Young Writers Society

What do you do
to people weaker than you?
Kick them when they fall down.

How do you
get rid of anomalies?
Kick them when they fall down.

How do you cure?
How do you sleep?
How do you make sure
that no one makes it
out, alive?

Kick them when they fall down.
Brainwash, alienate, no sound.
Kill their momentum, their way
of developing in a world of hate.

But you don't know.
And you wouldn't care.
You wouldn't know what emotion was
If it punched you right in your face.

Kick them when they fall down.
Make sure they don't get up.
We wouldn't want heart, would we?
We won't restart again, could we?

What do you do
when you're in the mood to hurt?
Kick them when they fall down.

What do you do
To people who are alien to you?
Kick them when they fall down.

567ajt wrote:What do you do
to people weaker than you?
Kick them when they fall down.

How do you
get rid of anomalies?
Kick them when they fall down.

it's a little odd that the first stanza rhymes and the second does not.
I also have to say that "Kick them when they fall down" sounds a little awkward all together. I think maybe "Kick em' while they're down" is the saying haha c:

567ajt wrote:How do you cure?
How do you sleep?
How do you make sure
that no one makes it
out, alive?

cure what?

567ajt wrote:Kick them when they fall down.
Brainwash, alienate, no sound.
Kill their momentum, their way
of developing in a world of hate.

You just sort of jump back into rhyming here... and then the following two lines don't rhyme again. A little confusing?

567ajt wrote:But you don't know.
And you wouldn't care.
You wouldn't know what emotion was
If it punched you right in your face.

rather than 'right' a word like 'smack' or 'square' might be a bit more suitable. Instead of 'but you don't know' you might want 'You completely unaware' and then 'you don't even slightly care'. It flows a little better and jumps back into the rhyme scheme

567ajt wrote:Kick them when they fall down.
Make sure they don't get up.
We wouldn't want heart, would we?
We won't restart again, could we?

the two lines highlighted in red don't really make much sense to me...
The poem could use more emotion. More feeling! This person kicks people while they're down? So how do you feel about that? What emotions are streaming through your veins when you think of them?
Add imagery and description!
Other than that, this poem was a beauty and with the right amount of editing it could be something incredible
Keep Writing!

What do you do
to people weaker than you?
Kick them when they fall down.

How do you
get rid of anomalies?
Kick them when they fall down.

How do you cure?
How do you sleep?
How do you make sure
that no one makes it
out, alive?

Kick them when they fall down.
Brainwash, alienate, no sound.
Kill their momentum, their way
of developing in a world of hate. this is my favorite line.

But you don't know.
And you wouldn't care.
You wouldn't know what emotion was
If it punched you right in your face.I also liked this line

Kick them when they fall down.
Make sure they don't get up.
We wouldn't want heart, would we?
We won't restart again, could we?

What do you do
when you're in the mood to hurt?
Kick them when they fall down.

What do you do
To people who are alien to you?
Kick them when they fall down.

Okay over all I liked you poem. Very good for something written in and five minutes. It made me think of the Holocaust. So congrats you made things my boring teacher said come back to me! like i said I really enjoyed your poem.

~keep writing Dasia