Young Writers Society

I love you,
you hate me,
I can't see.

You've blinded me,
How dare you?
How can you hurt me?
So badly?

I loved you,
now you want me,
don't you see?

How you've betrayed me?
How you've bent me,
and broken me,
made me your toy?

I hate you,
now you love me,
please just leave me.

I'm not your toy,
I'm not your friend,
give it all up.
Because this is the end.

I loved this poem! I can relate so much to it. I think a lot of people can. The only suggestions I can give are to add some sort of background about a previous relationship or something...or what he or she did to the person speaking or how he or she made the narrator his or her "toy". Also, the vocabulary wasn't really moving me too much. Try adding or replacing some simple words with more interesting words by using a thesaurus. Make it sound angry, hurt, even wistful. Another thing you could aim for is a conflict or the narrator portrayed mixed emotions of sadness and anger. Otherwise, it was great! keep it up!

Wow so simple, yet it contains so much feeling in such little words! I've strived for this before and it's something that should be admired when achieved
Kudos to you, and trust me I know how you're feeling... I've been there, and it hurts. Just like my signature says,
Love is a poison, but it is also the antidote. Which basically means, love might be what's hurting you, but the only thing that will fix it is love as well. Keep writing!

Wow. This was a nice poem. First, I must mention that you have a very ensnaring title. It drew me to your poem. Although simple diction, the emotions and the feelings run deep. I feel you accomplished a lot with so few words and sentences. I don't know if it's what you were aiming for, but I feel like the short sentence structure added a sense of anger and disgust. I did notice in the last stanza the wrong form of "you're" versus "your", but other than that, the poem was well written, and ultimately, a nice piece.

I love this poem,
it's AMAZING,
I love all of your writing that I've read so far.
Keep up the good work