It is a really amazing poem!

Hello, Tucker! Rose here!

Since I reviewed the first winter poem, I figured that I should do this one as well. Personally, I am much more of a fan of this one than the other. This one is just so much prettier and easier to read. The way you wrote it reminded me of snow falling. However, I do have a couple of issues with it.

Stars rain from the skies
to cover their mistress before her arise.

I'm a huge fan of the first line, but you lost me on the second one, particularly at the end of it. "Her arise" just sounds off to me; it comes off feeling like you needed a word to rhyme with the end of the first line, and that was what you came up with. Perhaps it's just me, but it's how I feel.

Diamonds fill the soft winter air,
as they descend to the ground, sitting lonely and bare.

I adore the first line and most of the second one. I don't like the end of the second line. The words 'lonely' and 'bare' sound negative, and they distract from the positive feelings you're expressing in the rest of the poem.

Her diamond gown shimmers and shines
around her enchanting body, that it entwines.

I think you should delete the comma between the words 'body' and 'that'.

A gentle wind blows her silver hair
as it glides in the gentle winter air.

Wonderful ending! I might normally object to the usage of the word 'gentle' in such a short period of time, but I think that you pulled it off here.

As always, great work, Tucker! Always keep writing!

-Rose

Helllooww Tucker!

What a beautifully enchanting tale....definately a far fetch from Sea of Snow, of which wow! I LOVED how much depth your rung out a bleak winter day.

Both peoms seem to stand on their own and be equally as enticing. Winter Air reminded me of when I've driven past houses decorated for christmas with all white lights strung around it. They were decorated to stunning perfection, nothing too subtle as well as not overly bright, but just enough to leave you staring dazed at such a delightful sight that honestly looked like glistening diamonds in the night!

I'm rhyming all over the place JEEEEZ!! LOL! XD

Anyways, this poem is laced together in the same light to me and I love the way you described the snow as diamonds, too, and just the way you painted the picture was wonderful! Very cool. There's nothing bad I have to say 'bout it. Keep writing and sharing, you've got mad skills.

~Ceely

Great work! I'm starting with what would usually be my ending-line here because you changed the way I see the world . Cool visuals, cold, even - lots of sparkles, a quiet peacefulness and that rare beauty - rhyme! Certainly an immediate winner in my eyes - there is very little in modern poetry.

Quick suggestion - since you have Gaia in the poem, what about a few other Greek gods? She seems rather lonely to me so what about sending in someone like Zephyr, Aurora, Chloris, Flora or anyone else to comfort her? Not really necessary, but Gaia seems rather isolated to me

Otherwise, great work!

Hey, Tucker!!

I loved the last winter poem a lot and I love this one even more. And yes, it's got a lot of good quality in terms of imagery and description. You've truly captured the essence of being surrounded by snow, which makes me feel so jealous 'cause I don't get snow here! Dx lol. You've used a lot great tasteful words that captivate the mind's eye and it shows your knack to entertain with words.

As always, your rhyming schemes and the word choice are brilliant. But there were some cases where the rhythm of the lines were missed. The thing about rhyme is that you need to concentrate on syllable count in each line. As long as the syllable count is equal in the respective rhyming sentences, the the flow and the rhythm will automatically fall into place. There were only a few spots in the poem where I found this though, but that didn't put me down into reading it a bunch of times!

As always, you never fail to give better poems. And though this may not be your best, you are getting pretty close. Like always, keep the ink flowing, man! You are definitely a talent to watch out for.

Murtuza

Thanks so much for the great comments and likes everyone!!!!! I really appreciate it! Ok so, Rose, thank you so much for your comment and suggestions, i totally agree in your first suggestion it sounds totally forced. Partially because it is. I'll work something better out. Thank you Aloha for your kind review, I'll be sure to review the next thing you put out . Thanks Barefoot and I really should have added more gods and godess's because at some points i kinda just drag on about how lovly she looks. I kinda got a little lazy lol but at some point in time i might throw in a couple extra stanzas. Thanks so much for your awsome reviews and always murtuza! Typically i just write my poem and then do minor corrections and them post it on here and then fix all other corrections you guys tell me and then i really stare at my poem and fix all the rhyming problems, so i should do the staring probably before i post lol. But thank you guys soooo much you all made my day!

I love this poem, but I'd try not to use words that make people run to a dictionary, for example 'Gaia' and Lavished. Other than that I love it and keep writing like that.