Young Writers Society

i always thought you were the one.
i thought you were going to be there for me.
i thought you were my bestfriend.
i felt more for you.
i always thought you were the one.
i miss your big brown eyes.
i miss your glances across the room.
i just plainy miss you.
i always thought you were the one.
then one day you just stopped.
then i knew, you were not the one.
but none of that matters because youre gone now.
i let you slip out of my fingers.
i misss you. <|3 A.P.O.

Sad...

Badly punctuated...is this intentional? You're distracted or crying so you hammer this out without paying attention to capitalisation, &c? Or maybe it's supposed to be sort of in texting style?

If not, here:

I always thought you were the one.
I thought you were going to be there for me.
I thought you were my best friend.
I felt more for you.
I always thought you were the one.
I miss your big brown eyes.
I miss your glances across the room.
I just plain(no y) miss you.
I always thought you were the one.
Then one day you just stopped.
Then i knew, you were not the one.
But none of that matters because you're gone now.
I let you slip out of my fingers.
I misss you. <|3 A.P.O.

Did you mean to have three s's? It doesn't really work; it makes it seem little girlish and shallow IMO.

Very sad; very concise. Lots of people go through this, and so it's very relatable. And you put it simply and don't go on and on. So, well done.

Hey kotabear! First off, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here.

Next off, I am a bit confused by your poem... is this person dead or is it just a bad relationship? Not that it really matters poetically, I guess. You can make the person dead, even though it's just a bad relationship because of creativity and poetic license. But, if you want to make this person seem dead, you need to ramp up the descriptions and feeling of isolation here, because there doesn't seem to be that feeling of isolation that you want.

I am thinking of the people (or close animals) that have died in my life, and for me, I do miss them a lot, but what makes it worse is that, physically, I react when I miss them. It's not like, "Oh... that sucks" (which is kind of the feeling I get from your poem). It feels like I've just been kicked hard and my stomach drops and it's awful. For instance, my dog died the most recently, and sometimes I'll enter the house and I'll expect to see her, wagging her tail at me, and then no dog comes, and it feels like I've just been physically hurt in the way I just described. And there's nothing I can do about it. I have to go on living, even without Penelope, but it hurts so much at times, just because you're used to it so much and then it's gone and you feel like you have a hole in your heart because someone you loved is gone.

Anyway, you have to make this kind of pain come out, not just superficially but also in a deep manner. And that's really hard to do. But play around with it... using different senses of the five senses you have can help sometimes in these cases. For instance, for my dog (guess what's on my mind right now, lol) it would be feeling (cold wet nose; soft thick fur; her pushing my hand with her head because she wants to be rubbed more), sound (her toenails clicking on the floor as she comes to see me; her panting; her snuffle-grunting when she sleeps; her occasional bark when she wanted to be let inside); taste (spitting out her dog fur that always seemed to get everywhere, the time that she tore up my room so she could get my jerky); smell (her dog farts, lol... I kept an air freshener in my room just for these cases; smell of her dog food); looks (her deep brown eyes; the way she would look curled up; her staring at the tennis ball for ages, waiting for me to get to it). You get the idea. Describing these little things would help give a better picture of who that "you" is and help understand why you miss him. So, big brown eyes is a good start. But we need more.

Anyway, hope this helps! Also... you might consider running this through a spell checker. It would help a lot.

It is supposed to be typed like that, and it really wasn't a relationship, he was my friend, or i thought he was, then i messed up somehow and i let him slip out of my fingers. i honestly did think he was the one. i miss him, he moved to another state without telling me goodbye, which made me mad then sad.

The beginnings of your lines are all sort of awkwardly worded and vary between "thought" "always thought" and "miss" mainly. It's not a good idea to continuously repeat the beginning of a line unless there's purpose and power behind it, which in this case there was not. You're topic of choice is one that is used quite frequently and in order to come across with something worth reading, you need to add some sort of twist or pizzaz to it rather than leaving at the same old same old cliche poetry about losing a supposed soul mate. Your lines were very unoriginal as well, and lack any sort of depth or feeling. Don't describe what you thought, describe how you feel. Tell me what emotions are surging through your heart, your mind, is your blood boiling in your veins? Has your blood run cold? Do your fingertips tremble? Give the reader some kind of feeling! Keep writing