Young Writers Society

They say that people change,
Like seasons, like the tide.
But there’s nothing that compares to you,
Behind those careless eyes.
Change is such a fickle thing,
And you’re the worst I’ve seen.
You’ve transformed into a robot,
Or worse--a blank machine.
What happened to that friend I knew,
The one who used to care?
We’d laugh about the simple things,
About the flaws we shared.
But now I guess I’ll stand alone,
Behind these walls again,
You see, you’re such a stranger now,
I can’t call you my friend.
I accepted you for you.
You did the same for me.
But now I’m left to reminisce
About the “could have been’s”
Or “used to be’s”

I love this, it's so pretty.

The poem/song/whatever is so . . . heartfelt. I can feel your pain, not only from the fact that I know how you feel, but from the words. Amazing.

If this is a poem, as I think it is, then awesome job setting it up and rhyming and etc.
If this is meant to be a song, then maybe it should be longer, with different stanzas and stuff. Just an idea.

And also, it amazes me how some writers, like you for instance, can make their poems/songs actually, really rhyme. Rhyme on a consistent pattern, not just randomly like mine sometimes do.

Great job.
Keep writing.

Hey 127! Dogs here with your review today! So good poem you have here, this is a great topic about change and how all things good have disappeared. You use great description in here but I think you should add in to of the other big things I look for in a poem. Imagery and emotion. You do have a little bit of each but I want more of those two, just to pour it into your poetry.

For example, when you say:

"You've transformed into a robot,
Or worse-- a black machine."

This is a very good line with great imagery but I think you can add so much more in here. For example maybe talk about his or her heart. How has it change, has his or her heart changed colors? Talk about his or her skin, breathing, or eyes. Those are some good ones to describe how much he or she has changed.

Now on an emotion factor... this poem is basically entirely descriptively based which isn't a bad thing but personally, I like to have a little bit of all three of the big topics in my poetry. This is a perfect poem for throwing in some emotion because it is, I assume, something personal. Tell the reader how you feel and how him or her leaving you makes you feel. What does it do to your heart? Are you colder now that there is no one next to you? These are just simple, basic questions that you could answer in your poem to make it stronger.

Over all this was a good piece but has potential to be a great piece! Keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh

They say that people change,
Like seasons, like the tide.
But there’s nothing that compares to you,
Behind those careless eyes.
Change is such a fickle thing,
And you’re the worst I’ve seen.
You’ve transformed into a robot,
Or worse--a blank machine.
What happened to that friend I knew,
The one who used to care?
We’d laugh about the simple things,
About the flaws we shared.
But now I guess I’ll stand alone,
Behind these walls again,
You see, you’re such a stranger now,
I can’t call you my friend.
I accepted you for you.
You did the same for me.
But now I’m left to reminisce
About the “could have been’s”
Or “used to be’s

Hey, I enjoyed your poem. I thought your first four lines were great. They served as a strong exordium, and they had me hooked. Your rhyme scheme was nicely done. One thing I would reccommend is that you add a little bit more into your poem that directly relates to the theme of "could have beens" and "used to be's". There is a lot of observing this new person your friend has become in the poem, but I feel like there could be more that reveals how things were, and due to the changes in character, how thing will never be. Overall, very well written piece.